We watched "You're Not You" on Netflix last night, a movie about a pianist (Hilary Swank) with ALS and her slow descent into death. We were drawn to it because my husband is a professional pianist and I've been suffering chronic illnesses. When you boil the movie down, it's basically another Million Dollar Baby, but only half as powerful and meaningful. It wasn't a bad movie, but it could have been so much better. A few things irritated me, and these things are a great reflection of the problems with how healthy people view chronically ill people:
1. The movie jumped right into the main character starting to get sick. We never got to know her as the person she is, we only learned about her as a sick person. For a movie titled "You're Not You" I don't know who the "You" actually ever was. This irritates me because it's so easy to forget who a sick person is. What are their dreams and passions? How did they spend their time? How did they treat people? What was their social life like? Were they independent, codependent, respected, admired...? I don't know! I knew next to nothing about the character of the main character except that she was a pianist married to a super wealthy lawyer. She was meant to just be viewed as "the sick character." I wanted to know who this poor woman was, and what kind of loss it was to the world when she died. It angered me because I don't want to be viewed that way, as "the sick person," and I feel the movie trained the audience to have pity on sick people instead of respecting who they are as people. I am a person who happens to have an illness, I am not a sickness.
2. I was angry at the main character for not allowing people to love her. Her greatest character trait was pushing people out of her life so they didn't have to be ruined by her illness too. We saw the effects of her pushing out her husband first, then her caretaker later. The problem was, these people had purpose in caring for her. They were better people because of her. She refused to recognize that, and instead wanted them to leave her so they could live their lives without being dragged down by her suffering. She didn't value her life or her ability to contribute to the world, even with an illness. This character was just an illness, hardly a person. The movie did do a wonderful job showing the pain and torment that the second main character, her caretaker, went through when she was pushed away, or "fired."
3. This wasn't a story about the value of life. It was a story about surrendering to an illness and wanting to die. It was about being physically alive, but having already given up on living. I firmly believe that all life has value, even the life of people suffering with serious illness who have no hope of survival. I understand, and can sympathize with choosing not to have medical treatments in order to die a little sooner and have less suffering. But she didn't even try to live with what life she had left - well, she did for a few short scenes, but she went right back to feeling like it was wrong of her to enjoy herself. The movie really needed to show the value of the life she still had in her more so than just showing how heartbroken her caretaker was.
I'm just sad that this movie had the opportunity to teach people empathy for for the chronically ill, but it really just left me with the impression that chronically ill people have too little value left and should be allowed to die. That they still deserve love, but very few people are willing to give it.
The one major point that I really appreciated and connected with was that the main character didn't want a trained nurse as a caretaker. She ended up hiring a disorganized mess of a young woman to be her caretaker, despite not knowing anything about chronic illnesses or nursing. She did this against her husband's wishes because she knew that this girl would actually listen to her. She wasn't a trained nurse, therefore she could be trained to the main character's specific needs. She didn't want to work with a new doctor or take experimental drugs, because they just give false hope without actually listening to her needs or desires. This really resonated with me because I've also grown so angry with health care professionals who think that their training is more important than listening to and adapting to the patient. My naturopathic doctor is incredible in that he meets me on my level, gets to know me, lets me tell me every little detail that's wrong, and fully considers the implications of everything I complain about. He quells my worries and gives me real hope - not false positivity. He uses his training to treat me, but he adapts it to me, specifically. The main character found this same trait her in young caretaker, so she held on to her.
Please, just remember that the chronically ill are PEOPLE. Human beings with a heart and soul, dreams and goal, and plenty of love and life to give despite their limitations!
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Monday, April 4, 2016
Toilet Paper
Yep, that's right. Today I'm writing about toilet paper! How fun!
Why is this necessary, you might ask? Well, because like most consumer products today, most toilet paper options are not necessarily gentle or healthy. I don't mean gentle in terms of softness, I mean in terms of how much chlorine is in the paper, which is highly irritating to skin. I've discussed the problems of chlorine in this previous post, so this post isn't about why to avoid it.
This post is about what brands make safe and effective toilet paper.
First and foremost, though, I need to address a big issue with recycled toilet paper, which tends to be free of chlorine: BPA. Yes, the toxic plastic reside is often found in recycled toilet paper. The reason is that the paper products that were recycled and turned into toilet paper often had BPA on them originally, such a receipt paper and newspaper (BPA is in the ink on the newspapers.) This study addresses this issue.
