Chronically ill people have it rough. First, they're in pain and suffering. Second, their brains don't work as well as they used to. Third, people around them typically don't believe them and may even assume they're hypochondriacs. Fourth, it's hard for them to find the energy to fight to get their life back.
Finding inspiration to fight to get my life back was very important in my healing process. At first, when I finally collapsed from sickness last fall, nothing mattered. I was so deprived of energy that I couldn't think well enough to gain inspiration. The only things on my mind were: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, arthritis, aching joints, and pain. Lots of pain, and no energy. All I had was raw willpower. It was all that got me out of bed to eat, go to the bathroom, and stay alive.
My first wave of inspiration came from my parents when they invited me out to to their state to see a doctor who came highly recommended by a friend who suffered similar issues to me. Someone else had recovered from fibromyalgia and was able to work a full-time job? This doctor actually understands fibromyalgia and successfully treated someone? The hope this gave me helped me get on a plane and travel - I didn't know I had it in me to travel. After meeting the doctor, I was even more hopeful. Being a naturopathic doctor, he treats differently from conventional western medicine. His regimen for me didn't include drugs, but did include a lot of effort on my part. I was willing to take the challenge. I had hope, and I was very inspired by my parent's friend who got better.
After a few months of the regimen, I was feeling better enough to start enjoying myself, even when I was too lazy to move. I couldn't manage to read books - that took too much brain power. I would read a sentence over and over before I finally was able to form the image in my head - if an image came at all. I decided to try something much more simple: graphic novels. I found many of them were still way too heavy, so I went even more simple: manga. As a kid, I was obsessed with Sailor Moon - the cartoon. I loved it to no end. I never had the chance to read much of the manga it was based on, though. Coincidentally, the manga series was being re-released with a new translation that same month that I was looking for a manga to read. Inspiration! I got a hold of both box sets and dug in.
I found myself absorbing the story in Sailor Moon, easy as drinking a milkshake. It was easy to read, easy to follow, and highly enjoyable. For the first time in a long time (maybe a year?) I was really enjoying reading (and I've always been in love with books - you should see the library in our living room.) It could just be that I really wanted to read it. I was actually excited about something. It could also be that it was actually easy to read. Either way, I found a way to really enjoy myself while laying in bed in pain. Better yet, the story of Sailor Moon was inspiring. I could write a whole dissertation on the brilliance of the story (the children's anime was very loosely based on the original manga, which were not written for little kids as they contain mature subject matter - it's Harry Potter quality in that all ages can really dig into the rich vibrant story with lots of morals and messages.) In particular, I was inspired by one character: Hotaru. Her life was miserable - way worse than mine. Her house burned down and killed her mother. She was also almost killed, but her father made a deal with an evil entity in order to save their lives. Hotaru was turned into a cyborg in order to stay alive, though was in poor health all the time, and her father had to do this evil entity's will. Hotaru, though, had a greater purpose than to barely stay alive with the help of machines. She was a Sailor Soldier - a mythological goddess reborn on earth as a human in order to fulfill her soldier's mission. She had to find a way to fight the illness, break free of the machine, and save the world - essentially. Her spirit led the way to her recovery, and things eventually worked out - though there was a lot of pain and suffering first. I won't spoil. I needed a story like that. Fictional or not - super hero or not - it was inspiring. I too had a more important mission in life that I needed fulfill. I took my supplements, ate my diet, and continued to do my pathetic little work outs with a renewed sense of importance and vigor.
I found myself drawn to more manga stories with inspiring messages of hope and purpose. Within the past year, I've read and really enjoyed Legend of Basara, Vinland Saga, From Far Away, A Bride's Story, and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. Each of these stories were about characters who stepped up to take on a higher purpose, finding the wisdom, strength, and inspiration to succeed.
A few months ago, I attempted to read a novel again. No pictures to do the imagining for me - an actual novel with only words to tell the story. I picked up Donita K Paul's latest book, One Realm Beyond. I loved her other series, Dragon Keeper Chronicles. It was slow going at first, but I managed the first chapter. It was tiring to read - it really wore me out. I read the next chapter the next night. Eventually, after a few months, I did finish the whole book and LOVED it. It was a slow read, but I did read, and it was so worth it! I renewed my hope with this book!
In the mean time, I was also attempting to take on video games again. I've always been a big gamer. I'm a nerd, and I have no shame. There was no way I could handle action, platform, or any type of game that involved getting my adrenaline up. Anything with a timer was off-limits. I didn't have the energy, but I also didn't want to ruin all the work I've been doing to heal my adrenal glands. I pulled out my Nintendo DS and played Pokemon in bed. Great games, for the record. They let me rest while giving my brain something to work on. Recently, I decided to replay an old computer game of mine: The Longest Journey. It's an adventure game, meaning it operates under a "point-and-click" system. You can't die, nothing is timed, and the point is to work your way though a story by solving puzzles in order to move forward. Simple, but a great story line and a system that kept my brain working. This game also gave me a renewed sense of inspiration. The main character, April Ryan, is an 18-year-old girl art student at a college who is living paycheck-to-paycheck and doesn't know what to do with her life. She slowly uncovers that she has a special destiny to give up her life for 1,000 years in order to keep the balance of both worlds. Sounds cheesy when I put it that simply! Anyway, I had to navigate this young girl through a gigantic crisis of the worlds until she could fulfill her purpose in life. This girl, with seemingly no hope to make a good successful life for herself, ended up being a hero that the worlds praised through stories for the rest of history. Totally beyond the realm of my possibilities for my life - but getting to play a girl who struggles greatly in order to achieve a higher purpose is very satisfying. It definitely inspired me to fight for my higher purpose. I can't believe that that my higher purpose is to remain sick forever.
I love stories. They're my favorite form of entertainment. I play video games for the story. I read books and graphic novels for the stories. I watch movies for the story. If it doesn't have a good story, I'm unlikely to care about it. So for me, finding these stories, no matter the medium they came in, was the best way for me to find inspiration and hope.
This inspiration and hope motivated me to stick carefully and diligently to my doctor's difficult regimen. It got me out the door and into the YMCA for work outs. It kept me away from temptations that I know will poison me, like too much chocolate. It got me to go out with friends every so often and pretend I was well. It got me to take on necessary house repair projects. It got me to work harder on being a good wife to my husband instead of a pile of skin and bones he felt obligated to care for. It got me to feel better. It's the reason I worked so hard on getting my life back, and I'm half-way there!
In the past month, the need for money is my newest source of inspiration. I've been trying to refocus my slightly higher levels of energy onto projects that will make money. I've graduated from resting in bed most of the time to actually being up and around the house most of the time, so it seems right that my entertainment graduates to a new level too. One of those projects has been looking for a job in town that won't make me sick. Another project has been starting a Zazzle shop. It's giving me the need to get back into drawing and designing, something I used to love to do. I don't have much up right now (one of my two designs was removed for being too similar to something copyrighted - oops!) I am, however, working on more and will build up my items for sale soon. Please support me by checking out my shop: http://www.zazzle.com/paper_constructions*
I encourage you to never give up. Please remember what you used to love to do, and find a way to involve yourself in those things. Find inspiration. Renew your vision of a good future for yourself. Give yourself purpose again. Don't remain a slave to your chronic illness. You CAN do this. Mental willpower and prayer (lots and lots of prayer!) are more powerful than any drug on the market. If I could work my way out of the hardest health slump of my life, you can too.
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