Oh to be me.
What is a like to be a 31 year old woman with chronic illness? Here are some snippets from my life lately:
Today I went to my local food co-op because the fridge was getting to be too empty. I felt tired, worn down, but thought I could handle a 40 minute round trip out of the house. I get the store, start shopping, the next thing I know I can't stand up in one spot without starting to see the blackness forming on the peripherals of my vision. My legs started to shake and tingle. I decided there was no sense in sitting down on the floor of the store, so I decided to just keep walking. That worked. I learned I could make it as long as I kept moving, so I couldn't stop to look at products, just had to grab as I walked by. I made about 3 laps around the store to shop this way. And guess what? They were completely out of the few things I needed most! A normal person might shrug it off and go to a different store before heading home. Me? My energy was spent. Had to go home without what I needed.
...That's a big reason why I shop online as much as I do. Except that I never received one of 3 boxes from my Vitacost order. I need to sort that out, but do I really have to put the energy into it? Seriously? Why can't it just sort itself out like magic and let me just sit here zoning out?
The cashier asked me how I was doing. I bluntly, with no tact or thought, said, "Not good, I didn't sleep last night." She asked if I was stressed and I said, "No, I just have a chronic illness and it decided to flare last night." She didn't have much else to say to me after that. lol. Poor cashier.
Why didn't I sleep last night? Oh, because PMS decided to start, and I was in full bitch mode. At 2 am. I wasn't upset about anything, nothing to be angry at. No person was irritating me. My mood just decided to be as aggressive and irritable as possible, which kept me up, tossing and turning. Then when I was sleeping here and there my dreams were very aggressive. I dreamed about my friend who attempted to commit suicide several months ago, which woke me up because I felt stressed out about it. I never really recovered from her telling me she failed her attempt.
I woke up to throbbing shoulder muscles, shooting and pins and needles pains in my legs, and adrenaline pounding through me.
And I realized how this is pretty much how every day goes for me, but it's so much worse during the winter. I'm never really sure if I'll sleep. I'm never really sure if I'll feel decently. I'm never really sure if I'll have the energy to be able to hold a conversation. I'm never really sure if my depression will let me actually care about what someone is telling me. I just have to figure out what I need to do with myself, moment by moment.
So what's the problem? Well I found a ton of mold growing on my new windows, for starters. Winter condensation that freezes when it's below zero outside causes it. The outside temperature went from -6 degrees to 47 degrees within a day, and we all know how the barometric pressure messes me up. We did just shampoo the downstairs carpets with Biokleen shampoo, which I didn't react to while doing it, but later got a mild version the hives around my eyes that citrus essential oils tends to give me. Plus we disturbed all that dirt in the house. I also went to church. Perfume! And then my monthly cycle just hit the worst phase... and I've been spotting, so who knows, maybe I'm anemic or something. I seem to be very prone to Blood Deficiency.
You see, I just can't win, especially not in the winter. When I feel decently it's purely by chance.
So...
If I spent my entire day playing video games on my phone, so what? At least I'm engaging with people there. At least I feel like I'm accomplishing something, even if progress in that game doesn't affect my real life in any way. At least I'm mentally stimulated rather than just rotting away watching TV. I can't just watch TV, I need to be engaged with something, and video games work perfectly when I'm too tired to do anything else. I'm often pretty bad at the game because I don't have the mental energy to think through what I'm doing, but it is what it is.
I will work at my job, do chores, and contribute to society when I'm capable. I have days when I'm just not capable. A lot of days. I'm not lazy. It's not an addiction to video games. I just can't function normally. Believe me, I'd much rather be raising children, own my own business, going out with friends, working towards buying our own house. I have to deal with these desires every day. If I were lazy, I wouldn't want to be living my life fully. I'd be happy to just settle in to a fun addiction rather than working on progressing in life.
So let me leave you with this article about environmental toxicants causing depression, pain, and chronic fatigue.
Showing posts with label weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weather. Show all posts
Friday, January 4, 2019
Friday, November 17, 2017
Upcoming Medical Appointments and Symptom List
It upsets me that I have so much I really want to write about in this blog, but I just can't find the energy. I've been very surprised and humbled by how many views my posts are getting. Thank you so much for the support, and I very much hope that what I'm sharing helps you!
I just can't find the energy to reply to people I really care about on Facebook messenger. I'm too brain dead. I rarely watch TV on my own because I'd rather be doing something, and so video games help me relax while being interactive, but lately I've found myself watching more and more because it allows me to just lay on the couch and zone out. My games are calling to me to be played, but I know I can't think well enough to enjoy them. So please understand that I'm not ignoring anyone - I'm just trying to make it day by day, waiting for a time when I feel up to replying to messages or writing a blog post. I'm not even up to blogging right now, but people are asking about me, so I wanted to explain.
I'm tapering off all my pills again for some doctor appointments next month. I'm going to see a Cardiologist for a Tilt Table test to officially test for POTS and an Echocardiogram to monitor my Pulmonary Stenosis (heart murmur I was born with that never "went away.") Then I'm seeing a Neurologist for POTS and Chronic Fatigue, and he's going to run a nerve conduction test. Then I'm going to see my Naturopathic doctor (Dr. Bier at HumanNatureNaturalHealth.com) for an exam and treatments. I have to be at my worst for the Tilt Table test, which means I need to taper off my pills that help me manage my day-to-day life. It also means I need to stop seeing the Chiropractor since adjustments do help my symptoms subside for a little while.
Needless to say, this is leaving me exhausted: the stress of planning the trip to New Hampshire to see these doctors alone is too much stress. Finding an AirBNB that is fragrance-free, finding plane tickets, figuring out how to pack light for a trip in the winter... my parents have done most of the work and it's still too much stress for me. Oh, and how could I forget how difficult and time consuming it was to get the appointments scheduled? I felt bad for how much work I put my doctor through to get me these appointments. Now I have to call Disability to move my hearing, which is going to be a giant headache... and I honestly haven't had it in me to make the phone call yet. My appointments only worked out on the day that my hearing is scheduled for. I'm planning on making that phone call after my tea kicks in. Or why couldn't I just do it over Skype? My hearing is set to be a teleconference over a TV anyway...
In the midst of all this, the motor and pump on our dishwasher broke, and it was out of commission for almost 2 weeks. Thankfully the warranty covered the repair!
I'm also trying to manage at work through all of this - my goal has been to not lose any shifts. This is challenging. As long as my matcha powder in my water keeps giving me the strength to work, I can work. When the caffeine isn't enough, I can't do it. And I'm getting more and more vertigo without taking my b12. I took one b12 the other day because the vertigo was too strong for me to be able to drive myself to work. The b12 killed the vertigo - it worked. But I'm not supposed to be taking it. So I'm getting really nervous about working, but I can't afford not to. I have to save ALL of my strength and energy for work, which means chores at home are not getting done. My mom was really helpful and very nice and came to stay with us twice so she could do chores for me. My husband works so much that he shouldn't have to do any, and I don't want him to lose his health from overworking.
