Stress has kept me from writing

I'm here for a quick update. I realized that the last post I made was about having Covid for the first time, then nothing since. The short answer is that I'm not any worse from Covid, but it took me over a month to get back to my level of normal. It's possible it did mess me up a little, but it's a little difficult to know at this time because stress is my main issue at this point. Since then I have been having stronger allergy symptoms and I got RSV. RSV lasted about month too... I've been sick a lot more often since moving here...

My stress level is so high every day due to issues I can't talk about publicly. It's caused me to fortify myself inside my head. When I do start to talk about it I hear myself getting fearful, negative, and pessimistic quickly. I don't have the energy after work, chores, living in fear and stress, and my husband to come here to write about all the things I want to write about. I think I can't blog until I'm out of this situation and feeling safe and secure again. 

I can explain a little, I'll explain the parts that are public knowledge:

Almost 2 years ago my husband accepted a job in SC, 1600 miles away from "home" (if North Dakota is home now), where our families live. He took the job thinking it was going to finally offer stability, security, and happiness. They offered him the job, knowing how far we had to move to accept it. The short story is that the university that hired him is in a severe financial crisis, and there have been many warnings that he may not have a job next year. They have already cut positions and the salary of all faculty at the university. There have been 4 university presidents in the past 2 years.

We're renting a house that's probably the best (possibility only) deal we will find in the area, and it has mold damage. You may know that part of my story is mold toxicity, and I'm really sensitive to mold. As long as I'm living in mold, it feels kind of pointless to spend money on medical care... and South Carolina is simply just a moldy state. I was worried about that before I moved here. What I didn't expect was that people would be so used to seeing mold in buildings that they don't care to do anything about it.

We've talked about me moving back to North Dakota alone and living with my parents. It's not exactly the easiest thing to do - moving 1600 miles alone when I'm dealing with chronic illness. In almost every plan we make to do it, I have to make some major sacrifices and the expense is a lot. So I've been stalling for as long as possible. The school year is almost over, and my husband doesn't know if he'll get a contract for next year. 

There is more to the story I may talk about some time in the future, but not right now. Needless to say, I've been in survival mode. The easiest way for me to cope is by living moment by moment, taking care of my needs as they come. I enjoy the moments I can. I connect with the safe people in my life. I focus on doing things I love as often as I can afford to. I'm not going blank or numb to all this. I'm just regulating my nervous system by keeping as calm as possible.

It's tough. I'm ok right now, and I do mean that sincerely. Right now I have shelter, food, a job, internet, running water, electricity, clothes, and people who love me. It might be very different in one month from now. 2 months from now I could be living a completely different life. I have no idea. Worst case, I have the ability to fly back to North Dakota and live with my parents. Better case, I have the ability to move my things back to North Dakota too. Even better case, I can keep my pets too. Even better than that case, I win the lottery and become a millionaire and can stop stressing about simply living.

Where You Live Matters: ND to SC Move Reflections on my Health

Before moving to South Carolina, I had a lot of stability I took for granted while living in North Dakota. I've lost quite a bit of my health here, and I want to write about what was working for me in ND that I don't have here. I'm hoping my insights can help others find ways to live their best lives in their current situations too. 




1. I had security

I'm listing this first because I think it's foundational. It's extremely difficult to work on health when you're feeling insecure about your home, finances, food, and paying the bills. I lost that security when moving to SC, because our finances and tighter and rent for a decent home is way too expensive. We found a house to rent, but we're questioning if we need to move to the bigger city so that I have access to jobs, healthcare, and food. It's hard for me to unpack and feel at home when it won't be long-term, which makes me feel unsettled. Also, this house is simply not in good condition compared to where I was living in ND, and it causes me some insecurities because I'm not used to worrying about the problems of a house this old. 

In North Dakota we lived in my parent's house while they couldn't live in it, so I never had to worry about losing the home if our finances were not good that month. The house was not perfect, but it was very comfortable and in good condition. Our finances were not great there (which is why my husband needed to find a job elsewhere), but I had no reason to worry about being unable to afford what we really needed. 

The stress of living paycheck to paycheck, reducing standards to make ends meet, being unable to purchase much food that works on my diet nearby, being unable to afford doctors and medical care, living with a higher crime rate than I've ever had to worry about before, and living in a place where traffic accidents and death are very high are all very destabilizing for me. I have a lot of reasons to feel stress here. And stress = illness. 





2. Everything I needed was within a 20 minute drive

Bismarck was a basic medium-sized city of around 80k. It didn't have many amenities of larger cities, and it was a 7 hour drive from any larger city (Fargo was 3 hours away, but Fargo doesn't have much.) It did, however, have enough within a short driving distance. This is very important because it's difficult for me to drive far, and I only drive when I'm feeling strong enough and capable enough. I found a job that worked with my health abilities only 7 minutes away from home. I had access to organic food at my job and through two other stores that were 5 minutes away from home (one was a Natural Grocers, which provided the largest selection.) I had access to a phenomenal acupuncturist only a 12 minute drive away. I had access to MDs as needed, only a 7 minute drive away. I had a walking trail behind my house, so no need to drive to it. I had access to 2 restaurants that made meals I could eat on my diet, both within a 7 minute drive. I had access to the best regenerative beef money could buy through my job and they delivered to a location 5 minutes away from my house. Seriously - everything I needed to live comfortably was close. (Now I did have to travel for specialized medical care - but that's normal for most people.) 

Here in Gaffney, SC... I don't have any of that. I can't find a job that works with my needs. There are 3 grocery store options, and 2 of them don't offer much I can eat. The 3rd is Aldi, which is good on my budget when they have things worth buying, but they don't sell everything I need. I can't rely on them. The farmer's market here is tiny, so while I can buy some things there, I can't rely on to meet my needs. There are no acupuncturists in this town, but if I drive 35 minutes north there's a phenomenal acupuncturist. The problem is he's out of my budget and I can't always safely drive 35 minutes at a time. I typically don't do well driving longer than 15 minutes at a time, unless it's a good day and I took the right pills first. There really aren't any restaurants here that make safe food for me - I can get away with eating at 2 places, but I have to cheat on my diet to eat the meals that are mostly safe. As for medical care? I haven't used the local hospital here, but it's a very small town. 

What this means is that I can't be independent here. My husband has to drive us to the bigger city once a week to go buy food, and the grocery options aren't great either. We found a Fresh Market (holy expensive prices, Batman!) and a Publix (better than anything in Gaffney) within a 35 minute drive of home. The farmer's market was great in the summer, but that doesn't help me in the winter. Fresh Market does sell a lot of things I can eat on my diet, but sheesh, it's going to bankrupt me to shop there. (Numi organic deli meat is $8/pack at Earth Fare, and it's $10.99/ pack at Fresh Market.... I mean, seriously... and all their food is marked up like that.) It's honestly better to drive 1 hour away from home to get to an Earth Fare and Whole Foods, both of which are cheaper (even considering the gas to drive there.) Yes, Whole Foods is cheaper - not joking. Actually Whole Foods isn't that expensive, it's just easy to spend your whole paycheck there because they have so much worth buying! Anyway... I'm alone and isolated here Gaffney, totally reliant on my husband to be able to help me get what we need. 




3. I had a job - a GOOD job 

This one is HUGE. I think I knew it while I was living there and working, but I don't think I realized the full extent of how helpful it was for me. I had a job working in a place that aligned with my needs, values, world view, and health. It paid me some money, even though I couldn't work many hours. Most importantly, it gave me a sense of purpose. I felt like, despite my poor health and inability to do much, it allowed me to feel like I was contributing to society and a better world. It gave meaning to my life. It gave me a community to be part of. It helped me socialize. It allowed me to spend my limited energy in a useful way. These things were super important. SUPER IMPORTANT. 

Being unable to find a job that works with my needs is a huge punch to the gut here. It has caused me a lot of insecurities, depression, despair, and feelings of worthlessness. Poor emotional health makes it very difficult to manage physical health. I lost a lot by moving here. 

I worked for Terry's Health Products in Bismarck. Check them out and support them! Such an amazing small local business, and they will ship! 

4. Family

My family moved back to North Dakota. My husband's family is all in North Dakota. Having family nearby is very important. Family gives community, connection, support, love, hope... family is everything. 

