Thoughts I have as a person with unending fatigue (ME/CFS):

- I day dream about cleaning, and I do the work of it in my head. I imagine myself vacuuming the whole floor. I imagine scrubbing the tub. I fantasize about folding laundry and organizing clothes. But actually physically doing the work? I wish I would just do it. It's not a lack of desire to do it. I just can't get my body to move. 



- Why does caffeine usually only make my heart beat harder, and not always fuel me to move? Somedays it works, somedays it doesn't do anything. So confusing. 

- Why should I spend money on treatments when I have no reason to feel better? What good am I if I feel a little better and stronger? Is it worth the investment? Am I just going to stay house-bound anyway? Then why bother spending the money to feel better unless I'm working and contributing? 

(People who love me have told me it's worth helping me have a better quality of life because it's my only life to live and I deserve to feel my best, even if I can't feel well enough to do much with my life. I'm having a hard time with this, because if I feel better then I'll want to do more with my life and it will make me feel more restless, even though I still won't have the energy to do much.)

- I used to have a firm body. Now with age and being sick for a decade, I look so soft and weak. My shape doesn't look like me anymore. My youth is gone. And this makes me feel like I truly am missing out on life. It's not fair. And I'm angry! 

- Why are some days better than others, and why isn't it more predicable? Why do I go a whole month feeling too weak and tired, then suddenly have a week of feeling like I could be working part time? It's impossible to plan my days. I have to just do things as I feel up to doing them. That's no way to accomplish anything in life. 

- Feeling like I had a lot to say and then going totally blank after I say only a few things.... I want to go lay down, but I'm washing my bed sheets. Ugh.