I'm really struggling - if only I stopped having things I had to do. If work was my only obligation I could make it. But things I have to do keep coming on, one thing after the other. Why can't I just rest? Why is everything full of phone calls and paperwork? Every day I have to accomplish SOMETHING... it's always SOMETHING. I'm not well enough to do all of this. I wish I had a disability lawyer hired to handle it all for me... but the work of getting a lawyer is way too overwhelming. Even if I get diagnosed, I don't think I'll win disability. North Dakota doesn't like to give it to people under age 50 because, and I quote, "Young people are resilient." You have no idea how angry this makes me. When I finally figure out how to recover and improve my health I'm going to fight this notion in our local government and strive to educate our judges. If I was resilient then I wouldn't have a health problem worth asking for disability over now would I? I'm asking for disability BECAUSE I'm not NOT resilient enough. And that's not my fault. I didn't choose to be this sick.
I'm honestly tempted to drop my case entirely, move to another state, and try again there. North Dakota is a difficult place to live if you have medical needs, and not just because of the rough extreme weather. The weather alone makes it difficult, and healthy people just don't understand that. When you're very sensitive to pressure changes, temperature changes, and extreme temperatures, but you also have to deal with shoveling and driving in sometimes large amounts of snow and ice... it's difficult. You have to be a resilient and rugged person to live here. I used to be. But it takes energy to be, energy I no longer have. I get so much crap from people here when I get upset over several inches or more of snow - they say things like, "Suck it up, Buttercup!" or "You'll get used to it." or "The rest of us deal with it, so you can too." There was a time when I was used to it and could handle it, but dealing with it takes energy. They all have the energy, and they don't know what it's like to not have the energy. It's very insulting to me to hear things like this because I used to take pride in being able to handle the rough situations. I used to not get anxiety over a little extra hardship. They didn't know me back then, when I was healthy and could take on the world. Back when a challenge was just an opportunity to succeed. I can't think that way anymore without getting sicker.
I've been getting asked what my symptoms are that have led me to getting these tests done. Here's a non-comprehensive list:
- Dizzy and short of breath when standing up. I'll see colors spinning all around me for several seconds before things come back into focus.
- Heart pounds so hard that it makes my teeth chatter with each beat. Sometimes it feels like my heart will pop out of my neck.
- Heart palpitations, especially when laying down.
- When I measure my heart rate from laying or sitting to standing up, it often (but not always) goes up 40 or more beats per minute. Sometimes it doesn't change at all, despite feeling very weak. It also jumps all over the place when I'm laying still - it's jumped around 30 bpm when I was laying perfectly still except for breathing. It would go up and down and up and down within 30 bpm.
- Normal blood pressure is typically about 100/60, but have been down to 90/50 frequently enough. Licorice does raise it back up temporarily. After exercising my systolic tends to rise a lot, but diastolic doesn't change much.
- Sharp shooting pains in my chest. Sometimes my whole chest will feel sore like I worked out the muscles too hard.
- Vertigo that comes and goes.
- Blurred vision or very tired vision, making it so that I end up squinting when trying to keep eye contact with someone
- Constant neck and shoulder tension, sometimes so tense that it gives me an earache or toothache. I get regular muscle work done and it's not enough.
- Headache at the top of my neck that comes and goes.
- Tinnitus in my ears that frequently changes in terms of severity
- Periods of derelization and depersonalization, where reality feels like a dream that I'm not actively involved in. Like I'm viewing reality on a TV and I'm not actually in it, but have to act like I am in it... because I am.
- Adrenaline rushes and crashes. I can shake and run around like a crazy person during the adrenaline rushes, and when I crash I crash so hard that I quite honestly can't get up. I often wake up with these adrenaline rushes in the middle of the night. Very similar to anxiety attacks, but it's not anxiety.
- Legs and arms can suddenly feel like jello. They can lose strength and feel wobbly.
- Never ending bloating issues, with sharp stabbing gut pains.
- Icy cold arms and legs while my torso is sweating as though it's in a sauna.
- Sweating when I feel cold, or being freezing cold when others are comfortable in t-shirts.
- Inability to determine if temperature is safe, like when I'm doing the dishes or taking a bath I can pour water that's way too hot and not realize I'm burning until my heart rate skyrockets, my skin is bright red, and I'm sweating like crazy. Other times the water will feel way too hot and I'll sweat like crazy when it's actually colder than I normally like it.
- Pale flushed skin, sometimes associated with my skin being very tender to touch, the way skin feels when you have the flu.
- I never feel hydrated, even when I drink so much electrolyte water that my stomach wants to vomit from being over filled with water. I'm always feeling dry. Sometimes I have a problem of needing to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, other times I'm wondering why I can't go to the bathroom more often when I feel like I'm flooding myself.
- Energy so low that it can be exhausting to just grill a steak for myself.
- Energy so low that it's difficult to hold a conversation with someone because I can't focus on listening or forming replies.
- Slurring my speech and/ or stuttering.
- Joint pain that comes and goes
- Falling asleep is really very extremely difficult, even when I'm exhausted.
- Sleep is not restful. I either wake up feeling high adrenaline that gets me moving quickly, and I crash very hard once I eat breakfast, or I take until 11 or noon to get out of bed because I'm feeling so incredibly tired.
- My tongue sometimes swells up so much it doesn't fit in my teeth.
- I can't sit with my feet on the floor without getting overly tired and weak, so I sit on chairs with them curled up towards my chest.
- I can't lay still long without getting fidgety, my body needing to move.
- I can't just sit and talk to someone over tea. I HAVE to be doing something, even if it's just playing with something in my hands, but if you want to talk to me I should be doing the dishes or cleaning something while we're talking. If I'm not moving, I crash hard and can't focus. But if I move too much I get exhausted and need to go lay down where it's quiet. So in other words, being social is draining. I like the idea of having friends, but not always the reality of spending time with friends.
- Reactive to fragrances and other synthetics, meaning: widespread muscle pain, gut cramping, heart burn, vision loss, emotional instability issues, headaches, sinus aches (I got a sinus infection from going into a very smelly Staples once), heart pounding and palpations, rashes...
- Very reactive to foods, making it so I can't cheat on my diet without paying hard for it. Hives, rashes, adrenaline surge, nervous ticks, severe anger, stomach and gut pain, very high painful heart rate, bowel and bladder control issues, muscle pain...
- Mold is my worst enemy. It his me harder than anything else. Typically with nose bleeds, chest tightness, emotional instability to the extreme, unable to breath deeply enough, widespread pain, a major sense of fear and dread washes over me...
- ALL of my symptoms get MUCH worse during PMS and my period. My periods are very very heavy and painful. Very difficult to manage.
- I can't have a slightly confrontational talk with someone without shivering and sweating, and it feels like helium fills up my head. I avoid confrontation in person. If I has to be done I prefer to say most of it through text (email or whatever) and then finish talking about it in person when the shock is over.
Here's some video evidence of my heart rate issues. I uploaded my video to youtube and would rather link to it than embed it since blogger gives me too many issues with embedding videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5uUA-Qydps
...I'm sure I'm forgetting some important symptoms, but this should give you a pretty good idea of what it's like to be me. My supplements help most of these symptoms to be mild and manageable as long as I don't over tax myself, but I'm also paying about $600/ month for them. They're working much better than anything else I've tried, but I've stopped improving and they're just maintaining me.