Suddenly being far from family is... lonely. It feels a little like death, in a way. Sure, we have phones, but it's not the same as living nearby and experiencing the same life. 

Mom is so good to me, and so awesome!

5. North Dakota was not as moldy as South Carolina

Mold is a way of life here. It's everywhere I go. The humidity is high, it rains a lot, buildings are old and in poor condition, people aren't educated enough to realize it's a health problem, and the soil itself is moldy. I'm allergic to mold. In fact, mold is one of my root causes of my all health issues (the other was H1N1/ Swine Flu.) I'm literally living a place that's poisonous to me. 

North Dakota weather could lead to mold damage in buildings and homes. Summer humidity could be high, though not as high as here. Excess snow could lead to moisture damage in buildings not prepared for it. The house I was living in did have external mold problems that had to be remediated. I had a mold scare there, but it wasn't as severe as anything here. Not everywhere was moldy in ND. Here pretty much everywhere I go is moldy. 

Kindling Health: Source of Mold - My Reaction (kindlingheatlh.blogspot.com)

6. North Dakota allergens were nothing compared to South Carolina allergens

Okay so I did have some allergy issues in North Dakota - it's an agricultural state that grows a lot of corn and wheat, and I'm allergic to both. That wasn't a problem in the city though. There were a few trees and grasses there that caused me some allergies, but overall I was able to get a handle on my allergies there. Actually it wasn't much of an issue in the last few years. My naturopathic doctor helped me a lot, and my lifestyle changes meant I reacted a lot less to allergens. 

But South Carolina? Wow. The thick yellow layer of pollen on everything was really intense for me. Add that to high humidity, high heat, and bugs EVERYWHERE. So. Many. Bugs. I'm honestly not looking forward to my first spring here... I hate dealing with the bloody noses, excess congestion, itchy eyes, cough and sore throat, hives and rashes... 

Wait, what?: Sept. 12, 2013 (waitwaitwhatwhat.blogspot.com)


7. I had to learn a new place, and the learning curve is exhausting 

When you have ME/CFS, it's really important not to create new stress. I learned Bismarck, and I was able to keep up with changes there. Learning this new town, new region, and new state has been really tiring for me. The little things add up and cause big problems in ME/CFS: poor sense of direction leads to confusion and inability to learn streets, not being able to remember where something was, trying to remember names of all these things places, and so on. Poor cognitive function and memory is a hallmark of ME/CFS - I do a lot better remembering old information than I do retaining new information. I need to invest time into understanding new information, and I need to read about it a lot over time until it becomes solid in my brain. So I just need time to learn this place... 

And then there's learning the culture - the big picture, and all the smaller communities. Gaffney itself is considered "Deep South," which is a culture, not a location. The big towns nearby are not "Deep South," and there's quite an obvious cultural difference. A lot of it makes sense, and a lot of it is new to me... and learning how people here think has been a mental exercise for me. 

Moving to a place where people hit your mailbox with a baseball bat while they drive by. They throw their beer and soda cans into your yard as they drive by. There are no laws against smoking anywhere outside. There's no regulations on the types of vehicles that can drive on roads. It's.... an adjustment. I will never take for granted when people respect each other... 

3 Days of Rashes

Rashes! For 3 days! I'm puffy, swollen, have hives, have rashes, and I'm positively miserable. I'm very fatigued and feel almost no emotional capacity.

No, I don't know what is causing this, but there are possibilities. I'm going emotionally numb after all the heartache I've been through. (Someone tried to commit suicide again last night, and I'm just... I have nothing left to process it with.) I also started my period 4 days early, in contrast to being over a week late the last few months. It was much more painful than it has been and came with other bathroom issues. My diet hasn't been bad, but I've been eating less protein than I should in favor of more easy nuts and seeds to snack on. It's possible I can't tolerate that much. The weather is also making drastic sudden changes a lot, and I tend to flare during sudden changes like this. I'm also still on my doctor's mold protocol and maybe it just took a month to push out this much through my skin. I took a sauna when I was little too weak to handle it. My sleep has been... really bad. And then last night I was able to sleep solid like a rock because my period started. There's a lot of possibilities.

Anyway, I'm miserable. I feel like my hormones all dumped out of my body and I don't have any left to be human with. I'm in pain and itchy. I feel way too weak when standing up, occasionally out of breath and sweating just from standing. POTS is in full swing right now, and I'm vibrating even just sitting or laying down. I'm so over this.

Forgive me for not writing more informative posts like I used to. I'm just dealing with this. It's all I can do.

Day by day by day by day...

Oh to be me.

What is a like to be a 31 year old woman with chronic illness? Here are some snippets from my life lately:

Today I went to my local food co-op because the fridge was getting to be too empty. I felt tired, worn down, but thought I could handle a 40 minute round trip out of the house. I get the store, start shopping, the next thing I know I can't stand up in one spot without starting to see the blackness forming on the peripherals of my vision. My legs started to shake and tingle. I decided there was no sense in sitting down on the floor of the store, so I decided to just keep walking. That worked. I learned I could make it as long as I kept moving, so I couldn't stop to look at products, just had to grab as I walked by. I made about 3 laps around the store to shop this way. And guess what? They were completely out of the few things I needed most! A normal person might shrug it off and go to a different store before heading home. Me? My energy was spent. Had to go home without what I needed.

...That's a big reason why I shop online as much as I do. Except that I never received one of 3 boxes from my Vitacost order. I need to sort that out, but do I really have to put the energy into it? Seriously? Why can't it just sort itself out like magic and let me just sit here zoning out?

The cashier asked me how I was doing. I bluntly, with no tact or thought, said, "Not good, I didn't sleep last night." She asked if I was stressed and I said, "No, I just have a chronic illness and it decided to flare last night." She didn't have much else to say to me after that. lol. Poor cashier.

Why didn't I sleep last night? Oh, because PMS decided to start, and I was in full bitch mode. At 2 am. I wasn't upset about anything, nothing to be angry at. No person was irritating me. My mood just decided to be as aggressive and irritable as possible, which kept me up, tossing and turning. Then when I was sleeping here and there my dreams were very aggressive. I dreamed about my friend who attempted to commit suicide several months ago, which woke me up because I felt stressed out about it. I never really recovered from her telling me she failed her attempt.

I woke up to throbbing shoulder muscles, shooting and pins and needles pains in my legs, and adrenaline pounding through me.

And I realized how this is pretty much how every day goes for me, but it's so much worse during the winter. I'm never really sure if I'll sleep. I'm never really sure if I'll feel decently. I'm never really sure if I'll have the energy to be able to hold a conversation. I'm never really sure if my depression will let me actually care about what someone is telling me. I just have to figure out what I need to do with myself, moment by moment.

So what's the problem? Well I found a ton of mold growing on my new windows, for starters. Winter condensation that freezes when it's below zero outside causes it.  The outside temperature went from -6 degrees to 47 degrees within a day, and we all know how the barometric pressure messes me up. We did just shampoo the downstairs carpets with Biokleen shampoo, which I didn't react to while doing it, but later got a mild version the hives around my eyes that citrus essential oils tends to give me. Plus we disturbed all that dirt in the house. I also went to church. Perfume! And then my monthly cycle just hit the worst phase... and I've been spotting, so who knows, maybe I'm anemic or something. I seem to be very prone to Blood Deficiency.

You see, I just can't win, especially not in the winter. When I feel decently it's purely by chance.



So...

If I spent my entire day playing video games on my phone, so what? At least I'm engaging with people there. At least I feel like I'm accomplishing something, even if progress in that game doesn't affect my real life in any way. At least I'm mentally stimulated rather than just rotting away watching TV. I can't just watch TV, I need to be engaged with something, and video games work perfectly when I'm too tired to do anything else. I'm often pretty bad at the game because I don't have the mental energy to think through what I'm doing, but it is what it is.

I will work at my job, do chores, and contribute to society when I'm capable. I have days when I'm just not capable. A lot of days. I'm not lazy. It's not an addiction to video games. I just can't function normally. Believe me, I'd much rather be raising children, own my own business, going out with friends, working towards buying our own house. I have to deal with these desires every day. If I were lazy, I wouldn't want to be living my life fully. I'd be happy to just settle in to a fun addiction rather than working on progressing in life.

