Where You Live Matters: ND to SC Move Reflections on my Health

Before moving to South Carolina, I had a lot of stability I took for granted while living in North Dakota. I've lost quite a bit of my health here, and I want to write about what was working for me in ND that I don't have here. I'm hoping my insights can help others find ways to live their best lives in their current situations too. 




1. I had security

I'm listing this first because I think it's foundational. It's extremely difficult to work on health when you're feeling insecure about your home, finances, food, and paying the bills. I lost that security when moving to SC, because our finances and tighter and rent for a decent home is way too expensive. We found a house to rent, but we're questioning if we need to move to the bigger city so that I have access to jobs, healthcare, and food. It's hard for me to unpack and feel at home when it won't be long-term, which makes me feel unsettled. Also, this house is simply not in good condition compared to where I was living in ND, and it causes me some insecurities because I'm not used to worrying about the problems of a house this old. 

In North Dakota we lived in my parent's house while they couldn't live in it, so I never had to worry about losing the home if our finances were not good that month. The house was not perfect, but it was very comfortable and in good condition. Our finances were not great there (which is why my husband needed to find a job elsewhere), but I had no reason to worry about being unable to afford what we really needed. 

The stress of living paycheck to paycheck, reducing standards to make ends meet, being unable to purchase much food that works on my diet nearby, being unable to afford doctors and medical care, living with a higher crime rate than I've ever had to worry about before, and living in a place where traffic accidents and death are very high are all very destabilizing for me. I have a lot of reasons to feel stress here. And stress = illness. 





2. Everything I needed was within a 20 minute drive

Bismarck was a basic medium-sized city of around 80k. It didn't have many amenities of larger cities, and it was a 7 hour drive from any larger city (Fargo was 3 hours away, but Fargo doesn't have much.) It did, however, have enough within a short driving distance. This is very important because it's difficult for me to drive far, and I only drive when I'm feeling strong enough and capable enough. I found a job that worked with my health abilities only 7 minutes away from home. I had access to organic food at my job and through two other stores that were 5 minutes away from home (one was a Natural Grocers, which provided the largest selection.) I had access to a phenomenal acupuncturist only a 12 minute drive away. I had access to MDs as needed, only a 7 minute drive away. I had a walking trail behind my house, so no need to drive to it. I had access to 2 restaurants that made meals I could eat on my diet, both within a 7 minute drive. I had access to the best regenerative beef money could buy through my job and they delivered to a location 5 minutes away from my house. Seriously - everything I needed to live comfortably was close. (Now I did have to travel for specialized medical care - but that's normal for most people.) 

Here in Gaffney, SC... I don't have any of that. I can't find a job that works with my needs. There are 3 grocery store options, and 2 of them don't offer much I can eat. The 3rd is Aldi, which is good on my budget when they have things worth buying, but they don't sell everything I need. I can't rely on them. The farmer's market here is tiny, so while I can buy some things there, I can't rely on to meet my needs. There are no acupuncturists in this town, but if I drive 35 minutes north there's a phenomenal acupuncturist. The problem is he's out of my budget and I can't always safely drive 35 minutes at a time. I typically don't do well driving longer than 15 minutes at a time, unless it's a good day and I took the right pills first. There really aren't any restaurants here that make safe food for me - I can get away with eating at 2 places, but I have to cheat on my diet to eat the meals that are mostly safe. As for medical care? I haven't used the local hospital here, but it's a very small town. 

What this means is that I can't be independent here. My husband has to drive us to the bigger city once a week to go buy food, and the grocery options aren't great either. We found a Fresh Market (holy expensive prices, Batman!) and a Publix (better than anything in Gaffney) within a 35 minute drive of home. The farmer's market was great in the summer, but that doesn't help me in the winter. Fresh Market does sell a lot of things I can eat on my diet, but sheesh, it's going to bankrupt me to shop there. (Numi organic deli meat is $8/pack at Earth Fare, and it's $10.99/ pack at Fresh Market.... I mean, seriously... and all their food is marked up like that.) It's honestly better to drive 1 hour away from home to get to an Earth Fare and Whole Foods, both of which are cheaper (even considering the gas to drive there.) Yes, Whole Foods is cheaper - not joking. Actually Whole Foods isn't that expensive, it's just easy to spend your whole paycheck there because they have so much worth buying! Anyway... I'm alone and isolated here Gaffney, totally reliant on my husband to be able to help me get what we need. 