I need to have an MD determine if I have POTS or something else, because I need to be able to either accept that I can't improve more than this or that I can try something else to improve. I can't plan my life out around the not knowing if I can improve or not. And unfortunately, only an MD has the credentials to make that determination. No employer or assistance programs will accept anything other than the right type of MD's diagnosis. I'm not going because my Naturopathic doctor isn't helping (he's been the most helpful person I've ever worked with), I'm going because I need to go the conventional accepted route to get what I need to manage life.
And it's oh so stressful.
I just can't find the energy to reply to people I really care about on Facebook messenger. I'm too brain dead. I rarely watch TV on my own because I'd rather be doing something, and so video games help me relax while being interactive, but lately I've found myself watching more and more because it allows me to just lay on the couch and zone out. My games are calling to me to be played, but I know I can't think well enough to enjoy them. So please understand that I'm not ignoring anyone - I'm just trying to make it day by day, waiting for a time when I feel up to replying to messages or writing a blog post. I'm not even up to blogging right now, but people are asking about me, so I wanted to explain.
I'm tapering off all my pills again for some doctor appointments next month. I'm going to see a Cardiologist for a Tilt Table test to officially test for POTS and an Echocardiogram to monitor my Pulmonary Stenosis (heart murmur I was born with that never "went away.") Then I'm seeing a Neurologist for POTS and Chronic Fatigue, and he's going to run a nerve conduction test. Then I'm going to see my Naturopathic doctor (Dr. Bier at HumanNatureNaturalHealth.com) for an exam and treatments. I have to be at my worst for the Tilt Table test, which means I need to taper off my pills that help me manage my day-to-day life. It also means I need to stop seeing the Chiropractor since adjustments do help my symptoms subside for a little while.
Needless to say, this is leaving me exhausted: the stress of planning the trip to New Hampshire to see these doctors alone is too much stress. Finding an AirBNB that is fragrance-free, finding plane tickets, figuring out how to pack light for a trip in the winter... my parents have done most of the work and it's still too much stress for me. Oh, and how could I forget how difficult and time consuming it was to get the appointments scheduled? I felt bad for how much work I put my doctor through to get me these appointments. Now I have to call Disability to move my hearing, which is going to be a giant headache... and I honestly haven't had it in me to make the phone call yet. My appointments only worked out on the day that my hearing is scheduled for. I'm planning on making that phone call after my tea kicks in. Or why couldn't I just do it over Skype? My hearing is set to be a teleconference over a TV anyway...
In the midst of all this, the motor and pump on our dishwasher broke, and it was out of commission for almost 2 weeks. Thankfully the warranty covered the repair!
I'm also trying to manage at work through all of this - my goal has been to not lose any shifts. This is challenging. As long as my matcha powder in my water keeps giving me the strength to work, I can work. When the caffeine isn't enough, I can't do it. And I'm getting more and more vertigo without taking my b12. I took one b12 the other day because the vertigo was too strong for me to be able to drive myself to work. The b12 killed the vertigo - it worked. But I'm not supposed to be taking it. So I'm getting really nervous about working, but I can't afford not to. I have to save ALL of my strength and energy for work, which means chores at home are not getting done. My mom was really helpful and very nice and came to stay with us twice so she could do chores for me. My husband works so much that he shouldn't have to do any, and I don't want him to lose his health from overworking.
I'm really struggling - if only I stopped having things I had to do. If work was my only obligation I could make it. But things I have to do keep coming on, one thing after the other. Why can't I just rest? Why is everything full of phone calls and paperwork? Every day I have to accomplish SOMETHING... it's always SOMETHING. I'm not well enough to do all of this. I wish I had a disability lawyer hired to handle it all for me... but the work of getting a lawyer is way too overwhelming. Even if I get diagnosed, I don't think I'll win disability. North Dakota doesn't like to give it to people under age 50 because, and I quote, "Young people are resilient." You have no idea how angry this makes me. When I finally figure out how to recover and improve my health I'm going to fight this notion in our local government and strive to educate our judges. If I was resilient then I wouldn't have a health problem worth asking for disability over now would I? I'm asking for disability BECAUSE I'm not NOT resilient enough. And that's not my fault. I didn't choose to be this sick.
I'm honestly tempted to drop my case entirely, move to another state, and try again there. North Dakota is a difficult place to live if you have medical needs, and not just because of the rough extreme weather. The weather alone makes it difficult, and healthy people just don't understand that. When you're very sensitive to pressure changes, temperature changes, and extreme temperatures, but you also have to deal with shoveling and driving in sometimes large amounts of snow and ice... it's difficult. You have to be a resilient and rugged person to live here. I used to be. But it takes energy to be, energy I no longer have. I get so much crap from people here when I get upset over several inches or more of snow - they say things like, "Suck it up, Buttercup!" or "You'll get used to it." or "The rest of us deal with it, so you can too." There was a time when I was used to it and could handle it, but dealing with it takes energy. They all have the energy, and they don't know what it's like to not have the energy. It's very insulting to me to hear things like this because I used to take pride in being able to handle the rough situations. I used to not get anxiety over a little extra hardship. They didn't know me back then, when I was healthy and could take on the world. Back when a challenge was just an opportunity to succeed. I can't think that way anymore without getting sicker.
I've been getting asked what my symptoms are that have led me to getting these tests done. Here's a non-comprehensive list:
- Dizzy and short of breath when standing up. I'll see colors spinning all around me for several seconds before things come back into focus.
- Heart pounds so hard that it makes my teeth chatter with each beat. Sometimes it feels like my heart will pop out of my neck.
- Heart palpitations, especially when laying down.
- When I measure my heart rate from laying or sitting to standing up, it often (but not always) goes up 40 or more beats per minute. Sometimes it doesn't change at all, despite feeling very weak. It also jumps all over the place when I'm laying still - it's jumped around 30 bpm when I was laying perfectly still except for breathing. It would go up and down and up and down within 30 bpm.
- Normal blood pressure is typically about 100/60, but have been down to 90/50 frequently enough. Licorice does raise it back up temporarily. After exercising my systolic tends to rise a lot, but diastolic doesn't change much.
- Sharp shooting pains in my chest. Sometimes my whole chest will feel sore like I worked out the muscles too hard.
- Vertigo that comes and goes.
- Blurred vision or very tired vision, making it so that I end up squinting when trying to keep eye contact with someone
- Constant neck and shoulder tension, sometimes so tense that it gives me an earache or toothache. I get regular muscle work done and it's not enough.
- Headache at the top of my neck that comes and goes.
- Tinnitus in my ears that frequently changes in terms of severity
- Periods of derelization and depersonalization, where reality feels like a dream that I'm not actively involved in. Like I'm viewing reality on a TV and I'm not actually in it, but have to act like I am in it... because I am.
- Adrenaline rushes and crashes. I can shake and run around like a crazy person during the adrenaline rushes, and when I crash I crash so hard that I quite honestly can't get up. I often wake up with these adrenaline rushes in the middle of the night. Very similar to anxiety attacks, but it's not anxiety.
- Legs and arms can suddenly feel like jello. They can lose strength and feel wobbly.
- Never ending bloating issues, with sharp stabbing gut pains.
- Icy cold arms and legs while my torso is sweating as though it's in a sauna.