So let's face it:options are limited. White bleached toilet paper is full of chlorine and possibly other additives, which hurt our skin and cause problems, but the alternative, which is recycled toilet paper, tends to have BPA, which is carcinogenic and endocrine disruptive. It's a problem, for sure. That said, I'm a lot less concerned about the BPA in the toilet paper than the chlorine. The concentration of BPA in toilet paper is much lower than that found in many common foods, especially canned foods (the study I linked to above states this.) If we are actively avoiding BPA in our diet, then I wouldn't worry too much about the BPA in toilet paper, though I'd greatly prefer to avoid it entirely.
The best option might just be a bodeau... if you keep it sanitary, and if it actually works well enough. Or perhaps we should use washable cotton clothes? That's awfully disgusting, but women are already washing their reusable menstrual pads, so is it that different? I, for one, am not likely to go either of these routes. Toilet paper it is!
So, let me review some brands that are reasonable options:
1. Seventh Generation
This brand has two options: unbleached and white. Both are recycled, so BPA might be an issue. Their white toilet paper is bleached with hydrogen peroxide, not chlorine. I've tired both and like them both well enough, but this brand is always my back up plan, never my go-to. While these products don't irritate my skin the way chlorine toilet paper does, I worry a bit that there might be additives in the paper since many of their products do have questionable additives and they do use known pesticides in certain products.
The good: It doesn't cause chlorine irritation. Most of the time it's soft and gentle. It's easy to find nationally. The unbleached version, while too expensive, makes a fantastic statement about our paper products not needing to be whitened with bleach. The unbleached version might actually come from a safer source of non-BPA paper, because the paper that was recycled wouldn't have been bleached in the first place.
The not-so-good: It's distributed in plastic wrapping. Each roll tends to have a different consistency, where one roll was refreshingly perfectly soft, the next ripped and crumbled too easily, and the next was too rough.
The questionable: It's recycled, but they don't say what kind of paper they recycle to make into toilet paper. Are there biproducts other than just BPA? Hard to say.
2. Marcal
Marcal toilet paper is probably the most affordable option since it's on an eternal sale on Amazon. This brand also whitens with hydrogen peroxide, not chlorine.
The good: No plastic! Each roll is wrapped in protective paper, and shipped 24 packs in boxes. There's no chlorine. The rolls are consistent in quality, and they are actually soft. They're strong enough too.
The not-so-good: The rolls are small and they get used up quickly.
The questionable: It's recycled, and they claim they recycle from old newspapers and junk mail, both of which are full of BPA from ink. However, their process is detailed out on their website to show how it's cleaned up and made safe. This brand is actually transparent, which I greatly appreciate.
3. Full Circle
This is a store brand for super markets who have natural foods departments. It may not be available everywhere.
The good: It's affordable, does not use chlorine, and is good quality. It's not the softest, but it's strong and doesn't hurt to use. The rolls last longer than most other "green" brands.
The not-so-good: It's distributed in plastic.
The questionable: Again, recycled toilet paper. This brand is not transparent about what it recycles from, and it's hard to learn much about the brand's general practices to know if they're generally safe. I do buy this brand due to the low price, but it's not my first choice because I know so little about it.
4. Caboo
This brand is rather different! This not not a recycled toilet paper, and is not made from trees. It's made from sugar cane and bamboo, both of which are quickly renewable natural resources.
The good: This is the strongest paper I've ever used, to the point where I occasionally have trouble ripping it cleanly from the roll. It's softness is similar to Scott's - it's more functional than comfortable, but isn't rough at all. The rolls last a long time because I need less and there's simply more on each roll. This brand is also using left over sugar cane pulp and bamboo pulp from the production of other products. They found a way to put left overs to great use! Bamboo does not require pesticides to grow, and there's no chlorine in this product, so it has potential to be safer than others.
The not-so-good: They use plastic wrap - THICK plastic wrap.
The questionable: Bamboo can either be a highly sustainable, natural, and clean source for consumer products, or it can be highly toxic. As far as I know, the toxicity is only in viscose and rayon fiber, and the reason is that the bamboo has to be chemically treated to be turned into these fibers. This toilet paper probably does not need to be treated in the way that fiber does, and it's probably safe. But I simply do not know for sure. Also, sugar cane is often heavily sprayed with pesticides, so there's a potential that there are pesticide residues in this toilet paper, but we just don't know that for sure.
Brands I have not tried, but are chlorine free:
Green Forest (recycled), Natural Value (recyled), and World Centric (made from wheat, which could be heavy in pesticides).