3. I had a job - a GOOD job 

This one is HUGE. I think I knew it while I was living there and working, but I don't think I realized the full extent of how helpful it was for me. I had a job working in a place that aligned with my needs, values, world view, and health. It paid me some money, even though I couldn't work many hours. Most importantly, it gave me a sense of purpose. I felt like, despite my poor health and inability to do much, it allowed me to feel like I was contributing to society and a better world. It gave meaning to my life. It gave me a community to be part of. It helped me socialize. It allowed me to spend my limited energy in a useful way. These things were super important. SUPER IMPORTANT. 

Being unable to find a job that works with my needs is a huge punch to the gut here. It has caused me a lot of insecurities, depression, despair, and feelings of worthlessness. Poor emotional health makes it very difficult to manage physical health. I lost a lot by moving here. 

I worked for Terry's Health Products in Bismarck. Check them out and support them! Such an amazing small local business, and they will ship! 

4. Family

My family moved back to North Dakota. My husband's family is all in North Dakota. Having family nearby is very important. Family gives community, connection, support, love, hope... family is everything. 

Suddenly being far from family is... lonely. It feels a little like death, in a way. Sure, we have phones, but it's not the same as living nearby and experiencing the same life. 

Mom is so good to me, and so awesome!

5. North Dakota was not as moldy as South Carolina

Mold is a way of life here. It's everywhere I go. The humidity is high, it rains a lot, buildings are old and in poor condition, people aren't educated enough to realize it's a health problem, and the soil itself is moldy. I'm allergic to mold. In fact, mold is one of my root causes of my all health issues (the other was H1N1/ Swine Flu.) I'm literally living a place that's poisonous to me. 

North Dakota weather could lead to mold damage in buildings and homes. Summer humidity could be high, though not as high as here. Excess snow could lead to moisture damage in buildings not prepared for it. The house I was living in did have external mold problems that had to be remediated. I had a mold scare there, but it wasn't as severe as anything here. Not everywhere was moldy in ND. Here pretty much everywhere I go is moldy. 

Kindling Health: Source of Mold - My Reaction (kindlingheatlh.blogspot.com)

6. North Dakota allergens were nothing compared to South Carolina allergens

Okay so I did have some allergy issues in North Dakota - it's an agricultural state that grows a lot of corn and wheat, and I'm allergic to both. That wasn't a problem in the city though. There were a few trees and grasses there that caused me some allergies, but overall I was able to get a handle on my allergies there. Actually it wasn't much of an issue in the last few years. My naturopathic doctor helped me a lot, and my lifestyle changes meant I reacted a lot less to allergens. 

But South Carolina? Wow. The thick yellow layer of pollen on everything was really intense for me. Add that to high humidity, high heat, and bugs EVERYWHERE. So. Many. Bugs. I'm honestly not looking forward to my first spring here... I hate dealing with the bloody noses, excess congestion, itchy eyes, cough and sore throat, hives and rashes... 

Wait, what?: Sept. 12, 2013 (waitwaitwhatwhat.blogspot.com)


7. I had to learn a new place, and the learning curve is exhausting 

When you have ME/CFS, it's really important not to create new stress. I learned Bismarck, and I was able to keep up with changes there. Learning this new town, new region, and new state has been really tiring for me. The little things add up and cause big problems in ME/CFS: poor sense of direction leads to confusion and inability to learn streets, not being able to remember where something was, trying to remember names of all these things places, and so on. Poor cognitive function and memory is a hallmark of ME/CFS - I do a lot better remembering old information than I do retaining new information. I need to invest time into understanding new information, and I need to read about it a lot over time until it becomes solid in my brain. So I just need time to learn this place... 

And then there's learning the culture - the big picture, and all the smaller communities. Gaffney itself is considered "Deep South," which is a culture, not a location. The big towns nearby are not "Deep South," and there's quite an obvious cultural difference. A lot of it makes sense, and a lot of it is new to me... and learning how people here think has been a mental exercise for me. 

