3 Days of Rashes

Rashes! For 3 days! I'm puffy, swollen, have hives, have rashes, and I'm positively miserable. I'm very fatigued and feel almost no emotional capacity.

No, I don't know what is causing this, but there are possibilities. I'm going emotionally numb after all the heartache I've been through. (Someone tried to commit suicide again last night, and I'm just... I have nothing left to process it with.) I also started my period 4 days early, in contrast to being over a week late the last few months. It was much more painful than it has been and came with other bathroom issues. My diet hasn't been bad, but I've been eating less protein than I should in favor of more easy nuts and seeds to snack on. It's possible I can't tolerate that much. The weather is also making drastic sudden changes a lot, and I tend to flare during sudden changes like this. I'm also still on my doctor's mold protocol and maybe it just took a month to push out this much through my skin. I took a sauna when I was little too weak to handle it. My sleep has been... really bad. And then last night I was able to sleep solid like a rock because my period started. There's a lot of possibilities.

Anyway, I'm miserable. I feel like my hormones all dumped out of my body and I don't have any left to be human with. I'm in pain and itchy. I feel way too weak when standing up, occasionally out of breath and sweating just from standing. POTS is in full swing right now, and I'm vibrating even just sitting or laying down. I'm so over this.

Forgive me for not writing more informative posts like I used to. I'm just dealing with this. It's all I can do.

Maine and Acadia National Park (Doctor Visit/ Vacation)

Last week I was halfway across the country again to visit my doctor. At this point I have nothing I want to say about lab results or my examination, so this post won't be about that. I made some enlightening observations and have some stories to share. 

I spent 2 full 8 hour days at his clinic doing therapies, such as hyperbaric oxygen chamber, sauna, IVs, acupuncture, and more. The winning therapy for me this visit was the colonic irrigation. I knew my gut wasn't working well when I arrived. I didn't have a concept of just how stuffed it turned out to be. Before I give you too much information, I'll stop there. 2 colonics from 2 awesome nurses later I noticed major symptom relief. My acne (which was starting to make me look like a teenager) totally cleared up. My vision was less fuzzy again. My hiatial hernia feels like it's gone. The pressure in my upper back and shoulders is gone. I'm not burping or feeling mild heartburn anymore. Best of all? My mood! Despite raging PMS, I felt peace. This tranquility and calm took over, and I felt like I didn't have to force myself to be kind anymore. My last colonic was 9 days ago. Today I started my period (hellish pain), but guess what? The bloat went away. I dropped 5 pounds (overnight, seriously) and for the first time in who knows how long my stomach looks flat. I feel light and thin.

I took this after just getting up from laying in bed from last night until 2 pm in some pretty nasty endometriosis pain (and with a sedating pain killing tincture still flowing through me)... so ignore my tired face. It's not the best angle to see my stomach, and I'm not sure I have a photo so you can compare, but believe me. My stomach isn't bulging like it was during PMS and pre-colonic. I normally can't wear this tank (medium Pact racerback) because my stomach is too bloated for it, but it fits well now!



You might be wondering why I haven't been doing gut cleanses here at home. I actually was. I take DGL regularly, and use aloe vera with slippery elm as needed. I also take vitamin C and magnesium citrate. In fact, the week before I got on the plane, my local acupuncturist had me on an herb blend with a strong laxative effect (and she didn't tell me.) Let's just say it was working and I was in the bathroom often. It just doesn't do the same thing as a colonic. All that water from the other end does wonders.

My other therapies were very helpful too. I love glutathione and vitamin C IVs so much. They wake up a part of me that I forget exists. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel more complete for a while after them. 

This was one of my German footbaths. This is not that silly type of detox footbath that turns colors based on what the water pulls out from your feet (hint: the water in those turns colors even if your feet are not in it!) This is a seaweed blend and it feels amazing on my purple freezing feet. 

Normally my mom travels with me to see my doctor. This time my husband insisted on taking me so he could make a vacation out of it. As much as I love to explore, I was honestly really nervous to vacation. I was unsure that I'd have the strength and energy, and I knew I'd end up holding him back from doing as much as he wanted to. He doesn't like to stay in one place long, he likes to see as much as possible and pack the day full. I used to be the same before I got sick. Now I like the idea of finding a pretty park in a new place and relaxing there for a while.

My doctor is in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (Human Nature Natural Health.) The first evening we got to relax on the deck of our Airbnb (I'll blog about finding Airbnb's that are safe later.) We had the most beautiful sunset to watch. That last evening we went to a Jazz Club downtown - not the sort of thing I'd normally do after 2 full days of therapies that leave me very calm, peaceful, and just wanting rest to soak it in. Also not the type of place my MCS normally allows me to tolerate. I was able to relax in my chair and enjoy it with a locally grown salad full of veggies I could actually eat. It was actually a fairly safe place for me to be that evening, surprisingly!




After 2 days there, we drove up to Portland, Maine for the day. Neither of us really liked Portland all that well. Everywhere we went people were either smoking cigarettes or marijuana. The downtown stone streets smelled like smoke, which was really disappointing. It was upscale swanky shopping for things that really were not that interesting. I found a store that said "organic apparel" on its sign, so I went in. No joke, all they sold were glass blown bongs and female sex toys. (Glass sex toys? Really?) No clothing anywhere. I went into Irish Crystal store - I had to know what Irish crystals were. There were no crystals, just a ton of very dusty old merchandise that I think was supposed to have been imported.

Finding dinner in Portland was maddeningly difficult. There are two Greek places in Portsmouth where I can get lamb kabobs that I do really well with. Portland? There are a crazy number of restaurants. So many of them only serve less than 10 dishes. Most of them are so unique, like culinary art dishes, that I couldn't eat any of them. I couldn't just get a steak because they were all marinated. We settled on a restaurant on a boat and I ordered haddock with asparagus. They did listen to my dietary needs and allergies, they did make it just as I asked for. But I found myself with a mild allergic reaction (tingling lips and a swollen throat.) Probably cross contamination.