I hope that I've at least created an awareness with this post. There's no right answer as to which brand you buy. Ideally, fresh virgin pulp non-recylced toilet paper would also be available by major brands like Charmin and Scott's, but to my knowledge that does not exist. While that would mean cutting down more trees, which is potentially an environmental issue, it actually would mean safer toilet paper in that we wouldn't be exposed to BPA and other contaminates through the recycling process.
Why is this necessary, you might ask? Well, because like most consumer products today, most toilet paper options are not necessarily gentle or healthy. I don't mean gentle in terms of softness, I mean in terms of how much chlorine is in the paper, which is highly irritating to skin. I've discussed the problems of chlorine in this previous post, so this post isn't about why to avoid it.
This post is about what brands make safe and effective toilet paper.
First and foremost, though, I need to address a big issue with recycled toilet paper, which tends to be free of chlorine: BPA. Yes, the toxic plastic reside is often found in recycled toilet paper. The reason is that the paper products that were recycled and turned into toilet paper often had BPA on them originally, such a receipt paper and newspaper (BPA is in the ink on the newspapers.) This study addresses this issue.
So let's face it:options are limited. White bleached toilet paper is full of chlorine and possibly other additives, which hurt our skin and cause problems, but the alternative, which is recycled toilet paper, tends to have BPA, which is carcinogenic and endocrine disruptive. It's a problem, for sure. That said, I'm a lot less concerned about the BPA in the toilet paper than the chlorine. The concentration of BPA in toilet paper is much lower than that found in many common foods, especially canned foods (the study I linked to above states this.) If we are actively avoiding BPA in our diet, then I wouldn't worry too much about the BPA in toilet paper, though I'd greatly prefer to avoid it entirely.
The best option might just be a bodeau... if you keep it sanitary, and if it actually works well enough. Or perhaps we should use washable cotton clothes? That's awfully disgusting, but women are already washing their reusable menstrual pads, so is it that different? I, for one, am not likely to go either of these routes. Toilet paper it is!
So, let me review some brands that are reasonable options:
1. Seventh Generation
This brand has two options: unbleached and white. Both are recycled, so BPA might be an issue. Their white toilet paper is bleached with hydrogen peroxide, not chlorine. I've tired both and like them both well enough, but this brand is always my back up plan, never my go-to. While these products don't irritate my skin the way chlorine toilet paper does, I worry a bit that there might be additives in the paper since many of their products do have questionable additives and they do use known pesticides in certain products.
The good: It doesn't cause chlorine irritation. Most of the time it's soft and gentle. It's easy to find nationally. The unbleached version, while too expensive, makes a fantastic statement about our paper products not needing to be whitened with bleach. The unbleached version might actually come from a safer source of non-BPA paper, because the paper that was recycled wouldn't have been bleached in the first place.
The not-so-good: It's distributed in plastic wrapping. Each roll tends to have a different consistency, where one roll was refreshingly perfectly soft, the next ripped and crumbled too easily, and the next was too rough.
The questionable: It's recycled, but they don't say what kind of paper they recycle to make into toilet paper. Are there biproducts other than just BPA? Hard to say.
2. Marcal
Marcal toilet paper is probably the most affordable option since it's on an eternal sale on Amazon. This brand also whitens with hydrogen peroxide, not chlorine.
The good: No plastic! Each roll is wrapped in protective paper, and shipped 24 packs in boxes. There's no chlorine. The rolls are consistent in quality, and they are actually soft. They're strong enough too.
The not-so-good: The rolls are small and they get used up quickly.
The questionable: It's recycled, and they claim they recycle from old newspapers and junk mail, both of which are full of BPA from ink. However, their process is detailed out on their website to show how it's cleaned up and made safe. This brand is actually transparent, which I greatly appreciate.
3. Full Circle
This is a store brand for super markets who have natural foods departments. It may not be available everywhere.
The good: It's affordable, does not use chlorine, and is good quality. It's not the softest, but it's strong and doesn't hurt to use. The rolls last longer than most other "green" brands.
The not-so-good: It's distributed in plastic.
The questionable: Again, recycled toilet paper. This brand is not transparent about what it recycles from, and it's hard to learn much about the brand's general practices to know if they're generally safe. I do buy this brand due to the low price, but it's not my first choice because I know so little about it.
4. Caboo
This brand is rather different! This not not a recycled toilet paper, and is not made from trees. It's made from sugar cane and bamboo, both of which are quickly renewable natural resources.