Moving to a place where people hit your mailbox with a baseball bat while they drive by. They throw their beer and soda cans into your yard as they drive by. There are no laws against smoking anywhere outside. There's no regulations on the types of vehicles that can drive on roads. It's.... an adjustment. I will never take for granted when people respect each other... 

Walk A Mile In My Shoes With Me

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

We are conditioned to be productive, consume, be productive, and consume. It's a never-ending cycle. 

It is a bad cycle? Not necessarily. We have to work for our food, whether we grow it ourselves, forage and hunt for it, or work for money with which to buy it. Whatever system we rule our lands with must focus on the daily need to eat food. 

So what happens when a person becomes too sick to work for their food? Well... this is a scary question, and perhaps one of entitlement. 

In the far past there were 2 options:

1. These people would simply just die. Survival of the fittest.

2. Their families would keep them safe and feed them as long as possible, assuming they had families who could afford to. This very much depended on class and circumstances. If the family were peasants, vs if the family were nobility. 

Today, we pretend to have a more humane approach to chronic illness:

The government offers assistance, which all of the working class pays for through taxes (not by their choice.) This assistance includes a monthly monetary stipend, discount on medical care though basic insurance, and discounts or stipends on food. The trouble is, the assistance isn't enough. If they're single and have to live alone, best case scenario, people will qualify for section 8 government assisted housing. Have you seen those properties? They're often apartments in really poor condition full of black mold, which will keep people very sick. 

If you fail to benefit from this government assistance (not because you don't deserve it, but because you fell through the cracks in the system), you're forced to rely on your family to feed you or you're forced to work for money despite bad health. 

The problem with family is that they're not always supportive, and they often issue conditions on their help. I've read so many horror stories from people desperate for help who try to rely on family support, but end up more stressed and burdened than if they were homeless. This is usually because families don't have enough money to support the sick person, or because the families are full of skeptics who don't believe it's possible to be so sick. 

The problem with trying to work for enough money to support yourself during illness is that it's usually impossible. No, not just difficult. Actually impossible. The reason for this is that it's hard to get hired, and then it's hard to keep a job because sick people are unreliable and unable to advance. Another problem is that most sick people are unable to get hired for positions that pay well enough to even afford rent. They might have degrees or skills, but be unable to function well enough to use their skills. So they're forced to look for easier work that pays less. Right now it's hard enough for fully healthy and capable adults to earn enough money to afford life - it's that much harder for sick people. 

The Awkward Yeti

We need to be able to find hope in our doctors and scientists. We want to be healed. The trouble is, these chronic illnesses aren't treatable by doctors. At best doctors know how to manage symptoms with medications, or do surgery to reduce the source of the problem. If you're someone that is able to work full-time because of medication, you're lucky. 



Some of us find help from alternative medicine because it teaches us lifestyle choices that prevent causes of illnesses from continuing to keep us sick. But it often just gives us quality of life while living with the illness, and doesn't always heal us enough to be able to work full-time again. This is fantastic! But many illnesses are too complicated even for these natural methods. It's also a very expensive method just to improve quality of life, not necessarily recover enough to live life fully.

So there's really no good solution here. And that's why so many people with chronic illnesses give up and commit suicide. If our society doesn't allow for survival of the fittest to play out naturally, then people will take matters into their own hands and kill themselves. Is this humane? 

I do see a solution to all these problems, but it requires a paradigm shift in society. The solution is in building stronger, happier, and better supported families. We've built a society in which people are individuals, and each person must earn enough money to support their own needs. We really need to move away from this society of individualism, and instead build a society in which families can thrive. This might look like being able to live on a single-income again. It might look like keeping houses in the family, and multiple generations living together. It might look like moving away from big cities and forming smaller self-sustaining communities again. It might look like living with less luxury - we stop living like entitled nobles and start living like peasants again. 

The root of the problem is that managing a chronic illness is always a team effort, never an individual's burden. Society needs to have a structure that allows for people having hard times. We need safeguards against chronic illness and homelessness. A society that thrives on a family structure means everyone should have a family to rely on. People will always fall through the cracks, and there should always be assistance available for those people. But if families could afford to take care sick loved ones without going bankrupt, we'd have a MUCH stronger society with much less stress. 