The next day we drove up the coast all the way to Surry, ME (just north of Acadia National Park.) It was a full day of driving and stopping at interesting places along the way. I was so drained, so sitting in a car all day just looking at stuff was helpful. We got out at a few interesting places. 

Rockport, ME

A big bridge with an observatory on top of one of the pillars.

We arrived at our Airbnb in Surry that evening and found dinner at place in Ellsworth that worked out well for me. A smaller town, but much more simple menus! Notice how finding food that doesn't hurt me is a theme on this trip? I was able to cook every breakfast at our "homes," thankfully. We went into a couple of Whole Foods and stocked up on easy grass-fed hamburgers and veggies so I could cook breakfast. I also brought my own stainless steel pan. I know that sounds crazy, but I couldn't risk getting stuck with Teflon pans.

Surry, ME Airbnb - this place was great! Highly recommend for sensitive people like myself!

<sub><sup>We spent the last two days in Acadia National Park. Now this is where the trip gets interesting for me in terms of health. Obviously I wasn't going to do as well in cities with lots of people, pollution, and poor food options. I seem to get along with National Parks very very well!

The first day was an overcast costal misty kind of day, where it wasn't actually raining, but the mist got everything wet. I love those kind of days. We spent the first part of the day in Bar Harbor, which was everything I was hoping Portland was going to be and wasn't. The air was fresh, the streets were filled with truly interesting shops that were not filled with fragrance, it had fantastic organic and local food options, and such a pretty view. My husband doesn't like shopping, but he was enjoying the stores and we had fun. There was a hemp textile store (my favorite), a fair trade shop, a bookstore with a huge discount section of awesome books (I can't flip thorough many of them due to the ink, but my husband scored big time), an old fashioned clock making factory shop, gem and mineral stores, and more. I loved that I was able to go into many of these places with little issue. That's so rare for me. There were a few stores that I walked in and walked right out due to incense or fragrance, but overall most of the shops seemed to understand that people don't want to smell anything.

In the afternoon we drove the main loop in Acadia National Park. I loved the overcast mood over the park from the mist. It brought out all sorts of tones and colors in the trees and ocean that were not there when the sun was out that evening and the next day. We had the park mostly to ourselves. It was a Friday before Memorial Day weekend, so it wasn't busy at all. Perfection.</sup></sub> 

My hubby and I after arriving in the park

On top of Cadillac Mountain. I took this while in the middle of a cloud that was blowing across the peak. It was cold, but stunningly beautiful. 

After the cloud blew through I snapped this photo of the view. Breathtaking! 

I climbed over some of the rocky cliffs to take lots of photos like this

Me enjoying climbing close to the edge

The sun came out, so I hiked down these rocky cliffs and fond a cozy spot to lay in the sun. My hubby snapped the photo. He knew this was how I wanted to spend vacation: laying in the sun in a beautiful place!

<sub><sup>The next day we spent the majority of the day in the park. It was a very different day. The sun was out the whole day, it was warm... and the tourists started to show up. By the later afternoon the park was full and it was hard to find places to park at the attractions. Thankfully by that point we had seen most of the park without people in the way. 
I was feeling well enough so I picked out a trail to hike. Yes, I wanted to hike! I wouldn't say I had energy, but I felt strong enough. I felt in control. I felt capable. It took us 2 hours to hike the trail, and there was no warning about the difficulty level. The trail started easy, just walking on a path. Then, a ways into it, turned into slightly advanced trails on rocks and narrow wooden bridges. Then there were some vertical areas. As in, the path was no longer horizontal. We had to rock climb down maybe 20 to 30 feet in a few places. I was so not prepared for that.

But guess what? My heart rate was fine. Stayed in the 90's and low 100's. It was a challenging trail that left me sore, but my body enjoyed it. It wasn't giving me any trouble. The same thing happened in Glacier National Park. When I walk around easy Bismarck trails here at home my HR tends to be in the 120's up to 170's. I go to a National Park and hike advanced trails and my HR is actually lower, my breathing is great, I'm not dizzy, and I feel strong. What's the difference? Well, a lot. It goes to show I'm not out of shape. I could be in much better shape, but I don't have a deconditioning problem. In these parks I get dense fresh clean air. No dryer sheets, car exhaust, cigarette smoke, smelly deodorant on other people, pesticides, mosquito fogging... it's just pure clean fresh air. There's also no cell service, so no EMFs. This makes for a profoundly different environment. 

The problem is that I didn't feel energetic, only capable. I did end up hitting a brick wall near the end of the trail. I reached my limit of what my body could handle. I felt my mood suddenly drop, then my vision started to stagger and shake a bit, then my whole body started to shake, then I couldn't prevent involuntary crying, and then I felt the need to faint. But I didn't. Because my body resists fainting. It really likes to make me suffer through all the pre-fainting feelings until I sit or lay down. My heart hurt so badly. It was banging against my rib cage. I had air hunger. Everything was swaying. I felt like I was walking on a boat, but it was land. I ate some jerky, but it didn't seem to a be a blood sugar issue. Thankfully my hubby helped me get to the car and I was able to recover while he drove. When we got to the car there was an ambulance and firetruck at the trail head... I was worried about whoever they were there for, but also thinking to myself that I was so happy to know they were there if I had needed them. 
So I had a POTS episode. But otherwise I survived a 2 hour hike on a drop-dead gorgeous coastal cliff trail!</sup></sub> 

I choose the Great Head Trail

I wanted to do the tree, but I didn't want my dirty foot on my pants, so I did an awkward incomplete version. Hahaha

I enjoyed climbing all over these cliff edges. That's a long way down!

This was the view of Sand Beach from the peak of the trail, a very rare natural beach on the Maine Coast

I found another great place for a nap on the cliff edge!

I forgot how to pose in photos, so I just did silly things

Yes, this park was therapy. My doctor's clinic was necessary therapy, but so was this park.