- Sweating when I feel cold, or being freezing cold when others are comfortable in t-shirts.
- Inability to determine if temperature is safe, like when I'm doing the dishes or taking a bath I can pour water that's way too hot and not realize I'm burning until my heart rate skyrockets, my skin is bright red, and I'm sweating like crazy. Other times the water will feel way too hot and I'll sweat like crazy when it's actually colder than I normally like it.
- Pale flushed skin, sometimes associated with my skin being very tender to touch, the way skin feels when you have the flu.
- I never feel hydrated, even when I drink so much electrolyte water that my stomach wants to vomit from being over filled with water. I'm always feeling dry. Sometimes I have a problem of needing to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, other times I'm wondering why I can't go to the bathroom more often when I feel like I'm flooding myself.
- Energy so low that it can be exhausting to just grill a steak for myself.
- Energy so low that it's difficult to hold a conversation with someone because I can't focus on listening or forming replies.
- Slurring my speech and/ or stuttering.
- Joint pain that comes and goes
- Falling asleep is really very extremely difficult, even when I'm exhausted.
- Sleep is not restful. I either wake up feeling high adrenaline that gets me moving quickly, and I crash very hard once I eat breakfast, or I take until 11 or noon to get out of bed because I'm feeling so incredibly tired.
- My tongue sometimes swells up so much it doesn't fit in my teeth.
- I can't sit with my feet on the floor without getting overly tired and weak, so I sit on chairs with them curled up towards my chest.
- I can't lay still long without getting fidgety, my body needing to move.
- I can't just sit and talk to someone over tea. I HAVE to be doing something, even if it's just playing with something in my hands, but if you want to talk to me I should be doing the dishes or cleaning something while we're talking. If I'm not moving, I crash hard and can't focus. But if I move too much I get exhausted and need to go lay down where it's quiet. So in other words, being social is draining. I like the idea of having friends, but not always the reality of spending time with friends.
- Reactive to fragrances and other synthetics, meaning: widespread muscle pain, gut cramping, heart burn, vision loss, emotional instability issues, headaches, sinus aches (I got a sinus infection from going into a very smelly Staples once), heart pounding and palpations, rashes...
- Very reactive to foods, making it so I can't cheat on my diet without paying hard for it. Hives, rashes, adrenaline surge, nervous ticks, severe anger, stomach and gut pain, very high painful heart rate, bowel and bladder control issues, muscle pain...
- Mold is my worst enemy. It his me harder than anything else. Typically with nose bleeds, chest tightness, emotional instability to the extreme, unable to breath deeply enough, widespread pain, a major sense of fear and dread washes over me...
- ALL of my symptoms get MUCH worse during PMS and my period. My periods are very very heavy and painful. Very difficult to manage.
- I can't have a slightly confrontational talk with someone without shivering and sweating, and it feels like helium fills up my head. I avoid confrontation in person. If I has to be done I prefer to say most of it through text (email or whatever) and then finish talking about it in person when the shock is over.
Here's some video evidence of my heart rate issues. I uploaded my video to youtube and would rather link to it than embed it since blogger gives me too many issues with embedding videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5uUA-Qydps
...I'm sure I'm forgetting some important symptoms, but this should give you a pretty good idea of what it's like to be me. My supplements help most of these symptoms to be mild and manageable as long as I don't over tax myself, but I'm also paying about $600/ month for them. They're working much better than anything else I've tried, but I've stopped improving and they're just maintaining me.
I need to have an MD determine if I have POTS or something else, because I need to be able to either accept that I can't improve more than this or that I can try something else to improve. I can't plan my life out around the not knowing if I can improve or not. And unfortunately, only an MD has the credentials to make that determination. No employer or assistance programs will accept anything other than the right type of MD's diagnosis. I'm not going because my Naturopathic doctor isn't helping (he's been the most helpful person I've ever worked with), I'm going because I need to go the conventional accepted route to get what I need to manage life.
And it's oh so stressful.
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Mental Health Part 2
I won't apologize for my last post in which I worried some of you. Thank you to those of you who reached out and expressed concern. I believe the post was important to write because I needed to express how much I was suffering. The way my illnesses affect my mental health is important to solving my illnesses, and hopefully helps others make sense of their illnesses.
Last month I flew out to see my doctor again. It was a long overdue much needed appointment. I believe the therapies I had done in the clinic stirred up some toxins in my body, which probably contributed to that bought of severe depression I just went through. It certainly made a difference in my body - I can feel less of a toxic body burden weighing me down. But I did stir up toxicity nonetheless.
I'm doing better again. Anxiety attacks have calmed down, and the brain fog has lifted enough that I no longer am stuck in depression. I don't know if it's due to my body calming down after the therapies, or perhaps it's because the sun finally came out. Suddenly, literally over night, the temps went from 60's to 90's. It's been in the 90's all week. The sun feels AMAZING. What's interesting about that is that my lab test results came back, and it said my vitamin D level is at 88. 88!!! It's taken 3 years to raise my level to where it's almost supposed to be (I should be in the 90's according to my doctor.) 3 years of 15,000iu a day!! The reason the sun helps me so much must not be the vitamin D it gives me. It must be something else. I believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and winter is like a slow mild poison to my mental health. Mix that with stirring up toxins in my body and it's a disaster.
But there's also the other elephant in the room: stress! Stress is constant. Stress prevents recovery and rest. Stress makes me spend energy I don't have, wearing me out further. Stress puts my body into depression. The worse my adrenals, the worse my mental health. I lose the ability to spend energy on thinking. Memory recall, planning, dreaming/brainstorming, problem solving, learning... yep, it all shuts down. The more stressed I am, the less brain power I have. Stress is pure poison to me, and I get so frustrated and angry when people don't respect this fact. When people give me more problems, tasks to accomplish, or worries to worry about it actually makes my brain work less well and diminishes my ability to do what they tell me to do. The anger at others not understanding this problem stresses me further. I shut down. I ignore problems and tasks. It's fight or flight, but flight is the only option because there's no energy to fight. I simply cannot tolerate stress. Yes, I really do need to live in a bubble, and people don't understand this need either. Give me enough time to rest in my bubble and my body will recharge and I'll have energy to spend on working through stress again. But I'm burn out mode. I have NOTHING to give. So naturally, my husband wanting me to look for lodging that will work for me so we can go on a 10 year anniversary trip... sigh, stress.
I appreciate those of you who reached out to me and told me I can talk about my depression with you. It's very kind of you, and I need to know I have that kind of love and support in my life. This might sound backwards to you, but this is the truth: There's nothing to talk about. It's not a depression due to problems. It's a depression due to lack of energy and brain power. So talking would make it worse. It would use up energy I need to rest with. I know that some types of depression are solved with friend therapy and support from others, but mine is the type that requires me to be alone. I'm not entering further into the darkness through isolation. I'm letting myself recharge. Once a phone's battery is down to 10%, trying to use it only drains the battery faster, and the only solution is to stop using it and plug it in. I'm that phone at 10%. Well, I was. I'm probably at 25 % now. I'm no longer in "battery saving mode," but I'm on the verge of it. Let me charge more. :)
I know there's a lot to update you all on in this blog. I need to finish my mattress part 3 post, write about the new organic hemp sleeping bag I bought, talk about my new lab results, and go into a blood pressure and heart rate issue I have. I want to talk about some other product reviews too. I'll probably write about it all eventually, if I'm up to it. I can't take the pressure, so if it happens it happens. I only write in this blog when I need the therapy that comes from writing, so bear with me. :)
Last month I flew out to see my doctor again. It was a long overdue much needed appointment. I believe the therapies I had done in the clinic stirred up some toxins in my body, which probably contributed to that bought of severe depression I just went through. It certainly made a difference in my body - I can feel less of a toxic body burden weighing me down. But I did stir up toxicity nonetheless.