Until we build that society... we have to take our responsibility to each other very seriously. We need to make choices that don't cause other people to get sick. We need to learn to love each other again. Every person has value. Every person deserves to live. It can be as simple as choosing to stop smoking in public. Choosing to stop using synthetic fragrances. Choose to avoid plastic as much as possible. Choose to reduce stress on others when possible. Choose peace over conflict when possible. Choose understanding over being right. Choose to stop feeding sugar to each other. Choose to stop using unhealthy oils in foods. Choose to cook at home more. Choose to eat dinner together. Choose to create more opportunities to rest and relax. Choose to find time to worship and foster faith together. Choose to be a community. Choose to care about each other. 

Am I being idealistic? Well, someone needs to be.. because practical solutions haven't been working. 

Afterall... is the fact that people with chronic illnesses struggle to live in this society their own fault for getting sick in the first place, or is it a society problem that we can't offer them a place in the world? 

We need to stop people with chronic illnesses from thinking suicide is their only option. 

The value of human life is not in the ability to earn money. 

Eivor - In My Shoes

It can take a long, long time

To find a reason and a rhyme

One minute you're dancing, wild and free

Next thing you know, you can hardly move your feet

Won't you, won't you wait for me?

I'm almost there, have faith in me

You say you know what I should do

But you have never walked a mile

In my shoes

I keep trudging up the hill

It feels like I'm standing still (standing still)

Pouring rain soaks to the bone

I shield my eyes and lean into the bitter cold

Won't you, won't you wait for me?

I'm almost there, have faith in me (faith in me)

You say you know what I should do

But you have never walked a mile (walked a mile, walked a mile)

In my shoes

Loving Someone With Energy Illness Means You Can't Fix Everything

There is a time and place for fixing problems. And then there is a time and place for acceptance and love despite problems. 

The average healthy person tends to value the ability to always fix problems and improve their life. They regularly ask themselves how they can be better to improve their happiness, life satisfaction, and relationships. 

The average healthy person has a full time job in which they are required to hone their skills, envision ways to be better at their work, and learn new methods. Working on self-betterment to be able to stay relevant, compete, and earn promotions is expected in a good professional. 

Human nature is competitive. It's meant to be healthy. It's meant to challenge us to do better and evolve. 

What happens when a person becomes sick with an energy illness that makes them unable to participate in self-betterment and healthy competition? 

Well, most people assume they are lazy. Laziness, being defined as the lack of interest in participating in responsibilities. Laziness is a real problem in the world, but it's usually due some other underlying problem. People aren't naturally lazy, but they can feel so bored, underwhelmed, useless, and meaningless that they lose interest in doing responsibilities. That's an entirely different problem to physical illness. 

What happens to the person with an energy illness (CFS/ME, POTS, Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia, chronic poisoning, certain types of cancer, etc) is that they don't lose the desire to manage responsibilities and participate in self-betterment, but instead they lose the ability. They lose the ability to spend energy on anything other than moment-to-moment survival. Simply just staying alive. This becomes a major source of frustration. 

Other people, who don't understand their illness, can increase their frustrations by doing one specific thing: Trying to fix their problem of not growing into a better, stronger, more skilled person each day. Telling a person with ME/CFS to get up off their lazy butt and do something to make them feel like a productive human being is the WORST advice they can give. Instead of inspiring them, it drains them and leaves them feeling more sick. 

I can promise you that that the vast majority of people with energy illnesses really do want to fully participate in life. They want to live, not stay in survival mode in bed most days. Telling them to stop taking care of themselves by conserving energy needed to stay alive, and instead spend that energy on doing something to feel productive, actually makes them feel worse. 

If you want to love someone with an energy illness, you need to stay present with them and allow them to feel like they are enough. Allowing them to feel like they are safe with you and you will not drain their limited energy is the most helpful thing you can do. When they feel safe, secure, and loved without conditions, they will not spend their limited energy feeling guilt, shame, and useless. Instead, they might feel inspired to do their best without hurting themselves. Any extra energy they have could be put to use in a healing way. 