Even though I have chronic fatigue and it's difficult for me to do much, spending the energy I do have in places that revitalizes me is really important. I'm recovered just enough that I'm able to travel for medical reasons, and able to do simple things on vacation if I'm driven around. I can't do the driving myself anymore. It's very overstimulating and overwhelming. New places used to be invigorating to me. But as long as I don't over do it and I have the right person taking me on the trip, every once in a while a trip like this really helps. Of course I have to factor in that I had just had 2 days of therapies from my doctor! It was like taking a pill that gave me quality of life and stimulation just long enough to actually go on a vacation. I highly doubt I could manage a trip to a city like New York - I don't have the energy for that. I would collapse. But driving around and walking as I'm able to makes for a healthy vacation.

The next day we flew home, but we started the day in Bangor, ME. Any Stephen King Fans? We had a bit of time to see a few landmarks, but here are 2. The statue from IT and Stephen King's house!



I could tell you a bunch of stories, like homeless people standing at our car door and making it impossible to get out, sitting next to a Canadian ER nurse on the plane, talking to a cancer patient at my doctor's clinic... but I don't have the energy. I wanted to share these highlights instead. 

Norovirus is No Joke

Here's the short version:

I got Norovirus and it lasted for 5 days. It ranked in the top 3 worst pain experiences of my life. I'm too drained to recover easily. My stomach and gut are not back to normal and are very picky about what food and in what amount and when I eat it. I'm emotionally dead and deeply depressed. I finally had my appointment with my new local primary care doctor since I need an MD on my record, and she's sending me to a gynecologist and a cardiologist.

...I feel like this is just leading to a repeat of 2013 all over again. Lots of money getting thrown at doctors who likely will just tell me I'm normal and it's all in my head. I wonder why I bother, then I remember my disability case, and I remember that I'm supposed to be hounding lawyers until someone takes my case. Yeah, well, give me some magic pill to return me to good health if you want me to try harder to get a lawyer. If I want to ever get government assistance then I need MDs, not NDs, to diagnose me. But it's the ND that actually helps me.

Am I being too honest if I say I either want to be able to live without all these health problems or just die? Does that make you uncomfortable? Sorry, my filters are full and can't filter anything else. It's all I can think about. I can't enjoy the things that normally make me happy. I'm pushing my friends away because I don't have any energy at all for them. I'm just blank. I'm emotionally dead. My body feels like an empty shell. There's no energy or life in me. Norovirus took what I had left. 2 days of vomiting, diarrhea, and horrid skin aching and tenderness. 2 more days of just diarrhea and skin pain, Another day of just diarrhea. Any fuel or qi or life energy that I had left is gone. I'm not suicidal, I just don't want to take part in anything in life. Any appointment, commitment, phone call, email... it's too demanding. Wants too much of me. I can feel a pool of anger and resentment somewhere in me, and if that's the only emotion my body will give me then I really need to stay away from people.

I'm going to a gynecologist because I can't stop bleeding in heavy amounts. It's been 2 months of bleeding almost every day. I tried some herbs from my acupuncturist to stop the bleeding. One of them did reduce the bleeding without side effects. The other seemed to stop the bleeding for a few days, but gave me such low blood pressure that I spent the whole day trying to keep my head upside down to manage the headache and painful blurry vision. I know I'm very blood deficient. She gave me herbs to boil and drink to improve my blood, but I haven't yet because of Easter taking over and then getting Norovirus. But seriously, puking my stomach and flushing my guts out when I'm already blood deficient? Why does my body choose to live through these things? Why does it hold on to life? And why don't doctors see that I'm suffering so severely that I'm not able to actually live any sort of life? It's mind blowing. My ND sees it. My acupuncturist sees it. My chiropractor doesn't question it. The neurologist I saw seemed to believe me, but he's so far away and I think he did what he can do within his specialty.

Trying to eat is a major problem. My stomach and gut are so sensitive that I have to figure out exactly the right thing to feed them, and then when I do I can only manage a couple of bites before I get pain and feeling overly full. Yesterday eating a baked sweet potato with just olive oil and salt worked. Today sweet potato is cramping my stomach. Chicken broth the super soft canned chicken is working consistently, but only until my stomach can't take more liquid. It's being just as picky about water. I feel dehydrated, but water feels like a bowling ball in my stomach. Last night I wasn't able to eat for 5 hours before it was bedtime. I knew I'd get pain from hunger if I didn't eat, so I tried to eat some very soft non-greasy sausage. I managed about 3 bites before I got major pain in my stomach. My gut was so inflamed it was giving me a horrid headache. I had to just go to sleep and sleep it off. Enzymes are helping to a certain point. I know that if I could turn my digestive system back on that I might actually be able to get some energy again... I feel like I'm gaining a tiny bit back everyday, but it's not enough. I wouldn't be able to type this right now if not for the green tea I've been sipping on all morning and the tiny bit of energy I'm getting back each day.

I'm going to attempt to go to work today for 3 hours. I'm lucky that I was only scheduled for a 3 hour shift today before I knew this was going to happen. I've missed 3 or 4 shifts already, so I need to try.

Candida

I wasn't sure if it was a good idea for me to talk about this issue so soon, but after discovering how common of an issue it is, I decided I would share my story so far. I need some type of outlet for this issue, because my goodness, it's the only thing on my mind right now! It also will serve as an explanation for what's going on - why I've been extra quiet and distant this week.

My doctor told me it's time to address my candida overgrowth. This surprised me. I didn't know I had a candida issue, and from what I knew of candida symptoms, I assumed I would have figured out on my own that I have a candida problem. As it turns out, I didn't know that much about candida, despite reading quite a bit of the Yeast Connection book two years ago when I was searching for answers. Yes, I had tons of the symptoms listed in the book: multiple chemical sensitives, rashes, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, regular discharge, extreme menstrual pain and flow, and digestive issues. All of these symptoms, though, were explained by other methods. What I did not have were regular yeast infections (I've only had 3 in my life, one of which was expected as a side effect of antibiotics I was temporarily put on for a MRSA abscess.) So I dismissed candida, thinking it probably wasn't my issue. Even though it turns out to be one of my issues, it is good that I didn't try to address it on my own before seeing my doctor, because I was not nearly strong enough back then to handle a candida cleanse.

