To the Skeptics Who Want Me Off My Supplements...

It's amazing how quickly the mental and brain symptoms come back when I don't take my supplements. I've only been taking my supplements on days I work so that I can manage my job, but I'm trying to keep off of them as much as possible so I'm prepared for doctor visits (whenever they finish reviewing my referral.) This is only the second day without taking my pills, and the negativity is strong within me. Anger, doubt, depression, apathy, dismissiveness, hopelessness... that dark grey cloud is moving back in.

It makes it so hard to think clearly about my situation or make plans. Right now I just want to quit everything and throw my hands up in the air, giving up. Giving in. But I know if I used my progesterone, took my lithium, and drank my inositol powder that I'd have a different attitude on the matter. That it would be worth continuing to fight.

And the brain fog! Did I just go to the bathroom? I'm not sure. Do I feel like I need to go? I thought I did need to earlier... so maybe I did go? Yes, these are the thoughts I have about many parts of life.

Cravings for carbs and sugars are coming back in a big way too. I'm not as stable with my diet. I'm not supposed to have any starches and I know it's true because I don't feel well after I eat them. But I'm craving starches now. Some need in my body has been met by something in one of my supplements, just not sure what that need is.

I hate this limbo. I really need my appointments to get scheduled so that I can have less anxiety about not taking my supplements. I'm also kind of irritated that they work this well, because it means I'll still have to take them all for a while longer. I'm getting pill fatigue. Why is my body refusing to heal more than it has? I'm investing so much into regaining my health, but my body is saying, "Nope." Ugh.

I'm getting very impatient about finding out what I need to do to continue improving or coming to accept that I can't get better. That this is the best I'll be. I'm getting annoyed by having hope and perseverance. I just want a final answer.