If you want to love someone with an energy illness, don't talk about fixing their problems unless they say they can handle it (and be prepared to stop talking as soon as they say they can't talk more about it.) What healthy people don't understand is that making plans and resolving to do something takes a lot of energy. It requires imagining yourself doing it, which is an action that can drain energy for people with energy illnesses. Also, saying a problem needs to be fixed implies that the status-quo can't continue, which is a source of stress for people with energy illnesses. The best thing you can do to love a person with an energy illness is to not bring problems to their attention, unless it's a problem they need to be involved in resolving, and then do it gently. 

Of course these energy illnesses are on a spectrum. ME/CFS has a wide range of severity. Every person will have a different energy level and tolerance. Each person has a different personality too. I think naturally extroverted people who used to thrive on accomplishing things before getting sick have the hardest time with these illnesses. They might not tell you how tired they really feel, and they might ignore how little energy they really have. 

But no matter how severe their illness is, they need to know they're safe to live and act with only the limited amount of energy they have. They need to not be judged for it. They need to feel supported and loved. Remember, they would be participating fully in life if they could. It's not fair, and if you point out to them that you wish they would do and be better, it makes their lives even harder. 

The Latest Kate

PC Video Games for those with ME/CFS

I want to talk about PC video games!

Before reading: 

If you have severe ME/CFS then do not game. All games will be unhealthy for you, I'm sorry. This list is best for people with Mild-Moderate ME/CFS. Meaning, might have 4+ hours of usable light energy per day, but need to stay restful most of the time or you'll be back in bed recovering. I'm in the mild-moderate category. I tend to have 3-6 hours of usable energy most days, and that's my perspective on this list. 


ME/CFS means really low energy, meaning it can be hard to do enjoyable things. Video games CAN be a great way to feel like I'm accomplishing things, even when it's hard to get out of bed. They can help me feel like I'm living without leaving my bed. The best part about video games is that they activate my brain when I'm physically tired, and even when I have brain fog the right game can help me pass the time. They do reduce boredom, and they can make me feel like I'm still smart (even when my brain is mush.) They can also be a great way to experience a story in a more active way than watching TV, and with less complications than attempting to comprehend books.

The trouble is, many video games require so much energy that they'll cause me to crash. I absolutely must avoid heavy action games and timed games. (I was good at action games before I got sick...) They drain me and I have to recover from playing them, which is the opposite of why I play them. I play them to keep my brain occupied while I'm recovering from real life exertion. 

So I want to share PC games that have been great for me to play, and many of these will play well on a laptop in bed. I'm choosing to focus on PC because most of the games I'm recommending can be played on a newer laptop, which you're more likely to already own. Also, it's a lot easier to make slow-paced PC games vs console games. There are loads of games that require only a mouse. Console games usually need to focus on action, and I'm avoiding action games in this blog. 

I buy my games on both Steam and GOG (and GOG is fantastic for budget gamers.) I'm not going to deep-dive into the games, just give highlights. You can go to Steam or GOG to explore them further if you're interested. I just want to show you games I've personally played that are worth considering if you need something to do to pass the time.

A little more on GOG.com: They focus on selling older classic PC games at really reasonable prices. You can always find some great classic game for less than $5 there, so if you're interested in trying PC games to help you manage your time feeling sick and tired in bed with this illness, then this is the most affordable site to buy your games from. Also, the great thing about playing older games is that they don't have high demands on computing power. Older and cheaper laptops can play many games on GOG. 

Heroes of Might and Magic 3 (NOT the HD edition)

Stress level: None




Features:
- Probably any laptop or computer can play it
- Only need a mouse
- Turn-based strategy, full of easy exploration and low-key city management. 
- Nothing is timed or urgent, so play at your own pace. You can easily take breaks at any time. 
- Highly rewarding gameplay. Features lots of small and large victories to feel good about.
- Visually easy. No stimulating graphics or sensory issues. 
- Extremely repayable, with an initial low-moderate learning curve. 
- Satisfying to play even when you're playing poorly and you will lose the game.

Cons:
- It has the potential to be difficult

This 1997 game is old school, but the gameplay is timeless, like chess. The most important part of this game for me is the Random Map feature, which is not included in the HD edition. In fact, I exclusively play the random maps these days. All the other games in the series do not have good Random Map gameplay - it's unique to this game. They're all good games if you want to play campaigns, but they can be really hard and frustrating if you're not mentally sharp. 