So let me leave you with this article about environmental toxicants causing depression, pain, and chronic fatigue.

Mental Health Part 2

I won't apologize for my last post in which I worried some of you. Thank you to those of you who reached out and expressed concern. I believe the post was important to write because I needed to express how much I was suffering. The way my illnesses affect my mental health is important to solving my illnesses, and hopefully helps others make sense of their illnesses.

Last month I flew out to see my doctor again. It was a long overdue much needed appointment. I believe the therapies I had done in the clinic stirred up some toxins in my body, which probably contributed to that bought of severe depression I just went through. It certainly made a difference in my body - I can feel less of a toxic body burden weighing me down. But I did stir up toxicity nonetheless.

I'm doing better again. Anxiety attacks have calmed down, and the brain fog has lifted enough that I no longer am stuck in depression. I don't know if it's due to my body calming down after the therapies, or perhaps it's because the sun finally came out. Suddenly, literally over night, the temps went from 60's to 90's. It's been in the 90's all week. The sun feels AMAZING. What's interesting about that is that my lab test results came back, and it said my vitamin D level is at 88. 88!!! It's taken 3 years to raise my level to where it's almost supposed to be (I should be in the 90's according to my doctor.) 3 years of 15,000iu a day!! The reason the sun helps me so much must not be the vitamin D it gives me. It must be something else. I believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and winter is like a slow mild poison to my mental health. Mix that with stirring up toxins in my body and it's a disaster.

But there's also the other elephant in the room: stress! Stress is constant. Stress prevents recovery and rest. Stress makes me spend energy I don't have, wearing me out further. Stress puts my body into depression. The worse my adrenals, the worse my mental health. I lose the ability to spend energy on thinking. Memory recall, planning, dreaming/brainstorming, problem solving, learning... yep, it all shuts down. The more stressed I am, the less brain power I have. Stress is pure poison to me, and I get so frustrated and angry when people don't respect this fact. When people give me more problems, tasks to accomplish, or worries to worry about it actually makes my brain work less well and diminishes my ability to do what they tell me to do. The anger at others not understanding this problem stresses me further. I shut down. I ignore problems and tasks. It's fight or flight, but flight is the only option because there's no energy to fight. I simply cannot tolerate stress. Yes, I really do need to live in a bubble, and people don't understand this need either. Give me enough time to rest in my bubble and my body will recharge and I'll have energy to spend on working through stress again. But I'm burn out mode. I have NOTHING to give. So naturally, my husband wanting me to look for lodging that will work for me so we can go on a 10 year anniversary trip... sigh, stress.

I appreciate those of you who reached out to me and told me I can talk about my depression with you. It's very kind of you, and I need to know I have that kind of love and support in my life. This might sound backwards to you, but this is the truth: There's nothing to talk about. It's not a depression due to problems. It's a depression due to lack of energy and brain power. So talking would make it worse. It would use up energy I need to rest with. I know that some types of depression are solved with friend therapy and support from others, but mine is the type that requires me to be alone. I'm not entering further into the darkness through isolation. I'm letting myself recharge. Once a phone's battery is down to 10%, trying to use it only drains the battery faster, and the only solution is to stop using it and plug it in. I'm that phone at 10%. Well, I was. I'm probably at 25 % now. I'm no longer in "battery saving mode," but I'm on the verge of it. Let me charge more. :)

I know there's a lot to update you all on in this blog. I need to finish my mattress part 3 post, write about the new organic hemp sleeping bag I bought, talk about my new lab results, and go into a blood pressure and heart rate issue I have. I want to talk about some other product reviews too. I'll probably write about it all eventually, if I'm up to it. I can't take the pressure, so if it happens it happens. I only write in this blog when I need the therapy that comes from writing, so bear with me. :)

Latex Mattress Review Part 2: The Bed and Bedding Review (Updated!)

If you read part one of my review on my new latex mattress, you will have learned the need for choosing a natural non-toxic mattress. I encourage you to at least skim that post before reading this view, because this review is based on my need for a natural bed.In this review I'll cover 4 bedding items I bought from Sleep On Mattress: The Pillow, Foundation, Mattress, and Mattress Pad. In the upcoming Part 3 I'll discuss other pillows, sheets, and blankets. Bedding should not be as complicated as it, but because it is, this review deserves 3 parts to cover it all!

The Pillow: Malouf Convoluted Contour Latex Pillow
(Click the link to see the pillow on the company's website)
Yep, the name is a mouthful, as my husband was quick to point out, but bear with me! After too many dollars and too much neck pain from buying several different pillows online, I decided to try something novel: going into an actual store and trying out pillows before I bought them! The problem is that I can't step foot into most stores without getting sick. Thankfully for me, Sleep On Mattress is a store in Bismarck, ND, where I live, that caters to people like me. They offer natural synthetic-free bedding, and they're located in a mall that isn't heavily scented (like most malls are - I normally would never dare step foot into a mall.) I learned about them because they advertised their organic latex beds through the health products store I work at, Terry's Health Products. Amazingly, the very first contoured latex pillow I tried in the store ended up being a winner! It's a Malouf pillow, but done right (I tried others of this brand first, which I'll get into in Part 3.) It is made from natural talalay latex in a polyester case, so I removed the polyester case and replaced it with an organic cotton zippered case:

I love this pillow. So. Much. One side has a higher loft than the other and it's contoured, so it supports my neck if I'm on my back or side and it doesn't put too much pressure on my ears. It's soft and supportive without being hard and firm, meaning that it keeps my head at the right height and angle all night, whereas other latex pillows I tried let my head sink down to the mattress or didn't let my head sink in at all.

The latex on the pillow falls apart very easily, and that is my only complaint. It needs to be treated gently. Sorry folks, this will not work in a pillow fight. In simply switching out the cases I lost lots of small chunks of latex. You can see in the photo that some of the points are missing. I haven't had any problems with losing latex since then, and it hasn't affected how comfortable and supportive the pillow has been for me.


The FoundationI do not have a brand name on this foundation, my apologies. This was the hardest part of purchasing the new bed. Let me back up a bit. My husband was willing to try a new mattress if it meant improving my health, but he did not want to lose the frame we already owned. It's an upholstered queen size frame with a built-in head board that looks very nice. I also like it, so I agreed we could keep it (even though it's all synthetic and probably has plenty of flame retardants, it's old enough where it has off-gassed, the mattress doesn't actually touch the frame at any point, and we hardly ever lean up against it.) That meant we needed to buy a traditional foundation to support the mattress, because the frame is meant to hold a foundation.

(Latex and Memory Foam mattresses cannot use a box spring. They need to be supported by a foundation with no more than 3-4" between each slat. The mattress will wear out too quickly on the wrong type of foundation or on a box spring, because they'll allow the mattress to sink in when it should never sink in at any point.)

I looked into a couple of different options: a Savvy Rest Insert without any synthetic material concerns (sold by Sleep On Mattress), a much cheaper basic wooden foundation with a removable synthetic cover that had flame retardants (I don't have a brand name on this) (also sold by Sleep On Mattress), and a solid wooden Amish foundation that was on sale on Amazon.com. If money were not a barrier, I would have chosen the Savvy Rest Insert without question. It really was the right choice for us, but our finances said otherwise. The basic affordable wooden foundation with the removable cover made me a bit nervous - did the wood absorb some of the flame retardants? For someone without MCS it would have been a great option. The Amish foundation on Amazon looked like it would fit my needs very well, but there were just enough reviews cautioning me against buying it. Then we were presented with a new option: Sleep On Mattress had one metal and wood collapsible foundation for sale. The price was right at $130, it appeared to be right for our needs, and it was easy to transport because of the collapsible frame. My husband chose to go with it. Sleep On Mattress does not normally carry it, but I bet they can order it for you if you're interested.

The foundation has been working just fine, but if I were to make the decision over again, I probably would have tried to convince my husband to get the Savvy Rest Insert instead.


Setting this foundation up was not at all as easy as it was supposed to be. This photo shows the foundation after we opened it up from the collapsed form. We then attempted to put the two horizontal support bars on. The idea is that the end of the bars go into holes - they should slide right in. The reality is that the fit was very tight and they required a cloth and a hammer to force in.