I'm doing better again. Anxiety attacks have calmed down, and the brain fog has lifted enough that I no longer am stuck in depression. I don't know if it's due to my body calming down after the therapies, or perhaps it's because the sun finally came out. Suddenly, literally over night, the temps went from 60's to 90's. It's been in the 90's all week. The sun feels AMAZING. What's interesting about that is that my lab test results came back, and it said my vitamin D level is at 88. 88!!! It's taken 3 years to raise my level to where it's almost supposed to be (I should be in the 90's according to my doctor.) 3 years of 15,000iu a day!! The reason the sun helps me so much must not be the vitamin D it gives me. It must be something else. I believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and winter is like a slow mild poison to my mental health. Mix that with stirring up toxins in my body and it's a disaster.
But there's also the other elephant in the room: stress! Stress is constant. Stress prevents recovery and rest. Stress makes me spend energy I don't have, wearing me out further. Stress puts my body into depression. The worse my adrenals, the worse my mental health. I lose the ability to spend energy on thinking. Memory recall, planning, dreaming/brainstorming, problem solving, learning... yep, it all shuts down. The more stressed I am, the less brain power I have. Stress is pure poison to me, and I get so frustrated and angry when people don't respect this fact. When people give me more problems, tasks to accomplish, or worries to worry about it actually makes my brain work less well and diminishes my ability to do what they tell me to do. The anger at others not understanding this problem stresses me further. I shut down. I ignore problems and tasks. It's fight or flight, but flight is the only option because there's no energy to fight. I simply cannot tolerate stress. Yes, I really do need to live in a bubble, and people don't understand this need either. Give me enough time to rest in my bubble and my body will recharge and I'll have energy to spend on working through stress again. But I'm burn out mode. I have NOTHING to give. So naturally, my husband wanting me to look for lodging that will work for me so we can go on a 10 year anniversary trip... sigh, stress.
I appreciate those of you who reached out to me and told me I can talk about my depression with you. It's very kind of you, and I need to know I have that kind of love and support in my life. This might sound backwards to you, but this is the truth: There's nothing to talk about. It's not a depression due to problems. It's a depression due to lack of energy and brain power. So talking would make it worse. It would use up energy I need to rest with. I know that some types of depression are solved with friend therapy and support from others, but mine is the type that requires me to be alone. I'm not entering further into the darkness through isolation. I'm letting myself recharge. Once a phone's battery is down to 10%, trying to use it only drains the battery faster, and the only solution is to stop using it and plug it in. I'm that phone at 10%. Well, I was. I'm probably at 25 % now. I'm no longer in "battery saving mode," but I'm on the verge of it. Let me charge more. :)
I know there's a lot to update you all on in this blog. I need to finish my mattress part 3 post, write about the new organic hemp sleeping bag I bought, talk about my new lab results, and go into a blood pressure and heart rate issue I have. I want to talk about some other product reviews too. I'll probably write about it all eventually, if I'm up to it. I can't take the pressure, so if it happens it happens. I only write in this blog when I need the therapy that comes from writing, so bear with me. :)
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Iron and Acne
What an obnoxious winter so far! We've had about 60" of snow in just over a month. It's been a blizzard almost every Monday! Between the snow blowing, shoveling, roof raking, salting, being unable to leave the driveway for days waiting for snow plows to free our street, and trying to get hours in at work... you get the picture, between all of this I've been rather burnt out and exhausted. It's been actually very hard for me to even move some days due to the burn out. Instead of working on Part 3 of my mattress series, which I'll finish up soonish, I'm going to write about something a little easier: iron and acne.
My naturopathic doctor had me start taking pasture raised liver capsules 3x a day about a month ago. He wanted me to simply try eating liver first, but my tongue couldn't handle it and it made my stomach churn a bit. If you can tolerate liver, more power to you! The reason for the liver is to raise my iron level. Without telling him, I tried taking Black Strap Molasses with 29 mg of elemental iron. I've tried taking iron in the past during my teen years and it did help me feel way more stable and in control, so I decided to try it again to see what would happen. What happened was that I didn't feel any different at all (except for a little sugar high at times, and my yeast issues increased), but my lab values showed much better numbers:
End of 2015, Iron at 66:
If you go by Stop The Thyroid Madness's book/ support group, I was too low:
So after one month on those iron pills, my iron and CBC looked better than ever (almost everything was actually in range for the first time in years):
According to Stop the Thyroid Madness, my labs still are not optimal here, but they look much better.
My doctor received this lab and sounded a bit confused, and I told him I was on the iron. He wasn't happy with me. And THIS is why you listen to your doctor! He explained that I was "pushing" my iron without all the co-factors, which I understand to mean is disruptive to other minerals and nutrients in my body. He said if I'm going to push my iron I need to do it with all the co-factors, and the best way to do that is to take pasture-raised liver.
I've been on the liver for a little more than a month, but I have not had new labs drawn yet. I would like to do so soon so I can see what is happening. What I can tell you is that it's working. Taking the iron pills did not change how I felt. Taking the liver is changing how I feel. I haven't felt anemic and faint since taking them! I've felt weak from not being able to breathe well, low blood sugar, and maybe even low blood volume, but not the anemia-like weakness. I feel strong even while fatigued and exhausted. I'm not used to feeling strength below the tired.
There have been plenty of side effects, though. The liver pills are certainly stirring up my liver, which is not in great condition. I've had lots of rashes, acne, nasty prolonged PMS, and a much heavier period. This makes sense considering the liver does help make sex hormones. It also is the first detoxer in the body. My stirred up liver is pushing toxins out through my skin, causing the rashes and acne. Add hormone issues to acne issues and I get super acne issues. It's not been fun. The majority of this acne has been under my jaw near lymph nodes, which also makes sense to me.
So what do I do about acne? What helps?
STOP EATING SUGAR! Sugar does nothing positive for the body, only negative. It's highly acidic, makes the pancreas and liver work overtime, feeds bad bacteria and yeasts, feeds infections, penetrates a weak gut lining, usually goes right into fat storage, causes hormonal imbalances... and the body tries to detox it through the skin.
Figure out your food intolerances. For me, dairy and grains both gave me acne and I didn't figure that out until I first went gluten free for a year, then dairy free for a while. My skin improved so much. Then I met my doctor, who had me cut all starches, grains, dairy, sugar, moldy foods, and nightshades. I stopped getting acne except around my period, and it cleared up very quickly after my period started.