Dorf Romantik

Stress level: None




Features:
- It's a newer game, but most laptops and PCs should be able play it
- Only need a mouse
- Very easy to learn and play
- Simple jigsaw-like puzzle that is possible while feeling brain-dead
- Visually pleasing, so you can see your choices create something beautiful 
- Creative, with different modes depending on your mood
- Endlessly replayable! 
- Designed to be an anti-anxiety game with very calming music 
- Very little to focus on. Not much to remember as you play. 

Cons:
- Those with OCD might get very very aggravated, even angry, by the mismatched pieces you're forced to use. 

Sometimes I find this game a little too mindless, so I avoid it when I'm feeling a little stronger. It's awesome to play when I'm feeling anxious. It's incredible how calming it is! It's also really satisfying and I can easily play it for hours when I'm exhausted. 


Monument Valley

Stress level: None




Features:
- It's a newer game, but probably most laptops can play it
- Only need a mouse
- Low learning curve, most puzzles are not too difficult
- Visually fascinating, but not too stimulating.
- Anti-anxiety, but also interesting and engaging 
- A low-key emotional expression of sad feelings visualized in a puzzle game

Cons:
- It can be so relaxing that it makes me sleepy, then suddenly I find myself in a challenging puzzle and can't move forward without waking up a little. 
- Rare puzzles that require some timing, but they're not difficult and don't induce adrenaline.
- Not meant to be replayed, once you beat the puzzles you probably won't want to again

I think it's a beautiful and captivating game, but certainly feels dreamy. It will not help me wake up. And if you need to stay restful with the ability to fall asleep, that's a helpful thing. 



Point-and-click adventure games (genre)
Games include: The Longet Journey, Monkey Island series, Chains of Satinav and Memoria, Syberia series, Broken Sword series, The Grim Fandago, Atlantis, Mysterious Island, Myst, Riven

Stress level: None (Usually - occasional exceptions of low stress)

The Longest Journey - from 1999, but the incredible story makes up for the old graphics

Chains of Satinav

Pros:
- Most of these games are older and most laptops could play them (a couple newer games will require specific graphic requirements that might be too much for a laptop)
- No combat
- Play only with a mouse (usually)
- Play at your own pace and pause whenever you want
- Voice acting, not a lot of reading for a story-rich game
- Easy to find solutions to hard puzzles online, so you don't need to get stuck
- Very easy learning curve
- Basically just a visual novel where you need to solve puzzles to advance the story

Cons:
- Pretty much none, except for the occasional game including one or two abnormal things like controlling a car with your keyboard or making you do a simple/ easy timed task. 
- Not repayable, unless you want to relive the story all over again, so once you're done you're done

This genre of games is honestly the best for people with ME who need something creative and interesting to engage with. They usually have no stress of taking action or doing something timed (Monkey Island has one or two quick things, but they're not stressful to do.) There is no combat. They're just visual novels in which you control a character as the story progresses by solving puzzles. They also are played with only a mouse, so you can keep your arms in a restful position while playing. 

Fans of stories, who maybe can't comprehend a book well, would enjoy these games. They're very visual and allow you take all the time you need to understand what you're looking at. They move slower than a movie because they move at your own pace.

I will note that some newer point-and-click adventure games, such as the two newest entries in the Syberia series, require a keyboard and mouse to control. Many people were unhappy with the change, because they wanted a point-and-click style like the previous games. That said, it takes a little more energy and coordination to play them, but they still have all the benefits of a slow story-driven puzzle game. 


House Flipper

Stress level: None to Low, but with potential frustrations

If you want to clean this up and make this room look pretty, then this game is for you

Pros:
- Doesn't require high computer power, but older laptops might not handle it
- It's very easy
- Highly creative
- Rewarding and strong sense of accomplishment 
- Low graphics, so not that stimulating 

Cons:
- Although the game has a great concept, the gameplay is clucky 
- Meant to be a creative experience, but the choices are too limited 
- Simple game, but requires keyboard and mouse to play

It's a good concept of a game, and I did put many hours into it. It's a simulation in which you buy houses, then flip them. So you do things like clean, paint, tear down walls, build new walls, furnish homes, design spaces... it's really relaxing and fun, but I did get frustrated because I couldn't easily get measurements right and things wouldn't always align. I would have a vision for a space I created, but couldn't find furniture that fit the space properly. But if you're feeling a little like I often feel (blah, just need something to do where my actions don't matter much) then this game is a good way to pass the time. If you try to be a perfectionist it will drive you crazy in some points. 