Then we inserted the wooden boards across the top. The ends of the boards have plastic caps with two little pegs in them. The pegs go into holes in the metal frame to support the boards. 3 of these pegs were broken off. The construction was fairy poor on these pegs, and I wouldn't be surprised if most of them break off in tearing down the foundation - if we ever do that.





We then put an old sheet over the top of it as the cover. It came with a synthetic flame retardant infested cover, but the cover came separately so we simply didn't put it on.

Even though the wooden slats are flexible and look thin, the foundation has worked well. It is supporting our 150 lb latex mattress.

...But it's also a bit squeaky. This was my greatest concern when buying a metal foundation, and it proved to be a bit of an issue. The squeaking is only on my side of the bed, and I only hear it when I get in and out of bed. Thankfully it never squeaks once I'm already on the mattress. A wooden foundation can squeak too, but squeaky metal tends to be higher pitched and it echos through the rest of the foundation.


The Mattress: Sleep On Mattress's own Latex Mattress

The mattress we chose to go with is Sleep On Mattress's own brand of a 9" Dunlop Latex mattress with an organic cotton and wool casing. The wool is the fireproofing that brings it up to industry standard, so they didn't have to add synthetic flame retardants. They have it manufactured for their own store. They explained to me that they were searching for a natural latex mattress comparable to Savvy Rest (an organic latex mattress company that's top tier), but with a lower price tag. Making their own ended up being the most economical, and the mattress is therefore more affordable than the Savvy Rest. It is normally $2,000 for the queen size, but in exchange for this review I was given a reduced price. If you are interested in this mattress, but are not from Bismarck, don't despair! They will ship!

I was told that they are in the process of making different models of their own store brand of latex mattress, some with gel and foam added in, and with different heights. So if the mattress we bought from them doesn't sound right for you, ask about their other models. The owners are interested in working with you to find what you need instead of pushing their agenda on you. They'll help you find what you need, and they do understand the issues between natural and synthetic mattresses!

When we purchased the mattress I expected this review was going to be very easy to write. I expected within a week I'd be able to write all about it with ease, but that hasn't been the case. 3 weeks later and we're still trying to make a decision on the mattress! This isn't a bad thing, and I'll explain:

First and foremost, is the mattress solving my MCS problem? Was it worth purchasing a natural mattress to better my health? YES! On the old memory foam mattress I regularly fought a rising heart rate every night I went to bed, and if I couldn't fall asleep before my heart rate skyrocketed, I'd be doomed to toss and turn and take even more herbal sleeping pills to try to knock myself out. I regularly had stress dreams and nightmares. I would often feel high anxiety as I was trying to fall asleep and again when I woke up. I experienced more fibromyaliga pain in that bed than anywhere else. I also had more skin rashes when I slept in that bed.

I haven't had a single nightmare or stress dream since sleeping on this new latex mattress. I have not experienced the skyrocketing heart rate on most nights (but I had the problem on a few nights after a food reaction or being in a public place where I was reacting.) I'm waking up feeling peaceful, not on high alert. The fibromyaliga pain has been greatly reduced, and I'm feeling it more after eating the wrong foods and not so much in bed. My skin rashes are reduced, but not gone (but there are other causes, such as the mycotoxins in my body.) Yes, I feel SO MUCH BETTER on this mattress, and my sleep is higher quality.

Secondly, is it comfortable? Yes... The floor model of this mattress was softer than the one we received. The floor model was about right for us, in that it was firm enough to give support, but comfortably soft around pressure points. My hips and shoulder sank in the right amount. The mattress we received was definitely more firm. It didn't let our pressure points sink in much, and my husband and I both woke up stiff and sore for the first week. The longer we sleep on it, however, the softer it gets. We've had it for 3 weeks and both of us are less stiff and sore, and I'm feeling my hips and shoulders sink in further. At first we were seriously discussing buying a topper to soften it up. Sleep On Mattress offers a soft dunlop latex topper in 2" or 3" that is of the same quality as the mattress itself. We chose not to purchase the topper because the mattress continued to soften up. It's still not as soft as the store model. I went back into the store and tried it out and I could immediately feel the difference. It is, however, finally feeling comfortable for me. If my husband decides it needs a topper then we'll go with a 2", not 3", because we both like a slightly firm mattress. 3" would probably soften it up too much. All we would want from the topper is softer pressure points.  (Update: we bought the 3" topper, and it's so so so so much better than expected: please see my review of it below.) If you're the type of person who needs a firm, but comfortable and cozy, this mattress will probably be perfect for you. It's not nearly as firm at the floor, thankfully, but if you feel best sleeping on the floor then you're probably not shopping for a mattress anyway.

One adjustment I had to make to reduce my shoulder pain on the new mattress was lift my pillow up a bit. I'm a side sleeper, so a little more loft was all it took. I did this by adding a homemade organic cotton pillow under my latex pillow. I made it a while back to try to add loft to other pillows I was trying to make work for me, but that failed because the pillows I was trying to make work were simply wrong for me. I made the pillow very flat, so it only adds about half an inch, but that was enough in this case. I'm noticing that as the mattress softens up with use the pillow is starting to feel a little unnecessarily high, so it might continue to soften up enough that I no longer need to use the second pillow.

Third, how easy was it to set up? Well, let me be clear: this is a 150 lb mattress that comes compressed and rolled up into a tube. It's not easy to transport due to the weight and awkward length. Once it's unrolled, it's like trying to move a queen sized piece of Jello that weighs 150 lbs. Once the mattress is set up, leave it set up. Don't plan to move it. My husband and I were able to carry it out of my truck, up the stairs, down the hallway, and into the bedroom. By "carry" I mean slide on the carpet as much as possible. We were able to unroll it, get a full encasement allergy cover on it, and then get it in place on the bed. Nether of us are that strong. Neither of us want to do it again. But it was well worth it, and we quickly forgot about the hassle after a few nights of sleeping on it. And if setting it up yourself really bothers you, have the guys at the store do it for you. ;)

It came in an awkward box:



It was plastic wrapped to keep it rolled up and compressed:




Removing the plastic made it quickly decompress and unroll, before we could control the process. First thing we did was slide this allergy protector on it, which was the biggest pain of all. I'll explain which allergy cover I got in Part 3. We had to lift the mattress and pull up the cover an inch at a time, which was very tedious and difficult. I forgot to get a photo of the mattress before the cover was put on, so I pulled back the cover for this photo so that you can see the organic cotton and wool casing. Notice how the mattress falls like jello off the end of the foundation to the floor:

Set up and made our bed (forgive all the clutter, we had to push our stuff out of the way to set up this bed). As you can see, it's thinner than most mattresses. Our former mattress was 12" thick, and this is 9" thick. Big difference! We're closer to the floor, we don't have to jump up onto the bed to sit on it, and best of all, we're not stretching out our sheets! We have deep mattress sheets, but even they would come untucked on our old mattress. Our blankets hang further off the sides of this bed, which means we no longer have cold air attacking our legs in the middle of the night!

Final verdict (which I will update in another few weeks to see if it softens up more):

The mattress was worth it! While I would prefer it to be a bit softer, it is comfortable now that it's had time to soften up. I love that we have the option to add a latex topper of the same quality if we choose to soften it up more. The latex feels better than the memory foam in that I can adjust my sleeping position on it easily, whereas the memory foam mattress wrapped around my shape a bit too much to make it easy to move. I love that I'm getting better, deeper, more restful sleep on it! I'm not reacting to the mattress at all, so my body can actually relax at night!

If you're intrigued by all the benefits of this mattress, but the firmness worries you a bit, Sleep On Mattress does sell other latex mattress options. They carry a Talalay line that has some synthetics, but is mostly natural. They also carry the top-of-the-line Savvy Rest mattresses, which are certified organic latex mattresses. They had a couple options in the store to try in this line, and they have different feels. Again, this store is awesome because they will work with you. And they do ship! You don't have to live in Bismarck to buy from them!

UPDATE 12/22/16 - Latex Topper:The mattress continued to soften up and my body began to adjust to it. I actually found it to be comfortable and would have been happy with it as it was. My husband, however, still found it to be too firm, so we ordered the 3" soft topper. He decided against the 2" because he wanted to make sure we bought the best topper and not take a chance on a thinner model that might not have been enough for him.