What I know now is that heavy antibiotic use throughout life causes candida overgrowth. As you may know, I've been put on lots of antibiotics - 1-2 rounds a year at least for most of my childhood and teen years. I was also on antibiotics for a full year when I was 1 year old due to a chronic ear infection. Antibiotics destroy both good and bad bacteria in the gut, and when there's an imbalance of good bacteria in the gut, the candida yeast spreads. I've also had several mold exposures, and yeast can feed on mold. I was also eating plenty of sugar, and yeast loves sugar. The Yeast Connection book I linked to earlier explains all of this. I suggest that you do your own research and talk to your doctor if it's something you want to know more about. There are tons of websites, books, and studies dedicated to candida. I am writing this post to share my experience, not explain candida.

My Naturopathic Doctor has me on a candida cleanse using lots and lots of herbs. I will not tell you what he's having me take. What I'm taking is very strong and cannot be purchased off store shelves. If you want to do a cleanse, talk to your doctor (I highly recommend finding a licensed Naturopthic doctor for this, but from what I've heard from others I've talked to who have also done cleanses, a licensed acupuncturist or Chinese Medicine Doctor can also provide the same type of herbs I'm on right now.) I'm taking 4 rounds of pills a day until the candida is gone. This is a process.

I'm currently on day 6 of the cleanse, but I should be clear that I've been on a diet that does not promote candida growth for over a year. I've had almost no sugar and I've been very low carb.

Here's what I've been going through, symptoms starting at day 2 of the cleanse:

- Intense bloating!!
- Constipation AND too many extra trips to the bathroom
- Rashes
- Night sweats
- Restless aching muscles that burn like acid after being worked
- Fibromyalgia flares like I haven't felt in a year
- Inability to eat much because of intense bloating
- Adrenaline rushes/ jittery uncomfortable energy
- Debilitating fatigue
- Sleeplessness and over sleeping
- Teeth sensitivity flares
- Nausea
- Headaches
- Muscle Tension
- Heart palpitations

Yes, it's been really unpleasant. Apparently most of this is due to the "die-off effect." Candida can go anywhere in the body and cause problems, so as the yeast dies off, we can have die-off symptoms where the yeast was.

Let me explain the bloating symptom, because I want to complain (ha!) I didn't think to measure my belly before starting the cleanse, unfortunately, but I do know that I've been wearing a size 6 pant, which translates to a waist size of 27 1/2" as far as fashion sizes are concerned (not hip size, waist size.) I measured about an inch below my waist once I started measuring.

On day 2 the bloating began, and it was so bad that I couldn't even get my loose-fitting dresses to cover it up. I looked 7-8 months pregnant. I didn't take measurements until the after noon of day 3. Measuring at about half an inch below my belly button, I measured 36.5". The morning of day 4 I measured 34.5", at 1:30 that afternoon I was at 36", and at 7:30 pm I was at 37". Day 5 morning measurement was 36", afternoon was 37", and evening 36.5". This morning, day 6, I measured at 35" (but I forgot to measure until after taking my pills, which is an instant bloater - I looked my thinnest of the week this morning.) I'm currently at 36.5" after eating breakfast.

I don't think my belly could grow larger than 37" without bursting open! The bloating has been painful because I've felt stretched to my limit. My stomach has felt very firm, like a balloon filled to capacity. This isn't the jiggly "feeling fat" type of bloating - it's about as firm as possible. My clothing hasn't fit, so I haven't left the house. I'm sporting sweat pants and over sized shirts.

I don't know how long this cleanse will take, but I'm seriously looking forward to being done with it. Until it's done, it's dominating my thoughts. The discomfort is constant, and it's making me less interested in anything else for the time being.

Please leave a comment here on my blog or on Facebook with your candida experience. I want to hear what you've gone through on your cleanses!

A detailed retelling of my break down. What it was like to work while chronically sick.

Every time I go through a period where my gut is irritated and unhappy, I'm reminded of how horrible my health was just over a year ago. I didn't know it back then, but my gut health was one of my most significant problems, causing issues in the rest of my body. I haven't detailed just how terrible my health was on this blog because it's not a time in my life that I like to revisit. I've only said as much as I needed to in order to make my point in that post. I think I will revisit it, to some degree, in this post as a way of connecting with my readers who are currently suffering. The best time to write about this topic is when I'm not feeling my best, because I want to express the pain in some way. (I'm okay- don't worry. What I'm experiencing at the moment will pass in an hour or two. I knew something was wrong when I woke up this morning because my dreams were very hostile and angry, and sure enough, my gut isn't in good shape today.)

Most people would assume that when you're deeply suffering you have two options: you either fight to survive, or you break down in tears and give in. What if neither option works for you? That's where I was at for a few months in late 2013. I simply didn't have the energy, strength, or mental capacity to fight or cry. I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep living, because I couldn't see the point when I was a total vegetable. Crying wouldn't have helped because it would have taken up the tiny bit of energy I needed to stay alive. I was blank. My brain didn't work right: I couldn't think well, my memory wasn't working, I didn't feel time passing, and my dreams were so weak they couldn't even form a story. My body wouldn't respond to my will: I spent my days mostly in bed because I couldn't support myself, getting up and going to the bathroom felt like I was training to run a marathon, cooking and eating felt futile and unimportant because of how much energy it took, and everything hurt all the time.