Turn-based tactics games: Expeditions: Conquistadors & Vikings and Divinity: Original Sin 1 & 2

Stress level: Low for experienced gamers, learning curve could initially cause medium to high stress for newer gamers

Expeditions: Vikings, during a battle

Divinity: Original Sin 2, during battle

Pros:
- A lot of fun and reward for relaxed and slow game play
- Turn-based, so you can play slowly at your own pace and think
- Rich stories and characters, with voice acting to help you (as opposed to only reading)
- The difficulty isn't stressful, but instead mentally engaging
- Full of adventure to get your mind off reality and feel like you're living 
- Best for experienced gamers needing a challenge without adrenaline 
- Although these aren't meant to be replayed, they are fun to play a 2nd time

Cons:
- Will need a more powerful laptop or a good desktop PC to play
- Higher learning curve, and not as brain-fog friendly, but fun when you're just tired
- Come with some challenging puzzles

- Visually rich with lots to look at, could be too stimulating for some
- Need a mouse and keyboard to play
- Moments of intensity, but not necessarily adrenaline-inducing

Warning:
- These games do feature some mature themes, especially in the Divinity Games. The Divinity games try to be comical and light hearted, so some mature jokes are thrown in.

These games are a lot of fun, especially because they don't create much stress to play them while having a lot to do and engage with. They feature a lot of combat, but it's all turn-based on a grid system. You can be slow and thoughtful, treating combat like a puzzle instead of an action sequence.

They're more engaging than most other types of games on this blog, though, so be aware that they might come across as overwhelming. Experienced gamers won't feel so overwhelmed by them. Actually, they're good for experienced gamers craving that "hardcore" experience without getting drained by playing something actually "hardcore." 

There are more games in this genre, but I haven't played them to be able to comment on them. Banner Saga and Xcom come to mind, but I really don't know if they're safe to suggest. 



Maybe: CRPGs (genre)
Games include: Arcanum, Nox, Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale, Pillars of Eternity, Pathfinder, Tyranny, Temple of Elemental Evil, Torment... (Many of these, but not all, are Dungeons and Dragons games.)

Stress level: Low to Medium due to combat (can control the difficulty settlings.)

Tyranny - A game in which you have to play an evil villain, and it's fun

Pillars of Eternity 2

Pros:
- The older games should run well on a decent laptop
- Pause-system for combat
- Play mostly with the mouse, keyboard requirements are easy
- Good for experienced gamers who need something more engaging
- Rich worlds that help you escape reality and feel accomplished 
- Can adjust game settings for an easy to difficult gaming experience (they allow for players who just want to enjoy the world and don't want the stress of hard gameplay)

Cons:
- The newer games will have more demanding computer requirements 
- Pause-system for combat is a little more taxing than turn-based
- There's a medium learning curve for this genre, but once you learn how they work the learning curve is fairly low for most games in the genre.
- Not a good entry point for new gamers
- Tend to be rich in combat, which is fun for some, and stressful for others
- Tends to be a lot of reading, even when there is voice acting

Warning: 
- These games tend to have a mature rating and can feature the violence and brutality of war, but Torment and Tyranny feature the most that I have seen.

These are story-based role playing games that play out in real time, but allow you to pause at all times. Nothing is timed, but you do have to be sharp enough to pay attention to when to pause to give your characters instructions. Some games will let you program when the game auto-pauses for you, which makes it a lot easier to manage. When I'm feeling mentally sharp enough I really enjoy this type of game because I find them engaging and interesting, and the action management is simple enough (but I understand how the games work.) The stories, the choices you have to make, and the exploration of worlds is a great escape for me. These games never feel tedious or too much for me - but I also understand them. These games would be hard to learn if you're mentally tired or full of brain fog, but that's why I suggested games like Dorf Romantik first, because you can play that in any mental state.