I'm being sincere when I say that the mattresses was comfortable before the topper. But I'm also being sincere when I say that the topper is an AMAZING addition! I was worried it was going to soften it up too much, but this latex is amazing in that it softened it up a lot for my husband (who is obviously heavier than I am) and didn't soften it up much for me. The topper is very supportive, but lets pressure points sink in easily. I was worried about losing support by going softer, but I didn't lose any support while gaining pressure point relief! I stated in the original post that I needed to prop up my pillow so that my shoulder wasn't squished on the original mattress. I do not need to prop it up now. This topper lets my shoulder sink in the perfect amount and my head rests perfectly on the pillow. My husband went to the chiropractor, finally, and got rid of his back pain (for now - he needs go to regularly.) So he can say for sure that this mattresses and topper is not giving him back pain. He's sleeping very well, waking up feeling good (not stiff and achy like on the mattress before the topper), and is actually starting to compliment the bed!

This topper is normally about $400. Don't fear the price tag: it's worth it. Remember that latex can last 15-20 years if you take care of it. Most mattresses only last about 5-8 before you really should look into replacing them. So investing an additional $400 into a bed that is safe, healthy, won't make you sick, very supportive and comfortable, and very long-lasting is an excellent deal.

The ONLY thing I'm a bit sad about it is that we now have a 12" mattress + topper. Many of you might think this is better - it all comes down to preference. My husband likes the height better. For me it just makes it a tiny bit more challenging to put my sheets on. They are now a snug fit. I'm only 5'5", so I have to jump up a bit to crawl into bed.

I, of course, have photos to share:

It came in a much less awkward box. They were able to fold the topper in half before compressing it and rolling it up, so the box was actually very manageable. I could carry it up the stairs into the bedroom myself.


I was able to unroll it on the bed because because it wasn't awkward, unlike the mattress. The mattress was difficult to set up, but this was very easy.


It unrolled folded in half. What you can see in this photo (which I forget to get a good photo of for the mattress itself) is the organic cotton cover. This is the exact same cover (and type of latex) as the mattress has.



It does add some height, as you can see. You can also see how much padding it gives in order to soften up the mattress. Thinner versions are available (they're also cheaper), but I think it's good to see what the full size looks like when making a decision.

  (Sorry, excuse all my pill bottles in the background. I meant to clean up the bedroom before taking photos, but I only had enough energy to set up the topper.)



The Savvy Rest Cotton Mattress Pad:

I didn't purchase this with the mattress. I understood the benefits of it, but I thought the allergen cover might be enough for my needs. What changed my mind was reading up on how to care for a latex mattress, and I kept seeing that body sweat and heat can slowly deteriorate latex over time. I want this mattress to last me as long as possible (I've read 15-20 years when cared for correctly,) and I decided that I really don't want to have to wash the allergen any more often than necessary because it is such a pain to get on. The mattress pad is very easy to take off and wash, and it will collect any body fluids that get through the sheets. What really put me over the edge and made me buy the pad is when someone told me that they had a latex mattresses that molded. This really confused me, because latex is naturally mold resistant, and that was one of my biggest reasons for choosing latex over another natural mattress. She was not using a mattress pad. I wouldn't be surprised if the latex wasn't molding, but body fluid that got into the mattress was molding. She had mold toxicity in the past, and mycotoxins do sweat out of out of people with mold in their bodies. Either way, this made me decide to buy the topper. I do have a mycotoxin issue in my body, and I don't want mold to grow in my new safe mattress.

The topper is very nice: it's 100% undyed organic cotton with a stitching pattern to keep it from bunching. It is made slightly over sized so that it has room to shrink after washing. I washed mine in cold water with plant-based non-toxic detergent, and then I dried it by draping it over two dining room chairs and placing my air purifier under it. The air purifier creates quite the breeze on the high setting. Even after washing it properly, it did shrink to exactly the same size as the mattress. So that wasn't a problem, and it was very easy to care for.

I thought it might add a soft layer to the mattress, but it did not. At first it actually made the mattress more firm, but that was because I tied it too tight. After loosening the grip of the ties the mattress felt the same as it did without the pad.





Thank you for reading my review! Comment with any questions, and I'll be happy to answer them. You can look forward to Part 3, which will be on the bedding (blankets, sheets, etc) in a week or so. Let me get past Thanksgiving first. :) (Update - that might come after Christmas. This month is too stressful for me!)

Thank you so very much to Robert and Mike at Sleep On Mattress for this amazingly healthy mattress and for your wonderful high quality service! I've really enjoyed working with you both, and I cannot recommend your store enough!

Autumn Update

I have so much I could share on this blog, but I've been completely exhausted! Autumn has settled in and it's messing with my sleep, making my bones ache, causing me inflammation all over, and giving me anxiety. I've had to work harder than I'm used to over the past couple of weeks between my actual job, traveling to Minnesota, and work that has to be done at home. Yesterday my body rebelled and told me to stop. I was so exhausted that even eating took too much energy, and I got a fever while eating each meal, followed by some unpleasant time in the bathroom. My body didn't want to spend any energy on digestion. Eating was so draining that I was feeling very faint and had to lay down for a few hours twice.

I'm finding that every autumn I get MUCH worse very suddenly, like hitting a brick wall. While my friends are celebrating the pumpkin spice, all of the colors on the trees, their new fall boots to pair with their leggings, all the festivals, and the cozy hot autumn drinks, I find myself a lot more anxious than normal and in chronic pain again. I'm finding that I'm more argumentative and direct with people, when I actually had a relatively good summer with lots of joking and laughing. My whole mood and personality changes. It's the only seasonal change I'm hyper sensitive to. Winter is actually easier on me, despite the intense negative temperatures that are normal here in North Dakota, but I do feel much more depressed and low than I do during Spring and Summer. I'm clearly living in the wrong state.

I do want to share a few quick things, and they're not necessarily related:

1. This one is for people with mold toxicity, the rest of you can skip reading this one. I'm learning that I need to clean my toilet bowl much more often. After months of trying to decide if this is what's going on, I've determined it has to be the cause: my urine is full of mycotoxins, and I believe the mycotoxins are why mold grows in my toilet bowl so quickly and easily. The toilet hasn't flushed well in the past couple of years, often times I have to flush twice. I think it doesn't flush everything down, which leaves mycotoxins floating in the bowl all night. If any of you have also experienced this, please leave me a comment!

2. I decided to try the Julian Bakery Paleo Bars. The ingredients appear to be safe for me, and a bar that I can actually eat is amazing for travel. It's very appealing. The problem is that even though the sugar content is very low and they use stevia, these spike my blood sugar like nothing else. My blood sugar went from 98 to 160 after eating one of these! I felt awful! This bar doesn't always give me that bad of a spike, but the fact that it can do this is scary. Also, even though it uses chocolate extract I still get a sulfur reaction from these. I can't tolerate sulfur foods, and chocolate is high in sulfur. The taste is actually kind of addictive, which is the problem for me and why I've had more than one. I tried one of the egg white protein bars and it was disgusting - horrible! It had the texture of Laffy Taffy, where I kept chewing and chewing and chewing and it wouldn't break down, and that whole time I was chewing a nasty sour flavor. Not good. I do not recommend.

3. I wish I could love Epic Bars. They're doing a fantastic job at bringing correctly-raised and nutritionally good quality meat to the market. They're using a variety of animals, everything from beef, chicken, and pork to salmon, venison, and wild boar. The problem is that everyone single one of their bars has either fruit, pork products, or too much black pepper. I can't eat sugar in any form, not even fruit. I can't eat pork. I can't tolerate much black pepper. I was at Whole Foods a few weeks ago and found their new Venison bars. The only problem was that it was black pepper flavored, but I decided to give it a try anyway. A little bit of black pepper every once in a while isn't bad for me. Well, the bars are about half meat and half black pepper. I can see people really enjoying the bar, but wow, that was major black pepper overkill for me! I did eat the whole case of them that I bought, but slowly and only when I felt strong enough to handle it. They're tasty! But what it means is that there is still no single Epic Bar that I can eat, despite them being a grass-fed and pasture raised meat brand. Frustrating!

4. Eating a Whole Foods salad for breakfast for a few days in a row really doesn't work well for me. So many raw vegetables, and the meat isn't anything special. It's also turkey, which can make me tired. My poor body doesn't like raw vegetables. :(





I hope to post more soon!

