Product Reviews Due to Changes or Supply Issues

First, let's talk about Fitbit... No, I won't replace it since I have years of history in the app, but it's something I want everyone to understand about Fitbit, especially if you have POTS too. 

Earlier I opened my app to look at my heart rate, and I saw the bpm in real time. I can also see this on my Fitbit screen, but I cannot read my screen outdoors because I have an Inspire 2... and it's impossible to read outside. 

When I went to see my heart rate through the day, however, it doesn't show the 157 bpm. This is because Fitbit only shows an average of every 5 minutes, so it misses my peaks. 

There's an app called Cardiogram that will show you every single BPM reading the Fitbit took. I used to use it when it was free, and it was really enlightening to see how often my heart rate spikes high. Then they started to charge a yearly subscription that was over my budget, so I stopped using it. I feel a little blind by only relying on Fitbit now, but thankfully I've been monitoring for enough years to have learned how my heart is. 

And now let's talk about products I've recommended that have changed or are no longer available... 

1. Starting with Vital Proteins Collagen Creamer, my favorite part of every morning, and the reason my nails have been surviving thyroid issues! 

I have heavily recommended this product for years, but Vital Proteins decided to change the ingredients BEFORE changing the product description on any store front. Their own website, Amazon, Vitacost, and other stores all show the old ingredients, but they're shipping the "new and improved" product instead, which has different ingredients. They removed the silica, but also added stevia (it was good without the stevia, why add it?) Unfortunately, the new product contains Maltodextrin now, which is often made from corn (I'm allergic to corn.) I wrote Vital Proteins to ask if it's made from corn, and they said:

Thank you for reaching out to us!  Our Collagen Creamers have indeed undergone a recent reformulation- this change was made to improve the mixing experience. As this is our new formulation for this product, we will no longer continue to offer the previous version. Our team is working to update the product page to reflect the new formulation. The Maltodextrin used in our product is a combination of corn and tapioca. Based on the information you shared with us we recommend to not consume the product. 

Yes, corn. Thankfully I didn't consume it without looking at the ingredients for changes! Allergies aren't the only problem with this situation. Even if I was not allergic to corn I would never willingly buy and consume something with maltodextrin in it due to how it spikes blood sugar in the body (click the sentence for a link.) I'm too sensitive to blood sugar changes and I can't handle ingredients like this.

At the bottom of that email I noticed something:

In Health,
Team Vital

Customer Care Team
Nestlé Health Science U.S. - VITAL PROTEINS

How long as Nestle owned them? Here's the thing about Nestle: I think they do very evil things and I will not support them until they change their terrible habits, but when they bought Garden of Life they didn't change anything about the quality of the product as far as I could tell. I've read that they do tend to take a hands-off approach to companies they buy. So is this terrible business with their collagen creamer a problem of Nestle? Not sure.. but for the sake of having a scapegoat, I will happily blame Nestle! 

So I switched to Primal Kitchen Collagen Fuel. I don't like it as well, but it's good enough. No bad ingredients, but it also doesn't say grass-fed cows... normally I'd keep looking for something grass-fed, but all the other brands that make collagen creamers add ingredients like maltodextrin to help it mix better in coffee. This is the only option on the market right now without maltodextrin. By the way, Primal Kitchen was bought by Kraft Heinz in 2018. It is what it is. It's hard to avoid these megacorporations in this world unless I live completely on food I grow myself and farmer's markets. It's more possible to do that here in South Carolina than anywhere else I've lived... but I want my collagen!

2. Dickinson's Witch Hazel Wipes, individually wrapped. These have been "out of stock" for a very long time, and they have introduced a new package with multiple sheets per package instead. I'm all for less packaging, but that defeats the purpose. These were a perfect fragrance-free option for cleaning up while traveling. I used them on my hands, face, and body. They were small and fit into my purse or pocket, so I could keep them with me. I have not yet found an alternative that's fragrance-free at a reasonable price point. I bought out the last of the other TN Dickinon's witch hazel brand individual wipes for now, so I'll look for an alternative later when I need to buy something. 

3. Biokleen laundry powder... Now this one has me the most upset of all. I can't link to it because it no longer exists. I prefer powder because it significantly reduces plastic waste, it's pure soap and not mostly water, and it's easier to work with. The problem with powder is they normally require warm to hot water to work. At first, they made their laundry powder with hydrogen peroxide and enzymes, which meant it cleaned and dissolved in cold water really well. I also liked it because it contained zeolite, which binds to mold spores. It helped me decontaminate my clothes. Then they changed their formula and removed the hydrogen peroxide and enzymes. They switched to using citrus as the cleaning agent. I wasn't happy, but it's been working well enough for me. They also offered a fragrance-free version, which normally I would prefer, but I wanted the grapefruit seed oil to help break down biofilms on my clothes and that was only in the citrus version. Now they no longer make it at all. 