The good: This is the strongest paper I've ever used, to the point where I occasionally have trouble ripping it cleanly from the roll. It's softness is similar to Scott's - it's more functional than comfortable, but isn't rough at all. The rolls last a long time because I need less and there's simply more on each roll. This brand is also using left over sugar cane pulp and bamboo pulp from the production of other products. They found a way to put left overs to great use! Bamboo does not require pesticides to grow, and there's no chlorine in this product, so it has potential to be safer than others.
The not-so-good: They use plastic wrap - THICK plastic wrap.
The questionable: Bamboo can either be a highly sustainable, natural, and clean source for consumer products, or it can be highly toxic. As far as I know, the toxicity is only in viscose and rayon fiber, and the reason is that the bamboo has to be chemically treated to be turned into these fibers. This toilet paper probably does not need to be treated in the way that fiber does, and it's probably safe. But I simply do not know for sure. Also, sugar cane is often heavily sprayed with pesticides, so there's a potential that there are pesticide residues in this toilet paper, but we just don't know that for sure.
Brands I have not tried, but are chlorine free:
Green Forest (recycled), Natural Value (recyled), and World Centric (made from wheat, which could be heavy in pesticides).
I hope that I've at least created an awareness with this post. There's no right answer as to which brand you buy. Ideally, fresh virgin pulp non-recylced toilet paper would also be available by major brands like Charmin and Scott's, but to my knowledge that does not exist. While that would mean cutting down more trees, which is potentially an environmental issue, it actually would mean safer toilet paper in that we wouldn't be exposed to BPA and other contaminates through the recycling process.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Sleep!
After an awful night of "sleep" I thought I might say something important:
Working myself to exhaustion DOES NOT make me sleepy. I won't get tired enough to sleep by simply doing more work to "tire myself out."
A healthy person should get more tired by extra work, so it's very easy for healthy people to suggest to those of us with insomnia or sleep issues to simply wear our selves out to make us tired. They mean well, but they don't understand. I worked 18 hours on my feet this past week, attended a large event where I had to stand for an hour, went for a couple of walks with a friend and my husband, did extra chores around the house, hosted a dinner at my house for my parents, and more. I did double what I'm normally capable of this week, and I'm very much paying for it now. I'm very tired, in desperate need of recovery. But I'm not sleepy.
I usually start to wake up and feel better at about 10 pm, when I feel like my body decides to start producing energy, finally. It doesn't matter how hard of a day it was, how little sleep I got the night before, or how tired I feel up to 10 pm. My brain turns on at night, and I often feel like I could get up and do an easy Xbox Fitness program. Sometimes I actually do have to at least do some jumping jacks and lift a few weights in order to get ready for bed, otherwise I can feel too restless. Where's that energy during the day when I need it!?
Last night was terrible. Absolutely annoying. After dinner I used my far infrared sauna for an hour, which is very calming, usually, and then drank water with my doctor's CalmING powder that is designed to calm anxiety and adrenaline. A little later I drank Nighty Night tea, a tea for inducing sleep. It had zero effect on me, when it normally does bring a wave of a tired feeling. Then I rubbed in my nightly dose of progesterone cream, which tends to have a relaxed calming effect. I then took my sleep pills: an herbal and magnesium blend from my doctor, a ziziphus blend from my doctor, phosphatidylserine with choline and inositol, organically grown valerian root, Organic India's Peaceful Sleep, and 6 mg of melatonin. Multiple pills of each of these. This combo is usually just enough to knock me out so I can sleep, and once I'm asleep I typically sleep well on a normal night. Last night, all of these pills didn't work. They didn't phase me.
I laid in bed for hours with very agitated thoughts, high anxiety, and fibromyalgia flares flowing through my legs and arms. My thoughts drifted in and out of dreams, so I could tell my body was trying to sleep, but I kept waking up from the annoyance of my dreams. The "dreams" were very high strung, full of problems, social tension issues, anxiety about getting somewhere on time, etc. I tossed and turned a lot, and at several points considered getting up and avoiding the bed for the rest of the night to avoid the torment.
The worst part was feeling my heart beating with such high intensity ALL night long. Every time I woke up I could feel my heart hitting the mattress like a punching bag. I practiced some deep breathing techniques to calm my heart, but it actually only made my heart beat harder, like I was working out.