They are typically isometric, meaning a top-down view on the world and characters. I like this because it helps me feel in control instead of in sensory overload. That said, these games are designed for more advanced types of gamers, but you can play them on easy modes.

These games do, however, require a lot of reading. A LOT. And comprehending what you read is important because you do have to make choices based on what you read, and choices do have consequences in these games. So these games are good when you have enough mental energy for a story and challenging quests, but need to let your body rest.

I struggle with the reading element... I enjoy reading, and the stories in these games are really rich and you're never going to feel it wasn't worth reading anything. But, sometimes, I read and read and read and still don't fully understand what I just read. This is why I struggle with books too. Focusing on the visual things to do is way easier for me. Thankfully, you can get through these games without reading everything. The most important dialogue has voice acting to listen to instead. 

Note: I really didn't like Pathfinder. It had a lot of potential, but it has a horrible kingdom management system that actually caused me to lose the game without doing anything wrong. Other people loved it though, so I won't say much more. 

Note: Baldur's Gate 2 is one of my favorite games of all time. 

Note: Arcanum is old and a little clunky, but I've played it 3 times over the years. It's a gem. Really rewarding experience. 

Note: I'm currently playing Tyranny after it went on sale on GOG for $10. I'm surprised by how much fun it is to play an evil character in this game. I almost always play a good character in these games, but honestly... I'm laughing at how much fun it is to be evil in this game. It doesn't take itself too seriously. So far the game mechanics are easy - there's less to micromanage than similar games of this genre. 

Note: I strongly recommend against the game "Age of Decadence." You will probably see it suggested if you search this genre of games. It's strictly meant for hardcore gamers - NOT for people like us who have to battle feeling fatigued while we play. I played 1 hour of it and hated it. I had no tolerance for that level of difficulty. 

Games I Don't Recommend for ME/CFS, even though they seem like they might be good:

(But if you know yourself well enough to know you can tolerate some adrenaline and action sometimes, then you might enjoy these games, because they're still much lower action than most games on consoles.) 

- JRPGS like Final Fantasy, Octopath Traveler, YS, Tales Of..., etc. 
While these games actually could be fine for people with only mild to moderate ME/CFS, I don't want to recommend something with action sequences, timed events, or adrenaline-inducing sequences. Even though they tend to feature turn-based combat and mostly calm experiences, there's still a lot of fast-paced action involved. 

Octopath Traveler - I really adore this game!

- First Person Perspective RPGS like Elderscrolls Games (Skyrim) 
While there are plenty of low-stress and relaxing things to do in these games, and they're a lot of fun, they have too much action. Sometimes the action isn't hard, but there are always moments of intensity that will cause adrenaline rushes. The problem is that games like Skyrim start out difficult, but it doesn't take long before they're easy to play... and once you reach that point it can be incredibly relaxing to wander around the world just enjoying interacting with it. The problem will always be that combat is in first-person and in real-time, which automatically triggers some level of an adrenaline response. 

- Real-time isometric strategy games like Age of Empires, Sim City, Anno, Warcraft, and the like. 
While they seem relaxed because they focus on building cities.... they're not relaxed at all. There's always threats that requires you to be on high alert. This is bad for the nervous system of those with ME/CFS. 

- King's Bounty. I hesitated on putting this on a "maybe" list, but you know what... no. Because the combat is turn-based and low stress, but exploring the world requires a fast response time and quick action. I found myself getting amped up to run away from fights that I knew I couldn't handle. But again, if you can handle some low-level of adrenaline in games, then this would probably work for you.

Games that are probably great that I haven't played:

- Farming simulators, like Stardew Valley and Harvest Moon. 
- Terranil, which is a low-stress anti-anxiety like Dorfromantik
- Islanders, a low-stress creative puzzle game

- Civilization, Endless Legend, and other Hex-Grid games. I have briefly tried them, and couldn't get into them, but they are a low-stress style of gameplay.
- Fez, which is a no-combat action game without consequences. I own it, but haven't tried it yet. 

Do you have suggestions? Please leave a comment below!

Coming up next... mobile and console games...