Instead, Biokleen started to make laundry sheets. 🚩🚩🚩 Red flag alert!! Let me make something very clear: Laundry sheets are TERRIBLE in every possible way. They claim to be better for the environment because they don't use plastic packaging, but what they don't tell you is that every sheet contains plastic: polyvinyl alcohol. You're literally washing your clothes in plastic if you use these, and no, the plastic does not "magically dissolve." Read this study about how 75% of it ends up in water ways. But it's worse than that: these sheets don't work well. They don't dissolve in cold water, but most natural fibers require cold water. They end up clogging up pipes because they don't dissolve. Look... there's nothing good about laundry sheets. Fine idea for reducing plastic, but wrong execution. I'm really upset that Biokleen went this direction instead of continuing to make their enzyme-based laundry powder. I would have paid more for it if I need to, because it worked... 

So I switched to Dirty Labs. It's liquid, it uses enzymes, it's fragrance-free, works great in cold water, and contains no plastic at all. Honestly, it's a great product. I really like how well it cleans. I like that it's super concentrated, so I'm not buying water. My complaint, unfortunately, is how messy it is. It's very thick and goopy, so it's slow to pour. It's hard to measure the right amount because not all of it will pour out. They made a dispenser bottle, but based on the reviews it's problematic and needs to get perfected before I spend money on it. 

4. ....Oh!! It's back in stock!! I don't have to lament about how my favorite product is out of stock anymore! Lauren Brooke Cosmetiques pressed powder foundation. Yay!!!!!!! This product is very clean, and it works brilliantly. It gives my skin life and a glow, but it doesn't look heavy like foundation. It's breathable and stays in place when I sweat. It's amazing. I frequently wear it without any other make up just because it makes me look normal and healthy.  

Aurora - The Seed

July 2024: What Happened To The Heart?

Despite what I'm about to say in this blog, I'm really grateful for the beauty that I'm surrounded by in my life. I bought this flower at a farmer's market a few weeks after moving here at this time last year, and look at it now. It's the most amazing flower I've ever grown in my life:

I'll be turning 37 in a few weeks. I still feel so young because I feel like too little has happened in my life, but I feel the weight of age on my shoulders. It's compounded by all the doomsday scenarios all over the news: climate change will cause us to fry or freeze until we're all extinct, women's health care will regress until I can't get any medical help at all, it's impossible to afford to raise children, we're running out of electricity, no one can buy homes anymore... You get the point. I feel like I missed my opportunity to live the "American Dream" before it became impossible. Now I wonder if we're all going to die soon anyway. (I doubt it and I won't plan on it, but I entertain the thoughts.)

Part of me is actually really thankful that the "American Dream" is dying, because it's a huge responsibility and not everyone is built to endure it, and it gives me relief to be able to let go of it. Those who are built to endure it are very lucky to have the opportunity to thrive in this country, and I'm incredibly grateful for them! They are the backbone of this country and I fully support their efforts. I thought I was one of those people, but now? It's only a burden of a dead dream for me now. Before I got sick I had a lot of ambition that was instilled onto me. I understood that every person had to have a career, and so I was creative about what I wanted my career to look like. I dreamed of opening my own business, being a published novel author, landing a job working for a company that was going to save the world from itself, and giving TED Talks about how ethics in business actually lead to better productivity. I was a highly idealistic and dreamy person. I was smart and I knew it, but I didn't understand my intelligence type. I fought my natural instincts in order to do the "successful person" things. Since getting sick, all that ambition is completely gone, and all that matters is the energy that arises from my natural instincts... which isn't exactly career-oriented. I'm a nurturer, and I was built to raise a family... something that's impossible to do without a two-career household these days. 

I thought getting married was the first step to doing the right thing with my life in order to live my "American Dream," so I got married very young. I thought that was going to motivate me to make money and get my life rolling. It took me a long time to figure out that I was delusional, because I was trying to do what I was supposed to instead of live according to how I naturally am. I was very ready to be completely in love and committed to a person - that wasn't the problem. I'm built to love very hard, and commitment is a huge blessing to me, not a source of fear. The problem was that I wanted to be married because I wanted a family - which is very natural, right? It killed my career instincts. Immediately I found myself putting myself aside to support my husband in all of his dreams. I stopped investing in myself. I took any job I could find, which never paid that much. I had a college degree, yes, but that never helped me earn a decent wage. I had 2 different jobs that required my degree, and both of them paid less than $10/hr. It was very clear to me that I was built to be moral support to my husband, and it was my job to help him fulfil his career dreams. And then I got sick. Goodbye Sarah and all her dreams... getting sick became my life. And you know what? I'm tired of my life being ruled by my physical abilities. 