Some days were better than others. I was at my weakest after 13 days on Cymbalta. It made me so much worse! Before that horrible anti-depressant experiment, I was functioning on some level. I was still going to my 30 hour per week secretarial job, but I wasn't holding myself together. I couldn't remember the names of people who came into the office regularly, my eyes were crossing as if I hadn't slept in days, I took much longer to complete a basic task than I should have needed, and I just couldn't get excited about things happening in the office that I should have been excited about. During the year I was at that job I got worse and worse. When I first started the job in 2012 I did feel exhausted, but capable of working. Shortly after starting the job, I got a MRSA abscess on an area of my body with extremely delicate skin and tons of nerve endings. I took 2 weeks of sick time to recover from that (much of that time was spent in the doctor's office and in the ER screaming at the top of m lungs in sheer pain.) A few months after that I lost all motion in my right wrist and thumb, finding myself in a splint and brace for 4 weeks. I had to do my job with my left hand, which wore it out. I then found my left hand in a splint and brace for 4 weeks. By that point, my exhaustion had turned into physical pain, and after several months of seeing doctors, I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It's a wonder they ever put up with me - I'm shocked they didn't fire me for being too sick all the time. It was then that I was put on Cymbalta, which forced me to be bed ridden. I missed about 3 weeks of work because it was impossible to get out of bed, even after I quit the Cymbalta. That's when my parents brought me out to New Hampshire to see a naturopathic doctor who could help me, and he's been the greatest blessing for me (along with my husband and parents, who I love very very much!) I quit my job after I came home from seeing him, because I finally learned, in detail, just how poor my health was. I knew I needed to put all my energy into recovering, not working. And frankly, I no longer had the strength to work. It was no surprise to anyone that I quit my job.

What was it like in detail?
Oh my goodness. Try going to work every day with a foggy cloud wrapped around your head and your eyes. I was always a bit dizzy. My speech was mumbled and slurred, and I couldn't find the right words to say. I had a difficult time focusing my vision because everything I looked at was a little on the blurry side. My legs and arms had a constant dull ache which would turn into sharp jabbing pains when I moved them. I had to go to the bathroom every 5-20 minutes because my bladder muscles felt too weak. I was nearly constantly clenching so I wouldn't leak. My gut gurgled and churned on a regular basis. I could often feel it pulsing (the same type of feeling as when a nerve twitches under your skin.)  My skin was almost always icy cold and pale, and I hated touching my body because it felt achy and cold. My brain refused to work, even when I tried as hard as I could to focus it. Every thought I wanted to have turned into a blurry, floating, dreamy image that would linger for a second then fly away, leaving my brain blank. I found myself thinking out loud to people, because I really didn't have the ability to think about my response before responding to them. I'm sure I said a lot of things that made no sense to people. I caught myself not breathing fairly often, and when I was breathing it was very short and shallow breaths. I caught myself staring at my computer screen for minutes at a time, having no clue how much time had just passed while I was zoned out. My coworker/ office mate would often start talking to me and I would be so zoned out that I didn't even notice. I got scared very easily, and my adrenaline and heart rate would sky rocket when someone unexpectedly walked into my office. I was also growing more and more dyslexic, in that I was often typing the last letter of a word first, or writing a number different from the number someone told me to write down. I couldn't trust that I took accurate notes. Oh my goodness, then there were the times when I was teaching Faith Formation classes as a substitute or even leading the classes of 1-8th graders through the hallways or to the church - I found myself sweating and panting from all the stairs and long hallways through the church education building. It was embarrassing to look like I was working out at the YMCA every time I needed to physically work with the kids. 

When I could no longer work and I quit my job, the time I spent my days laying in bed was miserable, but better. I didn't have to work, didn't have to impress anyone, didn't have to think straight, didn't have to be coherent to anyone... I was free of the burden of being a functioning member of society. The problem was that it allowed me to focus only on my pain all day long. I couldn't see anything other than my own misery. In a way I felt better because I wasn't spending my energy on things other than my health, but in a way I felt worse because I wasn't using my body anymore. It was a true "break down." I laid there with my whole stomach and gut churning and throbbing, my legs and arms aching and stabbing, my muscles building tension like they were violin strings getting tuned, my bones cracking and swelling with every motion, and my brain lost in the twilight zone.

I didn't know how to fight.
I didn't have the energy or care to cry.

A year a few months later, I'm writing this post while feeling about 50-60% better on average (though I have occasional periods of time where I feel 70% better.) I now have the knowledge and tools I need to fight, and so I'm spending every day fighting. The effort is paying off. I now have the energy and care to cry, but I haven't felt like it. The feeling of hope that has developed has me too happy and excited to want to return to how dark and painful those times were.

I sincerely hope that my story reaches your heart and helps build a sense of empathy within you. It's so easy to make assumptions about people who are sick. It's so easy to say, "Gee, maybe he'd feel a lot better if he didn't eat fast food all the time," when in reality that person is overweight and lethargic even though he's eating only whole foods and goes for daily walks. It's so easy to say, "Well you know that person just wants attention and isn't trying to do anything about their perceived pain; I mean, if you're in pain, go to a doctor and fix it," when in reality that person has spent $10,000 on doctors who haven't been able to help. It's so easy to say, "That person is useless to society, look at the way she brings everyone around her down with her depression and weak body," when in reality that person might be desperately trying to hold on to friendships and a social life so she feels like she does have meaning in her life, despite her constant pain. Please, avoid judgment. While many people do actually make themselves miserable by eating a stereotypical fast food diet and refuse to see doctors, many people are sick despite their best efforts to be well.

I ate mostly organic non-processed foods before I got that sick. I did get some regular exercise in (in that I wasn't a couch potato.) I did see doctors. I did try to get help. I still had a complete break down.

You should know that my memory was very bad during the time when I was my most sick. There's a lot that I simply cannot recall because my brain wasn't healthy enough to form memories. This post is probably lacking a lot of detail because of this. I sincerely hope that you cannot relate to this problem, but as I've been reaching out I've been meeting many people who, unfortunately, can relate. If you're one of the people who can relate, do not give up. Healing is possible. You probably won't find the help you need through western medicine, surgery, or drugs (as you probably have already learned,) but help is out there in other forms. That is what this blog is about. Don't give up.

High Fat? I'm thinking so!

I am completely exhausted, and only moderately interested in writing this blog post. The sinus infection wiped me out and I'm still attempting to recover from it. My husband's schedule has been chaotic and I've been trying to keep up with helping him out (and attending a performance he played piano for, which made me a little sick because I was surrounded by perfume and hairspray in the audience.) The weather has been jumping up and down too, and the barometric pressure is really messing with me today. I just can't win. I'm toast.