Okay, got those down? Good, now what to do about acne that defies preventative causes:
Aztec Indian Healing Clay mixed with Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar as a mask:
The darker areas are where it went on heavier. I simply pour about a quarter sized amount of clay in to my palm then pour just enough vinegar in my palm to make it fizz and turn into paste. Then I rub the paste in my hands and spread it all over my face and neck. I let it sit for 20 minutes, then typically shower to wash it off, but a wet warm cloth to scrub it off will do. It pulses my skin in the process, and after I wash it off it feels like my skin is breathing. The vinegar leaves my skin pink/ red for about 20 minutes, then my skin looks so refreshed! This stuff sucks junk out of pours with a magnetic bond. It feels amazing. The vinegar feeds the skin nutrients and kills bad bacteria. I love this stuff.
Note: French Green Clay is supposed to be the best kind of clay for acne, but I haven't tried it.
Desert Essence Blemish Stick
This is one that I reserve for bigger, more painful acne that I want to get rid of faster. It does work well, but it's a bit drying and irritating to my skin. It features tea tree (and this brand makes a high quality trustworth tea tree, it's not a knock-off or low quality version that other brands use.) Tea Tree is antibacterial and it does help clear up rashes and acne for me. I use this brand's tea tree soap for rashes. It does work, I just have to be careful not to over do it.
Badger Balm Beauty Balm
I'm a huuuuugggeeee fan of Badger Balm products in general. They're mostly organic and use safe low doses of extracts and essential oils that are strictly for a purpose, not a fragrance. I can't tolerate their orange oils, but I've done very well with all their other aromatherapy products, when I don't tolerate many essential oils in general. I typically stick to their unscented line anyway since I don't care for fragrances anymore, even when I don't react to them.
This beauty balm is ultra moisturizing, but doesn't clog pores. It has seabuckthorn, an oil known for healing skin blemishes. I find that this balm is anti-itch, soothing, cooling, very moisturizing, and noticeably healing. I when I'm broken out I use it as my face moisturizer, let it soak in for 15 minutes, then apply my Lauren Brookes Cosmetiques or Mineral Fusion make up.
Organic India's Amalaki
Make sure you're getting enough real whole food vitamin C. I really like Organic India's Amalaki, which is rick in vitamin C and has the ability to pull out oestrogens. Basic abscorbic acid (what's used for "vitamin C" in synthetics) is often made from mold, yeast, or with high VOC chemicals like formaldehyde. It's also incomplete - it needs bioflavanoids to complete the vitamin C, so why not just take a whole food version that doesn't have to be reconstructed?
I keep reading about Camu Camu being a great source of vitamin C too, but I like the alma berry (Amalaki) better because it has the oestrogen balancing effect.
Additionally:
Let me know in the comments if you have more good advice!
My naturopathic doctor had me start taking pasture raised liver capsules 3x a day about a month ago. He wanted me to simply try eating liver first, but my tongue couldn't handle it and it made my stomach churn a bit. If you can tolerate liver, more power to you! The reason for the liver is to raise my iron level. Without telling him, I tried taking Black Strap Molasses with 29 mg of elemental iron. I've tried taking iron in the past during my teen years and it did help me feel way more stable and in control, so I decided to try it again to see what would happen. What happened was that I didn't feel any different at all (except for a little sugar high at times, and my yeast issues increased), but my lab values showed much better numbers:
End of 2015, Iron at 66:
If you go by Stop The Thyroid Madness's book/ support group, I was too low:
So after one month on those iron pills, my iron and CBC looked better than ever (almost everything was actually in range for the first time in years):
According to Stop the Thyroid Madness, my labs still are not optimal here, but they look much better.
My doctor received this lab and sounded a bit confused, and I told him I was on the iron. He wasn't happy with me. And THIS is why you listen to your doctor! He explained that I was "pushing" my iron without all the co-factors, which I understand to mean is disruptive to other minerals and nutrients in my body. He said if I'm going to push my iron I need to do it with all the co-factors, and the best way to do that is to take pasture-raised liver.
I've been on the liver for a little more than a month, but I have not had new labs drawn yet. I would like to do so soon so I can see what is happening. What I can tell you is that it's working. Taking the iron pills did not change how I felt. Taking the liver is changing how I feel. I haven't felt anemic and faint since taking them! I've felt weak from not being able to breathe well, low blood sugar, and maybe even low blood volume, but not the anemia-like weakness. I feel strong even while fatigued and exhausted. I'm not used to feeling strength below the tired.
There have been plenty of side effects, though. The liver pills are certainly stirring up my liver, which is not in great condition. I've had lots of rashes, acne, nasty prolonged PMS, and a much heavier period. This makes sense considering the liver does help make sex hormones. It also is the first detoxer in the body. My stirred up liver is pushing toxins out through my skin, causing the rashes and acne. Add hormone issues to acne issues and I get super acne issues. It's not been fun. The majority of this acne has been under my jaw near lymph nodes, which also makes sense to me.
So what do I do about acne? What helps?
STOP EATING SUGAR! Sugar does nothing positive for the body, only negative. It's highly acidic, makes the pancreas and liver work overtime, feeds bad bacteria and yeasts, feeds infections, penetrates a weak gut lining, usually goes right into fat storage, causes hormonal imbalances... and the body tries to detox it through the skin.
Figure out your food intolerances. For me, dairy and grains both gave me acne and I didn't figure that out until I first went gluten free for a year, then dairy free for a while. My skin improved so much. Then I met my doctor, who had me cut all starches, grains, dairy, sugar, moldy foods, and nightshades. I stopped getting acne except around my period, and it cleared up very quickly after my period started.
Okay, got those down? Good, now what to do about acne that defies preventative causes:
Aztec Indian Healing Clay mixed with Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar as a mask:
The darker areas are where it went on heavier. I simply pour about a quarter sized amount of clay in to my palm then pour just enough vinegar in my palm to make it fizz and turn into paste. Then I rub the paste in my hands and spread it all over my face and neck. I let it sit for 20 minutes, then typically shower to wash it off, but a wet warm cloth to scrub it off will do. It pulses my skin in the process, and after I wash it off it feels like my skin is breathing. The vinegar leaves my skin pink/ red for about 20 minutes, then my skin looks so refreshed! This stuff sucks junk out of pours with a magnetic bond. It feels amazing. The vinegar feeds the skin nutrients and kills bad bacteria. I love this stuff.
Note: French Green Clay is supposed to be the best kind of clay for acne, but I haven't tried it.
Desert Essence Blemish Stick
This is one that I reserve for bigger, more painful acne that I want to get rid of faster. It does work well, but it's a bit drying and irritating to my skin. It features tea tree (and this brand makes a high quality trustworth tea tree, it's not a knock-off or low quality version that other brands use.) Tea Tree is antibacterial and it does help clear up rashes and acne for me. I use this brand's tea tree soap for rashes. It does work, I just have to be careful not to over do it.
Badger Balm Beauty Balm
I'm a huuuuugggeeee fan of Badger Balm products in general. They're mostly organic and use safe low doses of extracts and essential oils that are strictly for a purpose, not a fragrance. I can't tolerate their orange oils, but I've done very well with all their other aromatherapy products, when I don't tolerate many essential oils in general. I typically stick to their unscented line anyway since I don't care for fragrances anymore, even when I don't react to them.