Side story about being a slave to my body so you can understand how difficult it is for me to plan anything in my life:

We had tickets to go see a concert of a world famous jazz musician: Wynton Marsalis. We could choose between going on a Tuesday or Saturday since he was at the venue for a residency. My husband really wanted to go on the Tuesday, but I told him that was my period due date. My period is so extreme that I absolutely cannot do anything on the day of my period, but the PMS is also very intense. It's always better to schedule everything in my life for the week after my period. So I said Saturday was the better day to go. Well, Tuesday came and went and my period didn't come, although the pain was enough to make me believe it would come at any moment. But it didn't. I ended up being 6 days late, and why? It started overnight on Friday and caused me a ton of problems all Saturday morning. We had to leave by 3 pm to get to the concert on time. My husband had been calling around asking for anyone else to take my ticket and go with him, but it was too last minute and no one was able to. I made a last moment decision at 3 pm to go with him, because I was just getting past the worst and was entering the recovery phase. It meant 4 hours in the car, and somehow managing with difficult public bathrooms while there. But I was angry at my body and I was angry that money would go to waste. So I chose to go with him. I wore a dress so I could wear my overnight pad, because my menstrual cup can't contain it all, took some medication, and went with him. I delt with the poor public bathroom options. I was dizzy and wanted to lay down through the concert. But I really enjoyed the music, which lifted my spirits and helped me endure. If my period had started even an hour or two later I wouldn't have gone, so I got very lucky.  

Now I'm in South Carolina for his career... I'm not going to write freely about my entire experience here, not at this point in time. But I can say it's been highly unsettled, triggering depression like I've never known before. It's been very difficult for me to just go get any job I can, because it doesn't work that way here. I can't drive far safely - most of the time I can drive 10 minutes before I zone out too much, and there isn't much within 10 minutes. Most jobs here are manufacturing jobs, followed by fast food. Manufacturing jobs are never going to work for me because they'll never hire me part-time, and the jobs are highly physical and require more energy than I have. So many of them are essentially slave-labor too... I have been told many stories from locals here. Many of them only offer rotating shifts of 12 hour days, but the work is highly repetitive and causes repetitive stress injury. No, I can't survive in that environment in my physical condition. To be clear, it's because of the small town I'm living in. If I were in one of the cities I wouldn't be having such a problem... maybe. There's a lot of competition for jobs. South Carolina is growing rapidly. I feel extremely useless... like there's no reason to be alive. I could get into the climate, pollen, mold, poor infrastructure, and poverty issues too... I could write a lot about how inhospitable it is for my health condition, but I imagine I don't need to explain much. Extreme heat, pollen, and widespread mold problems says everything. I feel like I lost a battle with the culture of this state before I even took a swing at it. The standards of living are very low, and the expectation is that every person is able-bodied and can work like slaves. At least in the small town I'm in. Imagine me calling in sick for my period... it doesn't matter that I have endometriosis. I would get fired quickly. 

Aurora's new album, "What Happened to the Heart" has been a massive inspiration for me these past few weeks. I know I'm always sharing her music in this blog, but she always expresses what's in my heart and on my mind. It's very poetic and the themes align perfectly with all the weight on my own heart. She sings about what it means to be human in a disconnected world: tackling issues of AI, loss of independence and the desire to be free, inability to repair relationships due to selfishness, how to be remembered in a world that isn't paying attention, worshiping idols that don't love us back, and how necessary it is to love. I was already feeling all the themes very deeply, then she comes along with this album that expresses my heart perfectly. But I know we're all feeling these themes to some degree.

The Essence

In another life

Home feels like home

I've mourned you now

Longer than I've known you

As the trees cry their leaves

Vulnerable, just like me

Maybe, maybe it will be alright?

We all hurt sometimes

Maybe, maybe it will be alright?

We are running through the waves of time

And the truth can lie

In the arms of a fight

And I try, and I try

But it hurts so much

To be in touch

So I'd rather not

We make amends with the roads we cross

Like rivers flow

To be near your ground

Maybe, maybe it will be alright?

We all hurt sometimes

Maybe, maybe it will be alright?

We are running through the waves of time

And the truth can lie

In the arms of a fight

And I try, and I try

But it hurts so much

To be in touch

With the essence of us

A Soul With No King

I know you know me and you always will

Like a man with no wisdom and a soul with no king

A soul with no king, hmm

I know you fear me, your heart unfulfilled

Like a world with no mother and a home never built

But if this is what you want

Why speak of right and wrong?

You still go in for the kill

You speak of the devil

Like he's not your friend

When the world starts to burn

Give your water to him

(Call my name)

Call my name

Nothing will ever change, no guilt, no shame

Call out my name when you need me again

Nothing will ever change, no guilt, no shame

Call out my name when you need me again

If you know who I am, why won't you call my name?