Book Reveiw: Tox-Sick by Suzanne Somers

Several months ago my parents showed up at my place of work and handed me a book: Tox-Sick by Suzanne Somers. Yes, the author is the creator of the Thigh Master and was on Three's Company. She has become one of my favorite celebrities because of her work on educating the public about mold toxicity, multiple chemical sensitives and environmental illness, poor thyroid health, and the importance of eating organic.

It took me months to read this book. Between the brain fog, fatigue, inflammation, and generally feeling unwell, I've been finding it very difficult to read at all over the past couple of years. I read this book faster than any others since I've become sick. It was very engaging for a book on health, and my brain was hungry to learn more about how to heal. I read a couple of chapters about 3 times before I understood what they said, but it was worth struggling through processing the words. Understanding this, I hope you forgive me if I forget something or misrepresent something in this review.

I highly recommend that everyone reads this book, even if you're not sick. It will open your eyes to how you can protect not only your health, but the health of those around you. If you care about and respect humans, you'll want to read this book. It's certainly not the only book with this type of information, but it might be the easiest to read and understand. The entire message of the book boils down to the dangers of environmental toxicity common in our every day lives, how toxins are the root cause of most chronic illnesses (even affecting genes that cause illness), and how to protect yourself in this toxic world we've created. It sounds like a conspiracy theory until you read about the actual science behind it - there's actually quite a bit of research, much of which even the CDC and WHO acknowledge.

As I first started reading I was a bit worried it wouldn't be anything new, other than her personal stories of mold and toxin exposure causing her cancer and bloating. She spends many many pages slowly prepping the reader for what's to come later in the book, gently asking you health questions and lifestyle questions to motivate you to want to change your habits in order to become healthier. Because so much of this long introduction wasn't new to me since I've already been living in an environmental health nightmare, I ended up skimming over the rest of it.

What was helpful to me in this introduction was her granddaughter's story. Her 14-year-old granddaughter went to a clinic in Florida that I had been curious about. I quickly found out that only celebrities can afford the clinic, but the way they treat patients is something I hope other clinics can learn from. Her granddaughter's story was heartbreaking, but she was able to recover because of this clinic.

The majority of the book is long interviews with doctors. She interviews Nick Gonzalez, M.D. (may he RIP); Sherry Rogers, M.D.; Stephen Sinatra, M.D.; Gary Gorden, M.D.; Ritchie Shoemaker, M.D.; and Walter Crinnion, N.D. While the topic of each interview might not be new to people with environmental illness, many of the details were. I learned quite a bit from each of these doctors, even though I've read up on some of them before reading this book. Each of these doctors explains some root causes they've found in patients as well as offering advice for recovery. I'll include a photo of a page from most of the interviews, so you can get a taste of what the doctors have to offer in these interviews.

Dr. Nick Gonzalez's interview made me want to see him as a patient, but sadly, he's one of the over 50 holistic doctors that have been murdered in the past year (you can read more about this on the link in the last paragraph.) As a cancer doctor, he talked quite a bit about organ health. He digs into gut health, especially the role of bacteria in fighting and preventing cancer. He explains how environmental toxins, especially mercury, messes with our gut bacteria and stem cells that we need to sustain our life, which promotes the growth of cancer cells. He digs into the concept of "leaky brain," which is an issue of a compromised blood-brain barrier. His suggestions for healing are mostly focused on liver cleanses, and so he's a big fan of bentonite clay and coffee enemas. I was a bit skeptical of these suggestions at first, mainly due to assumptions about lead in the clay and coffee enemas being harsh on the colon, but it inspired me to do further reading on the subject. I'm much less skeptical the more I read up on these treatments, but I think that's for another post.



After his interview she digs into the rising issue of gluten sensitivities, borrowing research from some of the leaders such as Dr. Perlmutter (author of Grain Brain.)

This leads into an interview with Dr. Sherry Rogers on Environmental Illness. Her back story is very interesting. She went into Environmental Heath after formaldehyde poisoning from working on cadavers in medical school. She later was told that as a 35-year-old her bones looked like those of a 78-year-old's. She found out that the only way to manage her chronic pain was to eliminate all nightshades from her diet, even the spices like paprika. She had been through a lot, and it lead her to writing the book Detoxify or Die, which I'm interested in reading. She digs into Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, thyroid lab tests showing normal results when the thyroid is sick, nutrition problems such as with magnesium, and more.


Next, she moves into a chapter on the heart. This is the chapter that many people are going to feel most resistant to because it gives advice that's opposite of what our government's nutritional advice says. She digs into the necessity of eating saturated fats and the role of cholesterol. But don't just take her word for it or the word of the research she borrows from, read her interview with Cardiologist and Psychotherapist Dr. Stephen Sinatra. He explains how the low-fat craze all started when President Eisenhower had a heart attack. Ansel Keys conducted his Seven Countries Study and found that people who consumed the lowest amount of fat and the least heart disease, and that Eisnenhower ate a high fat diet. Dr. Sinatra then explains that Ansel Keys cherry picked his data to draw this conclusion, not being fully honest in the study, in order to prove his hypothesis. George McGovern was the secretary of health at the time and decided to set into motion the low-fat craze across the nation, based solely on Ansel Key's "research." This is when margarine was invented and "heart healthy" oils like corn oils took over the market. Then the Framingham study came out, showing correlation between high cholesterol and cardiovascular events. The correlation caused a mass assumption that cholesterol was a risk factor in heart disease. Dr. Sinatra then explains that this is when drug companies first started making statins to lower cholesterol. Dr. Sinatra was a spokesperson for statins, being paid very very well to promote their use. He said after a few years of promoting them, he started to see problems.

"Well, after a few years, we were realizing that something was wrong; we made all these changes to our diets, yet the incidence of heart disease was skyrocketing... Because of the food. Corn oil, margarine, and all the other new foods that were trans fats; we had not realized that these fake foods and poor quality oils were dangerous. What an irony; we gave up butter and steaks and got sicker and fatter! Then I had an epiphany relative to statins; I realized I was barking up the wrong tree. It was in 1993 when I read an article showing that statin drugs diminished CoQ10, which is a vital nutrient made in every cell in the body and is a major nutrient for the production of cellular energy. Also CoQ10 is critically important for the strong pumping action of the heart. I had started using CoQ10 with my patients a decade before, in the early 80's, and was very impressed; I was able to avert a heart transplant with a patient I put on CoQ10. So I had to ask myself this question: How can a statin drug that's supposed to be so good for the heart deplete it of CoQ10, the most vital nutrient for the heart to survive? It didn't make sense! Then I discovered that Merck Pharmaceuticals had a patent on CoQ10 in the same pill called Lovastatin or Mevacor, meaning they knew that statins would deplete the heart of CoQ10 but kept it hidden from the public. So I had to wonder, if Merck knows about this situation, why don't they exercise the patient? ...Probably because the drugs were selling so well, and the doctors had been convinced to believe they were so safe. ...Why alert people to a problem when the drug is the darling of the industry? ...Statin drugs are some of the top selling drugs in the world."

He then goes into much more detail on how to naturally treat heart disease and how fat is actually necessary to keep the heart healthy. VERY eye-opening interview!

Next, Suzanne explores the thyroid, digging into hormone replacement drugs too. This prompts an interview with Dr. Garry Gordon, a functional medicine doctor recognized for his expertise in chelation therapy and antiaging medicine. This interview, for me, was the weakest of them all because I've already done so much research into synthetic chemicals that are endocrine dispruptors (act like hormones in the body.) This is a fantastic interview for people who have not read up on this subject.