This beauty balm is ultra moisturizing, but doesn't clog pores. It has seabuckthorn, an oil known for healing skin blemishes. I find that this balm is anti-itch, soothing, cooling, very moisturizing, and noticeably healing. I when I'm broken out I use it as my face moisturizer, let it soak in for 15 minutes, then apply my Lauren Brookes Cosmetiques or Mineral Fusion make up.
Organic India's Amalaki
Make sure you're getting enough real whole food vitamin C. I really like Organic India's Amalaki, which is rick in vitamin C and has the ability to pull out oestrogens. Basic abscorbic acid (what's used for "vitamin C" in synthetics) is often made from mold, yeast, or with high VOC chemicals like formaldehyde. It's also incomplete - it needs bioflavanoids to complete the vitamin C, so why not just take a whole food version that doesn't have to be reconstructed?
I keep reading about Camu Camu being a great source of vitamin C too, but I like the alma berry (Amalaki) better because it has the oestrogen balancing effect.
Additionally:
- Eat your fats: drink bone broth, eat coconut oil, drink collagen, eat gelatin, eat the fattiest cut of steak, eat avocados, use real butter, etc. Your skin and brain need good healthy fats in order to function. Make sure you're feeding yourself what your skin needs.
- Drink organic fair trade green tea (certifications are important since non-organic green tea can contain high amounts of fluoride, aluminum, and pesticides.) It's a natural antioxidant. Then press the used wet green tea bag against your acne!
- Get chiropractic adjustments. Freeing up nerves that can't communicate well due to a spine that's out of alignment can significantly increase circulation in your body, and better blood flow means faster healing.
- Use a pimple popping tool for the ones that are ready to pop. In my experience, popping the ones that are ready with this tool doesn't leave scarring or bleeding.
Let me know in the comments if you have more good advice!
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Autumn Update
I have so much I could share on this blog, but I've been completely exhausted! Autumn has settled in and it's messing with my sleep, making my bones ache, causing me inflammation all over, and giving me anxiety. I've had to work harder than I'm used to over the past couple of weeks between my actual job, traveling to Minnesota, and work that has to be done at home. Yesterday my body rebelled and told me to stop. I was so exhausted that even eating took too much energy, and I got a fever while eating each meal, followed by some unpleasant time in the bathroom. My body didn't want to spend any energy on digestion. Eating was so draining that I was feeling very faint and had to lay down for a few hours twice.
I'm finding that every autumn I get MUCH worse very suddenly, like hitting a brick wall. While my friends are celebrating the pumpkin spice, all of the colors on the trees, their new fall boots to pair with their leggings, all the festivals, and the cozy hot autumn drinks, I find myself a lot more anxious than normal and in chronic pain again. I'm finding that I'm more argumentative and direct with people, when I actually had a relatively good summer with lots of joking and laughing. My whole mood and personality changes. It's the only seasonal change I'm hyper sensitive to. Winter is actually easier on me, despite the intense negative temperatures that are normal here in North Dakota, but I do feel much more depressed and low than I do during Spring and Summer. I'm clearly living in the wrong state.
I do want to share a few quick things, and they're not necessarily related:
1. This one is for people with mold toxicity, the rest of you can skip reading this one. I'm learning that I need to clean my toilet bowl much more often. After months of trying to decide if this is what's going on, I've determined it has to be the cause: my urine is full of mycotoxins, and I believe the mycotoxins are why mold grows in my toilet bowl so quickly and easily. The toilet hasn't flushed well in the past couple of years, often times I have to flush twice. I think it doesn't flush everything down, which leaves mycotoxins floating in the bowl all night. If any of you have also experienced this, please leave me a comment!
2. I decided to try the Julian Bakery Paleo Bars. The ingredients appear to be safe for me, and a bar that I can actually eat is amazing for travel. It's very appealing. The problem is that even though the sugar content is very low and they use stevia, these spike my blood sugar like nothing else. My blood sugar went from 98 to 160 after eating one of these! I felt awful! This bar doesn't always give me that bad of a spike, but the fact that it can do this is scary. Also, even though it uses chocolate extract I still get a sulfur reaction from these. I can't tolerate sulfur foods, and chocolate is high in sulfur. The taste is actually kind of addictive, which is the problem for me and why I've had more than one. I tried one of the egg white protein bars and it was disgusting - horrible! It had the texture of Laffy Taffy, where I kept chewing and chewing and chewing and it wouldn't break down, and that whole time I was chewing a nasty sour flavor. Not good. I do not recommend.
3. I wish I could love Epic Bars. They're doing a fantastic job at bringing correctly-raised and nutritionally good quality meat to the market. They're using a variety of animals, everything from beef, chicken, and pork to salmon, venison, and wild boar. The problem is that everyone single one of their bars has either fruit, pork products, or too much black pepper. I can't eat sugar in any form, not even fruit. I can't eat pork. I can't tolerate much black pepper. I was at Whole Foods a few weeks ago and found their new Venison bars. The only problem was that it was black pepper flavored, but I decided to give it a try anyway. A little bit of black pepper every once in a while isn't bad for me. Well, the bars are about half meat and half black pepper. I can see people really enjoying the bar, but wow, that was major black pepper overkill for me! I did eat the whole case of them that I bought, but slowly and only when I felt strong enough to handle it. They're tasty! But what it means is that there is still no single Epic Bar that I can eat, despite them being a grass-fed and pasture raised meat brand. Frustrating!
4. Eating a Whole Foods salad for breakfast for a few days in a row really doesn't work well for me. So many raw vegetables, and the meat isn't anything special. It's also turkey, which can make me tired. My poor body doesn't like raw vegetables. :(
I hope to post more soon!
I'm finding that every autumn I get MUCH worse very suddenly, like hitting a brick wall. While my friends are celebrating the pumpkin spice, all of the colors on the trees, their new fall boots to pair with their leggings, all the festivals, and the cozy hot autumn drinks, I find myself a lot more anxious than normal and in chronic pain again. I'm finding that I'm more argumentative and direct with people, when I actually had a relatively good summer with lots of joking and laughing. My whole mood and personality changes. It's the only seasonal change I'm hyper sensitive to. Winter is actually easier on me, despite the intense negative temperatures that are normal here in North Dakota, but I do feel much more depressed and low than I do during Spring and Summer. I'm clearly living in the wrong state.
I do want to share a few quick things, and they're not necessarily related:
1. This one is for people with mold toxicity, the rest of you can skip reading this one. I'm learning that I need to clean my toilet bowl much more often. After months of trying to decide if this is what's going on, I've determined it has to be the cause: my urine is full of mycotoxins, and I believe the mycotoxins are why mold grows in my toilet bowl so quickly and easily. The toilet hasn't flushed well in the past couple of years, often times I have to flush twice. I think it doesn't flush everything down, which leaves mycotoxins floating in the bowl all night. If any of you have also experienced this, please leave me a comment!
2. I decided to try the Julian Bakery Paleo Bars. The ingredients appear to be safe for me, and a bar that I can actually eat is amazing for travel. It's very appealing. The problem is that even though the sugar content is very low and they use stevia, these spike my blood sugar like nothing else. My blood sugar went from 98 to 160 after eating one of these! I felt awful! This bar doesn't always give me that bad of a spike, but the fact that it can do this is scary. Also, even though it uses chocolate extract I still get a sulfur reaction from these. I can't tolerate sulfur foods, and chocolate is high in sulfur. The taste is actually kind of addictive, which is the problem for me and why I've had more than one. I tried one of the egg white protein bars and it was disgusting - horrible! It had the texture of Laffy Taffy, where I kept chewing and chewing and chewing and it wouldn't break down, and that whole time I was chewing a nasty sour flavor. Not good. I do not recommend.