Please understand, I spend a lot of time and money on remedies to get me to sleep. If I don't take enough of them, my adrenal glands won't shut off at night and keep me awake. I must overpower my adrenals to sleep.
But last night wasn't a normal night. This was PMS induced, and therefore there may not have been any combination of pills that would have worked for me.
The problem with PMS and my menstrual cycle is that my level of stress through the month seems to have a direct consequence on how intense it's going to be. The more I take on and exhaust myself, the more agitation and irritability during PMS. This month I was too active - I had way more stress than I wanted, more hours at work than I should take, and too many side projects I shouldn't have worried about. I'm paying harshly for it, and I cannot allow this to be normal. I MUST back off and lessen my level of stress.
Let me leave you with this article about the dangers of lacking sleep. I can't stress enough how important sleep is to our entire life - we cannot afford to skip it to get more work done in our life:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleep-newzzz/201603/the-social-and-behavioral-costs-sleeplessness?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
Working myself to exhaustion DOES NOT make me sleepy. I won't get tired enough to sleep by simply doing more work to "tire myself out."
A healthy person should get more tired by extra work, so it's very easy for healthy people to suggest to those of us with insomnia or sleep issues to simply wear our selves out to make us tired. They mean well, but they don't understand. I worked 18 hours on my feet this past week, attended a large event where I had to stand for an hour, went for a couple of walks with a friend and my husband, did extra chores around the house, hosted a dinner at my house for my parents, and more. I did double what I'm normally capable of this week, and I'm very much paying for it now. I'm very tired, in desperate need of recovery. But I'm not sleepy.
I usually start to wake up and feel better at about 10 pm, when I feel like my body decides to start producing energy, finally. It doesn't matter how hard of a day it was, how little sleep I got the night before, or how tired I feel up to 10 pm. My brain turns on at night, and I often feel like I could get up and do an easy Xbox Fitness program. Sometimes I actually do have to at least do some jumping jacks and lift a few weights in order to get ready for bed, otherwise I can feel too restless. Where's that energy during the day when I need it!?
Last night was terrible. Absolutely annoying. After dinner I used my far infrared sauna for an hour, which is very calming, usually, and then drank water with my doctor's CalmING powder that is designed to calm anxiety and adrenaline. A little later I drank Nighty Night tea, a tea for inducing sleep. It had zero effect on me, when it normally does bring a wave of a tired feeling. Then I rubbed in my nightly dose of progesterone cream, which tends to have a relaxed calming effect. I then took my sleep pills: an herbal and magnesium blend from my doctor, a ziziphus blend from my doctor, phosphatidylserine with choline and inositol, organically grown valerian root, Organic India's Peaceful Sleep, and 6 mg of melatonin. Multiple pills of each of these. This combo is usually just enough to knock me out so I can sleep, and once I'm asleep I typically sleep well on a normal night. Last night, all of these pills didn't work. They didn't phase me.
I laid in bed for hours with very agitated thoughts, high anxiety, and fibromyalgia flares flowing through my legs and arms. My thoughts drifted in and out of dreams, so I could tell my body was trying to sleep, but I kept waking up from the annoyance of my dreams. The "dreams" were very high strung, full of problems, social tension issues, anxiety about getting somewhere on time, etc. I tossed and turned a lot, and at several points considered getting up and avoiding the bed for the rest of the night to avoid the torment.
The worst part was feeling my heart beating with such high intensity ALL night long. Every time I woke up I could feel my heart hitting the mattress like a punching bag. I practiced some deep breathing techniques to calm my heart, but it actually only made my heart beat harder, like I was working out.
Please understand, I spend a lot of time and money on remedies to get me to sleep. If I don't take enough of them, my adrenal glands won't shut off at night and keep me awake. I must overpower my adrenals to sleep.
But last night wasn't a normal night. This was PMS induced, and therefore there may not have been any combination of pills that would have worked for me.
The problem with PMS and my menstrual cycle is that my level of stress through the month seems to have a direct consequence on how intense it's going to be. The more I take on and exhaust myself, the more agitation and irritability during PMS. This month I was too active - I had way more stress than I wanted, more hours at work than I should take, and too many side projects I shouldn't have worried about. I'm paying harshly for it, and I cannot allow this to be normal. I MUST back off and lessen my level of stress.
Let me leave you with this article about the dangers of lacking sleep. I can't stress enough how important sleep is to our entire life - we cannot afford to skip it to get more work done in our life:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleep-newzzz/201603/the-social-and-behavioral-costs-sleeplessness?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)