...Except for the energy I gained from what I just ate. It's not much, but I'm choosing to dedicate it to this post.

As many of you already know, I've been eating a high protein diet with very low carbs and no sugar. It's been working very well for me. I wasn't paying attention to one important thing, though: fat. All along I've been using whole fat coconut milk, coconut oil, avocados, walnuts, fatty steaks, and so on. I have not been avoiding fat by any means, but I have not been focusing on it. Since reading all the success stories that other people have had by being on a high fat diet (mainly based on Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis,) I decided to experiment.

Last night I mixed whole fat organic coconut milk fat in with organic unsweetened sunflower seed butter (I cannot tolerate almonds or peanuts, so sunbutter is my preference.) I did this because the cans of coconut milk I ordered came with the fat separated, and no amount of shaking or stirring would fix it, so I wanted a way to use the fat. This is the result:



Coconut milk fat whips the same way that heavy cream does: it turns into "whipped cream." I didn't blend the two ingredients quite long enough for it to become a thick whipped cream, I just blended until the ingredients were not separate. The result was a super rich, creamy, desert-like texture and taste. Yum! Next time I want to try adding raw organic coco powder in as well.

I ate a little bit before I went to bed last night. I normally eat a little protein before sleeping to keep my blood sugar level stable throughout the night (hypoglycemic issue.) This did not work as well as pure protein before bed. I struggled to fall asleep because I actually gained some energy, and woke up much hungrier than normal. (My blood sugar felt okay, thankfully, because hunger usually means I'm totally zoned out, and I had the ability to focus - my stomach was actually growling, which is a sound I haven't heard in over a year.)

I ate the rest of this as my afternoon snack. Within 20 minutes of eating it, I went from dragging so hard that I could barely focus on my computer screen to feeling a current of energy beneath my tired eyes and head. I have felt very satisfied for the last hour. I didn't feel like I ate much food (so I didn't feel "full" when I was done,) but I've had no desire to eat more and I'm still feeling satisfied.

This was not my first experiment with focusing on high fat foods in my diet. Over the past 2 weeks I've stopped cutting the fat off my meat. I hate the texture of animal fat, but I've been eating it anyway. I've had whole avocados as snacks (I can't have them too often because they're starchy, so I limit to 3 a week.) I've been adding coconut oil into my tea and I've been choosing to cook with it instead of olive oil. I've felt less hungry than normal these past two weeks, and the bloating in my gut went away. I haven't lost more weight yet, but my inflammation is down, so I look slimmer.

In other words, eating high fat is complimenting my high protein diet very well. Food is more filling, satisfies for longer, gives me more energy, and has been very gentle on my delicate gut. It sure beats eating extra vegetables to feel more satisfied, which in turn bloat me and give me a bit of a sugar high because vegetables are so high in carbs! I don't know why I keep eating so many vegetables. They don't do me any favors. I just like the taste of them. Sigh.

There's a lot to know about what fat does for the body. Rather than explaining it myself, since I'm a little too tired to care to get into the details, watch this testimony. She has done some serious research (and is a nutrition major in college,) and explains why our bodies need fat in an easy-to-understand way:

Perfume and wheat is a painful combonation!

I'm treating this post more as a record for myself, but this experience is worth sharing.

Let me begin with this statement by Dr. William Davis, author of Wheat Belly:

As a Roman Catholic, one of my biggest contentions with my religion is the use of modern wheat to make the hosts used as the Eucharist. My issue isn't with the transubstantiation itself, it's very simply with the use of modern wheat, which isn't even the same type of wheat that was in the bread that Jesus broke at the Last Supper. I think the Vatican needs to hire a nutritionist to compare the type of wheat the Jews ate in 32 AD to the new strain of wheat we're served today.  (If you read Wheat Belly by Dr. Davis, you'll learn that the wheat in Jesus's time only had something like 24 chromosomes while wheat today, which is an intentionally dwarfed modified version, has 48 chromosomes - lots of differences - but I have not verified these numbers to make sure they're correct, so don't quote me.) Since the theology of the wheat is so paramount to the Mass, shouldn't the church explore what the correct wheat to use is?

The reason for my theological thoughts are due to my choice last night (though this is an issue I've been struggling with since my doctor had me go grain-free.) Since going grain-free over a year ago, I have rarely taken the Eucharist, knowing any wheat at all would mess with my body's ability to heal. Every time I ate the Eucharist, I did notice a reaction of mild heart palpitations. Last night I took the Eucharist again, hoping a mild allergic reaction (because I am actually allergic to wheat) would be the worst of it. This time, the effect was much worse.

Let me back up a bit first. I was already feeling a bit ill when I went up to receive the Eucharist.  As you know, I'm intolerant of perfumes and other chemicals. A heavily perfumed woman sat next to me at Mass. I was very frustrated, because I waited right before Mass started to take a seat so that I could carefully choose a seat away from people wearing perfume at the end of the pew. I found a great spot, and then about 5 minutes into the Mass this woman, without asking, suddenly stood next to me and gave me the "make room for me" look. She assumed I would slide over so she could sit next to me at the end of the pew. The problem is that it's normal to slide over to make room for people, so her expectation that I would move over for her was normal. I didn't know what to do - I slid over and let her in. I didn't want to be rude, it was difficult to talk to her because the Mass had started, and I didn't realize at first that she was heavily scented. A few minutes later I started to notice the smell of bananas (yes - she smelled like banana ice cream, of all weird scents) radiating from her, and about 15 minutes later I was feeling pretty ill. There were several points where I wanted to get up and find a new seat, but looking around, I didn't see any better options. The sanctuary was packed. It's also very difficult to walk around discreetly in that church - everyone would notice if I got up and walked around. So I decided, for the sake of an experiment, I would sit next to this lady all of Mass and see just how bad my reaction to her perfume would get. My eyes were burning, my brain shut down, I was really fatigued, my eye was twitching, and I had mild heart palpitations. I made it through Mass, though, and I didn't get to the point where I "couldn't take it anymore." I wasn't feeling well, but I was functioning well enough to make it through Mass (though I had zero focus for the homily.) I think this means that my chemical sensitives may be improving - I am, after all, on a remedy that should help lessen the reactions. (Have I ever mentioned how helpful my doctor is? :) )