She then moves onto Dr. Ritchie Shoemaker. If you have been diagnosed with mold toxicity, I would be surprised if you haven't heard his name. He is behind the Shoemaker Protocol, and he is the world's leading researcher on mold toxicity. This interview made me angry, but more than anything it made me feel overwhelmed. The amount of energy and MONEY it takes to do follow his protocol is beyond what I can afford. Even if I had the money, how could I possibly do all the the work? What's going to prevent me from getting mold toxic all over again, when I'd then have to redo the entire program? Even though this interview left me feeling scared due to the reality check, I think it's one of the most important chapters in the entire book. Mold is a reality that every person faces today, and mold is not the same problem it was even 50 years ago. This is the first thing he says in the interview:

"Thank you, Suzanne. Well, that's a series of questions. The Leviticus discussion about indoor mold is one that people always will talk about, but we know that there were some rather dramatic changes in fungi (mold) beginning early in the '70's. The Pittsburgh Paint Company started adding a fungicide to paint so that it was easier to clean and therefore easier to maintain. The particular compound created mutations in fungi, and just about all the players that make people ill indoors now come out of this mutated line. The toxic compounds made by these mutated fungi I worry about having a different shape compared to the same compounds made my earlier generations of fungi. Our immune systems recognize this compound as foreign and create a much greater immune response to them than they did in the unmutatd form. So the simplest answer is no, the fungi we had then are not the same as they are now."

This interview is dense - very dense. He goes onto explain that 25% of the population have certain HLA genes that cause those people (of which I am one) to have a harder time detoxing from mold. He digs into how so many chronic illnesses are diagnosed as other diseases, like Parkinson's, but are actually caused by mold. There's so much information here that I can't possibly cover it well enough in this review. If nothing else, go to the library, find this book, and read this chapter.

Finally, she interviews Walter Crinnion, N.D. This interview focuses on how to clean up your home environment in order to heal. I read this chapter last night and I honestly can't remember enough of it, except that he's the scientific researcher for a certain enzyme brand that we sell at the store I work at. What really stood out to me in this interview is how he advocates colonic irrigations. Colinics have been my favorite therapy of all because they give me immediate relief and help my MCS more than anything else. I'm less reactive after a few colonics, until I accumulate more toxins in my colon. He really digs into the effect of toxins on gut health, the methodology of Natuopathy vs Western trained doctors, and how toxins affect the immune system. He explains the role of air purifiers, such as which types are worth it and which ones are not. He made a strong case against carpets:


The last pages of her book focuses on supplements she personally recommends, an appendix, bibliography and citations, and index. I skimmed over most of this since my doctor already has me on the supplements that are working for me, and I was very tired at that point.

I strongly encourage you to buy this book and read it. STRONGLY. There are some fantastic books out there that explain this information in better detail, but this book is so easy to digest and understand. It's so easy to share information from it with family members and friends. It's not daunting, and it's so packed with lots of valuable information.

Overall this book left me feeling depressed about the state of our world. What have we done to our world? It's horrifying! It feels like a 50's sci-fi movie in which humanity slowly dies off from a chemical invasion, except that it's actually happening. We're allowing it to happen. In fact, so many of us have bought into the idea that we're better off and healthier because of all the synthetics in our world today! Follow the money trail, and you'll find nothing but greed, not respect for humanity.

The book is also so important because it gives us this reality check. We need to understand the assault on human health so that we can protect ourselves from it. We need to learn the tools to recover our health, which is very hard to do when our environments are so poisonous. It all sounds like a conspiracy theory until you fall sick to chronic illness and no MD can treat you. I'm just one of too many people suffering poor health due to toxicity.

Have you read it? Please share your thoughts below!

Source of Mold - My Reaction

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I have two draft posts that I'm struggling to finish. I'm not well. I'm actually really struggling a lot. In a way I think I'm too overwhelmed to really write about health issues. What's going on? Mold.

We're having the siding on our house replaced. It had some visible damage and probable water damage, so it was time. The damage was so much worse than we anticipated! Let me just show you in pictures:


(Blogger issue: this image is saved in the correct orientation, but always uploads upside down, and I can't rotate the image on Blogger... sigh.)














I promise you: these problems were not obvious before the siding was removed!

There were a couple of problems: no Tyvek under the siding, and some of the flashing was installed incorrectly, letting water pour behind it and along the plywood on the house. The deck area is another issue - it was installed poorly. It wasn't even anchored to the house, it was only nailed to the house. There was no flashing installed on the deck, so water sat between the siding and the deck and rotted away the siding, leaving black mold and white mold. The back door that goes out onto the deck sticks out from the house, and the bottom of the door area that sticks out just had foil. FOIL. Water was sitting on the foil, soaking into the plywood, and mold was everywhere. Thankfully, the crew we hired is drying out soaked areas, replacing as much Buffalo Board as needed, taking off the rot from the frame of the house, and killing the mold. They're doing a good job!

When my parents bought this house about 10 years ago they did have inspections done. None of this was caught.

We're having the siding company install Tyvek under the new siding. This is one use of plastic I can support! If the house had Tyvek installed in the first place (and installed the flashing correctly) we might not have any of this mold damage.

Yes, these couple of weeks have been ROUGH. Oh the inflammation, aches, brain fog, severe fatigue, painful stomach cramps and bloating, skin rashes, and eye pain! The eye pain!!! The scary part is that I've basically lost my sense of smell. I can hardly even detect smells that should alert me to toxicity in the air, which I'm using hyper alert to.

Why am I living in this house while all this mold is getting kicked up? First and foremost, I didn't think it would get into the house since it's all on the outside of the house. That ended up being not true. They found evidence that mold was getting into the house through electrical outlets. The vapor barrier on the backside of the drywall was not sealed around the electrical outlets around the entire house, so any mold sitting in the frame of the house or the insulation got behind the vapor barrier a bit around the outlet boxes, and then into the house. Scary. So all that mold is being kicked up as they've been sealing up the vapor barrier around the outlets. The other reason is that I don't have anywhere else to go that's safe for me. I'd be no better off staying with other people I know, as the use scented things, Lysol, chlorine, etc.

I'll write a lot more later, because there's much to be said, but I'm hurting too much. My fingers are even throbbing a bit in the joints.

Oh, and in case you live in my area and need house repairs done, we're using Fettig Millwork and Windows. He and his crew are doing a fantastic job!

Mycotoxins and Mold

My naturopathic doctor recently had me do a mycotoxin test through BiotrekLabs.com. The reason for this is because the lab gave him a test for free, and I got to be the guinea pig and try the test out. If the test was not free, I highly doubt I would have had a mycotoxin test done. As it turns out the test showed I have "alarmingly" high levels of all mycotoxins in my body:



I was given my actual numbers over the phone, and I can tell you they up to 3x higher than the top of the range. This is alarming - I was really surprised. Many thoughts ran through my head: Why isn't the mold killing me? Since aflatoxin is one of the most carcinogenic toxins known to man, why don't I have cancer when my body is full of it? Why am I not suffering a daily bloody nose, which is my typical allergic reaction to mold (I tested very high in allergies to most molds many years ago.) Wouldn't my symptoms be A LOT worse than this? Sure, I can hardly move some days, but I'd expect to be completely bed ridden with results like these!

Let's back up a little bit. The company who makes the test is not the most reputable, and accuracy is a concern here. For a $650 test I would expect highly reliable results. These results could be very accurate, but there's reason to question it. That said, it's no surprise that mold is a major player in my illness, and I do believe I am high in the mycotoxins for several reasons.

I've had some awful mold exposures in my life. I've always been so sensitive that coming into contact with mold would give me an immediate bloody nose with mild flu-like symptoms, while people around me were just fine. I lived on the coast in Oregon for my teenage years, a place that was naturally moldy due to constant high humidity. I could never visit the city of Bend, Oregon without getting very sick. Every single time I stayed the night in Bend, which was at least once a summer, I would end up with the flu after several bloody noses. I think a big part of the problem was that I am also allergic to trees that grow in that area, so it was a double whammy. When we moved to North Dakota from Oregon, we lived in a guest house for 3 months that was not in good condition. My mom and I disrupted a big bush of black mold on a sliding glass door in that house (I call it a bush because it was at least a few inches by a few inches.) Next thing I knew, both nostrils were pouring blood and blood was flowing down my throat. Mom grabbed a mixing bowl to collect all my blood and I filled it at least half full. I wanted to go to the ER, and I was sick with flu like symptoms after that exposure. Years later my husband and I moved into an old house in Boise, Idaho. At first it was hard to tell if there was mold or not - it was old, needed repair work done, but nothing obvious as far as mold. I was getting bloody noses at least weekly, but I tend to get them in Boise anyway due to the dry air. It was in that house that I started gaining weight rapidly, developed arthritis, started to rely on coffee and energy drinks, and felt my physical decline. One day the wall of the shower fell into the tub, revealing lots of mildew. I was very stupid at the time, assuming it was just mildew and as long as the lining of the shower got resealed onto the wall it wouldn't affect us. We lived in that house for 2 years. We moved back to North Dakota into my parent's house (my parents moved out as we moved in.) The skylight in the main bathroom was occasionally leaking, thankfully into the toilet itself, ha! One day it wasn't just a drip, it was an actual stream of water and a larger hole opened up in the ceiling. The repairman said he couldn't find any mold, but when we replaced the skylight we found that the roof board below the skylight was heavily rotted. The bathroom was renovated and sealed up, and the roof was repaired. Shortly after that, we had our windows replaced, and mold was found in the window frames. Thankfully, replacing the windows took care of the mold!