3. I wish I could love Epic Bars. They're doing a fantastic job at bringing correctly-raised and nutritionally good quality meat to the market. They're using a variety of animals, everything from beef, chicken, and pork to salmon, venison, and wild boar. The problem is that everyone single one of their bars has either fruit, pork products, or too much black pepper. I can't eat sugar in any form, not even fruit. I can't eat pork. I can't tolerate much black pepper. I was at Whole Foods a few weeks ago and found their new Venison bars. The only problem was that it was black pepper flavored, but I decided to give it a try anyway. A little bit of black pepper every once in a while isn't bad for me. Well, the bars are about half meat and half black pepper. I can see people really enjoying the bar, but wow, that was major black pepper overkill for me! I did eat the whole case of them that I bought, but slowly and only when I felt strong enough to handle it. They're tasty! But what it means is that there is still no single Epic Bar that I can eat, despite them being a grass-fed and pasture raised meat brand. Frustrating!
4. Eating a Whole Foods salad for breakfast for a few days in a row really doesn't work well for me. So many raw vegetables, and the meat isn't anything special. It's also turkey, which can make me tired. My poor body doesn't like raw vegetables. :(
I hope to post more soon!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Allergic to Winter?
Winter.
Winter had never been a major issue for me before last year. At the worst, it was cold, gave me bloody noses, and had a tenancy to bring on a fever or cold. Anyone who lives in a climate that snows goes through these normal winter woes. Winter was also fun for me, though. Once upon a time, I loved to sled, build snow forts, have snow ball fights, and make snow angels (I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records with a group of us that all made a snow angel on the Capitol lawn at the same time - we were photographed making the most snow angels at one time in history.) I even went snow boarding a few times and loved it! Living in Idaho, Oregon, and North Dakota always meant access to snow every winter.
So what happened? Well, 2012 was the first time winter brought physical pain and suffering with it. This was the first winter after moving from Idaho to North Dakota. Keep in mind that North Dakota's winters are horrid, whereas winter in Boise, ID (valley in southern Idaho) were fairly mild because it was in a desert. Most of Idaho's famous snow is in the mountains and up north. Boise got some snow, but rarely got below 20º F. Bismarck, ND gets more snow than is manageable and often gets below 0º. I have experienced -46º F here (actual - not windchill!) The year before last, we got 2 feet of snow in one day in April. It was impossible to drive to work, so they were forced to give a snow day (snow days don't normally exist in ND because everyone here is so used to snow.) My point is that North Dakota is a harsh, rough, dangerous place to live in the winter. There is a reason why North Dakotans that receive special honors are called, "Rough Riders," (other than the involvement of Theodore Roosevelt, of course.) If I were to develop inflammation, arthritis, and firbomyalgia problems anywhere in the country, North Dakota is not the best place.
Having winter pain last year made sense. I was just diagnosed with firbomyalgia, and the arthritis in my wrist was reconfirmed. It made sense that winter caused my bones to ache horribly, muscles to cramp harshly, and joints to swell and throb. I always felt the coming storms in my bones, because I would start to get inflamed and ache as the barometric pressure, temperature, and humidity levels changed. I was 25-26 years old, and I was experiencing what "old people" experience. I'm not stereotyping here - most people think that only "old people" get arthritis, which is their sixth sense - the one that predicts the weather.
But... this winter has been pretty similar. I'm a little surprised! Over the past year I've reduced my inflammation substantially. I rid my body of firbomyalgia pain (it's been 8-9 months since experiencing a firbo flare.) Arthritis hasn't been an issue (though in the past two months my wrist has been acting up, but mainly due to a poorly located ganglion as well as too much repetitive motion- I think.) So really, is there any reason why winter would still hurt my body the way it did last year? Evidently, yes. There is some reason, because I can still predict the weather with my bones this winter. The pain is half as bad as it was last year, at least, and the pain generally only affects me in the morning. Most days for the past week and half, since the cold weather settled in and the first snow fall came, I've been waking up very stiff with throbbing, aching, tender bones and muscles. I'm also starting to wake up fatigued again. Not tired, fatigued. I do feel like I've slept enough, but I also feel too little energy to move my aching body out of bed. Once I do get up, move around, take my morning supplements, cook and eat breakfast, drink a hot cup of tea, and move around some more the pain tends to subside. This process tends to take until noon - sometimes 1 or 2 in the afternoon, though. In the past few days, the worst I've felt in the afternoon has been pressure on my muscles. It's as though someone is poking me with their finger as hard as they can in one spot, usually on my shins. The pain goes away on its own after a while, but I'm not sure what's causing it or how to prevent it.
The biggest problem, in my opinion, about winter is the light. This is possibly a S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or an MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) issue - or both! Thankfully, North Dakota winters are actually pretty sunny. There are no mountains here, so the wind is constantly blowing, which keeps the sky clear when it isn't snowing. The problem, however, is that the days are short. I'm able to light most of my house with only sunlight until about 4-5 pm, and then I need artificial light of some sort. For whatever reason, artificial light really bothers me. A lot! I can put up with it in bathrooms. I can deal with the ceiling light in the bedroom for the short time I need it. I can even put up with the light in the kitchen, as irritating as it is, for the couple hours I usually need it the evenings. What I can't deal with is the light in my home office. All of the lights I'm referring to are incandescent, NOT florescent. They are the "safe" lights that shouldn't affect people with MCS, right? We do have a couple florescent lights in our home, such as in our entry way, but I hardly spend any time there so I don't notice how they affect me. Anyway, the office ceiling light is very grating on me. I hate it. It causes me to feel like I'm in an artificial work place prison, where the fake light is too bright and causes my mood to plummet and my will to work to diminish. It's possible that the problem is that the light bulbs are too high of a wattage. It's also possible that the type of light they emit is poor quality (maybe the kelvins - color temperature - are too low?) It's also possible that I have an aversion to light bulbs and the office lights bother me the most because I spend most of my time in the office with natural sun light, not the ceiling light. Regardless of the problem, I'm about to run an experiment. I ordered full spectrum light bulbs (highest kevlin light) from Amazon, and once they arrive I plan to install them and see if I tolerate the ceiling light in the evening. The thing is... and those of you with MCS may think I'm crazy for this... I ordered a florescent version. Yes, the kind with mercury. The kind that tend to cause MCS reactions. I, personally, have yet to confirm that fluorescent cause problems for me. I believe they're terrible for the planet, and I'm pretty fearful of the mercury content in them, but sometimes I just gotta do what I gotta do, right? The reason I chose these bulbs wasn't because they're fluorescent. It was because they had the highest rating at the most affordable price. ;) If, however, I have an adverse reaction to them, I'll buy the full spectrum incandescent ones, which are way more expensive. (I ordered these ones: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089MIH8I/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
I have yet to get a work-out in today. I think shoveling the fresh layer of snow is going to count for it today.
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