Keeping the fact that I was already reacting in mind, the Eucharist made me feel more ill. I quickly had worsened heart palpitations. After getting home from Mass, I noticed my gut was starting to ache. I soon had painful, sharp gut cramps and started to bloat. My bowel was irritated in several ways, and I couldn't seem to reduce the pain. I drank plenty of lemon ginger tea, took some enzymes, took some anti-inflammatory supplements, and even took extra probiotics. Nothing helped. I went to bed hoping I would feel better in the morning. I did sleep fairly well for 9 hours, thankfully. My gut, however, wasn't feeling much better this morning. Several trips to the bathroom revealed just how irritated my gut actually was. I also have been in a horrible mood all morning. I've been angry, aggressive, frustrated, unhappy, and cynical. My skin has been itchy, and my muscles are aching and pulsing. This post is partly the result of trying to get my agitation out - I needed a venue to complain.

I don't doubt that the MCS perfume reaction made the wheat reaction worse. MCS reactions have triggered digestive issues, such as heartburn, for me before. I do know, however, that many people report having similar reactions to any grain, especially wheat, after being grain-free for a year or more (like I have.) Wheat is known to be very harsh on the gut, causing IBS, leaky gut, small bacterial overgrowth, candida, and more gut problems. I had many of these issues before going grain-free, so it's no surprise to me that consuming wheat can make this problems return.

As for the problem of receiving the Eucharist, I have already spoken about this with priests and friends who have a solid theological understanding of the Eucharist. If you are reading this and want to discuss this dilemma with me, please contact me and I'll let you know what I learned. As much as I love to discuss theology (it is, after all, what my degree is in,) this blog isn't meant to be about theology.

This is a "GUTsy" post.

I'm going to write this post about an area of your body you normally don't want to talk about: your gut. No, I don't mean your belly fat, I mean your actual gut, your intestines and colon. This is an area that has become very important to me. I didn't know my gut was in need of a lot of healing, but now that it's functioning much better I'm very surprised that I ever put up with how poorly it was functioning before. I didn't know I was suffering from irritable bowel syndrome until I reduced its irritation.

The problem is, I'm not an expert on this. I am still healing and still learning. I'm not in a position to write about details, but I am in a position to share research studies with you and tell my story (so far.) I hope this post encourages you to take another look at your gut health, especially as the underlying cause of many of your other (seemingly) unrelated health struggles.

I'll start with my experience...

When I saw my naturopathic doctor for the first time, I was not expecting him to say anything about my gut. I thought I was going to him to get help with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, heart palpitations, and possibly mental heath issues. I quickly found out that I actually went to him to get help with the many root causes of those symptoms, including irritable bowel syndrome. I was surprised, because up until that point I really thought that IBS was caused by eating high fructose corn syrup, which I never eat because I'm allergic to corn, because of several studied I had read. The next day I returned to his clinic for my first treatments, including a colonic irrigation. I didn't know what it was, so believe me when I say I was a little shocked when I saw the machine with the tube for the first time. A nurse (both nurses at the clinic are the nicest, most gentle, most amazing nurses you can imagine,) inserted a tube into my butt that poured sanitized water up my colon and then let it flow back out through the tube. After 45 minutes, I lost several pounds of waste out of my colon through that tube, and it felt wonderful. I felt lighter, more clear-headed, more stable, and more free. Before the colonic, my brain wasn't working well - I didn't have the energy to think. In fact, I had a very difficult time forming sentences because I couldn't remember the words. It was amazing how much better my brain worked out of that colonic. I felt better able to converse with my doctor and the nurses, and I could actually think through decisions better. Within the following week, I also noticed that I wasn't as gassy or bloated. I didn't have sharp pains in my gut when sitting down or moving around (that I honestly thought were normal because I had them so long.) I had a much easier time in the bathroom (I didn't realize I was struggling before.) I also noticed that slowly, over the following weeks, that I was getting bloated and foggy-headed again. Every time I go back to the clinic, I look forward to those colonic. They're one of the fastest forms of relief I've ever experienced. (Note: There is a TON of media out there saying that colonic irrigations are dangerous and they don't work. In fact, you'd think Google was paid to not show you any positive results for a colonic irrigation. The problem is, they don't define "work." In my experience, they have been very relieving, very hydrating, and perfectly safe. I personally would never want to try a DIY system - I've only done a "closed" system in which the nurses controls the machine and the tube the whole time. There's great information about colincs here.)

I've been following my doctor's regimen (diet, supplements, exercise, and more) for a little more than a year now. I've noticed a huge difference in my gut. When I'm eating right and am not suffering any type of MCS reaction, my gut is flat, handles waste very well, doesn't cause me any type of pain, and is very gentle on the rest of my organs. When I'm doing something wrong or am suffering a MCS reaction, it lets me know. It bloats (sometimes by a couple inches,) makes me feel like I have the flu, sends waves of discomfort through my whole body, makes me feel gassy without actually releasing any, and makes it very difficult to go to the bathroom. I also get the most foggy-headed when my gut isn't feeling well. 

I've noticed another very important point, which will be the topic of my next "Menstrual Solutions" post: I'm fairly sure a good portion of my menstrual pain was coming from my gut, not my reproductive organs. The better my gut health, the lesser my menstrual pain. I've discovered that the pain of trouble in my colon is the exact same pain that almost crippled me on the first day of my periods for the past several years.