(The mold test kit's results for the main bathroom when the skylight was leaking into our toilet.)

I have a history with mold, as you can read. The question today is this: Am I still living in a moldy environment? My dad hired a company to test our house for mold. The results showed that the upstairs, where my husband and I live, had half the amount of mold as the outside of our house had (which is the base range.) The downstairs, where another family member lives, had double the mold as outside of our house. They called it "slightly elevated." For me personally, "slightly elevated" can mean "not at all safe."

Another clue as my biotoxin illness was taking the VCS Test (Visual Contract Sensitivity Test.) The idea with this test is that mycotoxins build up in our eyes, making it difficult to see contrasting colors. It seems very simplistic, and I'm not going to explain it well, so I encourage you to read about on this site. Dr. Richie Shoemaker (the leader in mold illnesses) highly recommends the test. I tested positive for biotoxins based on this test (the test was free):


We had a new washer and dryer installed this week, and when the guys from Best Buy removed the old washer we saw a couple issues. The backside of the washer looked mildewy, something I couldn't have seen before. The valve for cold water was corroded and leaking, something I couldn't have seen before. They were unable to install our washer because of that valve, so they shut it off so it stopped dripping, at least. We have no way of knowing if it was dripping behind the sheet rock, but it's very possible. But that's when it dawned on me: was I washing my clothes in a moldy washing machine? It was about 30 years old, had a leak, and probably wasn't cleaned properly for years. Are ALL of my clothes contaminated with mold from that machine?

So... knowing my history, you can see why it's no surprise that mold is an issue in my health.

Normal people who get sick from mold tend to get over it and regain their health after leaving the moldy environment. This is probably the least moldy environment I've been in for most of my life. You'd think that I should be improving, but my level was still very high on that test! It was that high after 2 1/2 years of a perfect anti-candida diet (no sugar, no moldy foods, nothing to feed mold), and a 6 month long Candida cleanse (which should have killed mold too.) Either my levels were even higher and they have come down with all this work, or what I'm doing isn't working and isn't killing the mold in my body. (Or the test isn't accurate, but I don't think that's a big factor.)

When I've looked into why my body doesn't recover from mold, I keep seeing research and articles talking about the HLA genes. Apparently, only 25% of the population have these genes, and those that do are highly prone to mycotoxin illness. I've been told that the gene makes it so the body recycles mold back into the body instead of excreting it out like in normal people. I have the genes. *IF* this is true, then how can I possible fight it? I could be recycling mold from when I was a little kid, right? So what hope do I possibly have? If I do mange to kill all the mold in my body, wouldn't I just get sick all over again from new mold accumulation in my body? Mold is impossible to escape!

So I looked at mold treatment options. The first thing that came to my attention is Ozone therapy. Apparently ozone IVs can cause mold in the body to implode, killing the biofilm and the mold itself. It's impossible for mold to survive in ozone. Sounds like a miracle cure that's easy, right? Nope! Ozone is HIGHLY toxic to humans. It's so risky that it's actually illegal, but there are doctors administering it. Strong people can survive ozone IVs, but someone like me? It's extremely risky. You will find many doctors who swear by ozone and its safety, but I am very cautious. Alternatively, I get treatments in a hyperbaric chamber at my Naturopathic Doctor's clinic. This chamber is oxygen therapy, which can do the same thing as ozone, only much much much more safely. The problem is that I don't live near my doctor's clinic, and I'm unable to get treatments more than a few times a year. I have yet to find a hyperbaric chamber anywhere in the city I live in. I've been told to drink food grade 35% hydrogen peroxide, which is essentially the same thing as ozone, but supposedly more gentle. This is not something I'm willing to try without my doctor's support, especially based on what 3% hydrogen peroxide did to my mouth (check out my black hairy tongue post.)

The next option that was made aware of is the Shoemaker Protocol. I had several people tell me it's the ONLY option for treating mold, and all the mold support groups I've looked into treat this protocol like the Holy Bible of mold toxicity. It's so popular you'd think it has a high success rate, but I keep digging and digging through the internet and can't actually find much about the success rate, just people claiming to feel better and people claiming they can't tolerate the protocol. The protocol seems to be a mixed bag. From what I'm reading, there are plenty of people who do not do well on this protocol specifically because of the main prescription medication: Cholestyramine (CSM). It's a cholesterol drug. This raises red flags for me. First and foremost, my cholesterol should not be lowered! Secondly, I don't tolerate medication well - my body readily rejects most medications I've tried. Thirdly, negative reviews of this drug for mold toxicity are very negative. It causes severe constipation, and you must take it with a laxative, causing a great deal of distress for many patients. It also absorbs nutrition from your food and supplements, so you must be really careful about how to take the drug so that you don't malnourish and dehydrate yourself. I hope you can understand my hesitancy to consider this protocol! I understand that when it works for someone it works very well in that it makes them feel better. But what I don't understand is why this prescription drug could possibly be more effective than natural binders like Zeolite, Activated Charcoal, or clay?  Dr. Shoemaker claims that they don't bind to the same toxins, but why not? I plan to do a lot more reading up on this protocol since it's pushed so hard by mold patients, but I think I need to remain skeptical. Listen to or read this really wonderful interview on this protocol by Dr. Shoemaker himself.

The other option I was made aware of is a protocol by Dr. Nick Gonzalez, may he R.I.P., as outlined in Suzanne Sommer's book Tox-Sick. (I will write a separate post on this book once I finish reading it, but so far I highly recommend it.) He advocates for regular coffee enemas and far infrared sauna treatments in addition to taking food-grade bentonite clay daily. He claims that the clay's magnetic charge and honeycomb structure makes it an excellent binder to absorb mold and carry it out of the body. I'm intrigued by this, especially since I know how much better I feel when I take activated charcoal regularly. I also found this study about the effectiveness of clay on aflatoxins in humans. I see problems with this plan, though: dehydration and heavy metal toxicity. Apparently there is less lead in the clay than in some nuts and vegetables, and apparently it's not a bioavailable lead. I'm linking to Wellness Mama on this one simply because I'm having a very difficult time finding actual studies on the risks of the heavy metals in clay - even the FDA approves bentonite clay as a safe food additive. Maybe my hesitation about food grade clay isn't well founded afterall? I have been using bentonite clay on my skin and as a toothpaste for a couple of years now and absolutely love it. As for the coffee enemas, I'm interesting in trying. I get colonic irrigations a few times a year at my doctor's clinic and they are exceptionally helpful! Enemas won't be nearly as good, but I'm curious because I can do them at home. I already use my far infrared sauna many times a week at home (I haven't written a post on this - what's wrong with me!?)

I'm glad my naturopathic doctor had another option for me. He put me on a homeopathic nasal spray with oils designed to kill mold in my sinuses. This is not a full solution, but we just want to see what happens. Mold loves the sinuses because they're a dark humid place, so starting by killing the mold in my sinuses makes sense. The spray is also designed to desensitize me to mold homeopathically.  It's a bit intimidating spraying trace amounts of black mold into my sinuses, but I'm not foreign to the concept and have had good results with this type of treatment in the past. For now, I'm content to address my mold issue with this nasal spray while I work on making my house as mold-free as possible. Ideally I'd be able to do a hyperbaric chamber regularly too, but at least I can stick with my diet and my sauna to continue to kill off and sweat out the mold in my body. I might even consider the food grade bentonite clay, after a lot more research and talking about it with my doctor. I need to go slowly, and I like that this is a very gentle start to killing off the mold in my body.