It's been a year, and I haven't quite mastered keeping my gut happy. I'm guessing it isn't done getting repaired anyway. I made my poor gut suffer for many years. I've recently figured out one of the problems. Almonds. As many of you know, I'm on a very limited, very strict diet. No grains, no sugar (not even fruit or honey,) no starches, no alcohol, no dairy, and no nightshades. Even my selection of vegetables is very limited because many are starchy, sugary, and difficult to digest. What this means is that when something causes me to react, it isn't hard to figure out what it was. My gut was improving a lot over the year, but I was still fighting heavy bloating trouble. We started by eliminating the whey protein powder in my protein shakes and switching to organic pea protein. That actually helped, so I thought I had found the culprit. I think because I cleared up the issues from the whey powder that I had an easier time detecting a problem from almonds. I was still bloating after drinking the shakes, but I was using almond milk. I noticed that my heart lightly palpitated after eating almond butter. Regretfully, because I love almond milk and almond butter, I cut almonds from my diet. This was just a few weeks ago. Now, the only time I bloat is when I drink too much water, but that's a different issue with my kidneys that I'll get into in another post. Yesterday I tried an experiment: I ate almonds at bed time (I need a bit of protein to help me sleep and not wake up with overly low blood sugar.) I've been gassy, constipated, bloated, and a big foggy all day. Very unpleasant.  Of all things, almonds! So now I have to use coconut milk, which I like, but is much more expensive. I also have switched to sunflower seed butter, which is working well for me and is cheaper, but not as tasty. Oh well.

My own personal conclusions...
I'm guessing that most people who have health issues probably have some degree of an irritated bowel. It has become clear to me that the health of my gut is in direct correlation with my mental health. I always struggle with brain fog or anxiety when my gut isn't well. Always. I can struggle with anxiety when my gut is well, so I won't say that gut health is the only cause of anxiety. It has also become clear to me that my joint pain is worse when my gut isn't happy. I've also noticed that I have more acne when my gut isn't happy. My periods are more painful when my gut isn't happy. I'm more fatigued when my gut isn't happy. I get occasional heart burn and indigestion when my gut isn't happy. When my gut is happy and functioning well, I usually am too.

My conclusion is that caring for our gut is one of the most important steps to caring for our overall health!

I recommend...
Eliminating grains. Here's the deal: Even if you're a person who can tolerate certain grains, it won't hurt you to eliminate them for a couple of weeks just to see what happens. Wheat, specifically, is known to cause inflammation of the gut as well as leaky gut syndrome. In fact, it's arguable that wheat (at least in it's modern form,) isn't meant for human consumption, but I'll get to that in the next section. In some people, like myself, all grains have have this effect in the gut.

Eliminating sugar. You don't need sugar. It's not a necessarily nutrient. In fact, it doesn't offer any benefit to the body, but it does do harm. What you need is glucose, which your body makes by breaking down other forms of nutrients. If you only eat protein, fats, and complex carbohydrates, you will get enough glucose. Trust me - I've increased my blood glucose by avoiding all sugar. Try eliminating sugar in every possible form along with grains. I mean ALL sugar: no fruit, no honey, no packaged food (which almost always has added sugar,) no juice, no glazed nuts, no beets, no jerky (unless you make it yourself to avoid sugar,) no salad dressing... you get the idea. Do not replace it with artificial sweeteners - they can do more damage than the sugar itself! Here's the deal: sugar causes inflammation. It also feeds bad bacteria, yeast, and infections. By eliminating sugar, you eliminate the right environment for bad bacteria, yeast, and infections to build and grow. Your gut can then naturally heal itself.

Eliminate alcohol. Just try it for a couple of weeks along with the sugar and the grains! Alcohol is usually based on sugar and grains, so it should be obvious that alcohol should be avoided. Furthermore, alcohol kills all bacteria, even the good bacteria. You will not notice an improvement in your gut health if you kill off the good bacteria that helps it heal.

I highly recommend also eliminating dairy. Dairy is high in sugar (lactose,) but it also causes inflammation and causes your body to produce mucus. Ask any vocalist: they never consume dairy before a performance because it it produces mucus in their throats. While some people do seem to digest dairy well, the more I talk to people, the more I find that people who have eliminated dairy do feel a lot better. I, personally, never reacted to dairy. I used to eat cheese, yogurt, and milk regularly without any obvious consequence. I did, however, lose quite a bit of weight after eliminating just dairy. I also noticed my joint pain wasn't as bad and I wasn't catching colds as easily as everyone else. And before you say, "But yogurt has probiotics" I'll respond. First, most major yogurt companies don't actually include any probiotics ("Live Active Cultures" doesn't necessarily mean probiotics.) Second, the companies that do include probiotics don't include very many. Third, most major yogurt companies culture the yogurt so quickly that there is no time for the probiotics to grow and cultivate. They need about a day to culture properly to offer you benefits, but many yogurt companies only let their yogurt cultivate for about 4 hours. There are better sources of better probiotics. I love this argument.

For the sake of the experiment, I also recommend avoiding broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, and brussel sprouts. They are brassica vegetables, which can make you fairly gassy. They'll throw off the experiment.

After a couple of weeks, see how your gut feels. I'm willing to bet you will lose weight - maybe even a lot of weight. I'm willing to bet you'll feel more clear-headed and mentally sharp. I'm willing to bet that you'll find going to the bathroom is a lot easier, and you might even go more often. I'm also willing to bet that you'll be less gassy and in less pain.

After those two weeks, you can try to reintroduce grains, sugar, and dairy one at a time. See how you react. You might quickly find that you bloat, get gassy, or get cramps. It's a sure way of knowing just how poorly your gut has been feeling. It's also a good way of finding out what you're intolerant to!

Don't just take my word for it. Check out all this research...

How the gut affects the brain:

A Healthy Gut Means a Healthy Brain by Dr. Amy Myers

The Gut-Brain Connection, Mental Illness, and Disease on Psychology Today


Connection between gut health and overall health:

You Are What you Digest and Absorb by Dr. Amy Myers
Inflammation Connection by Kelly Brogan MD
Gut Health Linked to Heart Disease and Stroke on Huffington Post


Healing our guts:

4 Steps to Heal Leaky Gut by Dr. Axe (Though I disagree with eating dairy.)
Is Your Digestive System Making You Fat by Dr. Mark Hyman