Monday, April 22, 2019

Planning is Impossible

It's too early for my period to begin, about 10 days too early, but I'm in full blown PMS feeling like I'll begin the cycle at any moment. This is horrendous timing. If I'm this early this month, then I'll probably start my period while I'm traveling next month. It will ruin the entire *expensive* trip. Why did I schedule the trip so close to my period? I had no way to predict what would happen. I was very late the last two months. I had limited options of when I would be able to go due to my husband's schedule. I just had to guess on when would be a safe time to go.

Blood pressure is 89/57, pulse hovering around 100.

Sleep? I had nightmares all week when I was actually asleep. Last night I was finally exhausted enough that I got 9 hours of sleep, but I woke up feeling worse than every other day with poor sleep this week. My acupuncturist explained that my liver qi is rising, causing the nightmares.

I feel like I'm anemic - anemic on blood, life force, will to live... I'm just so weak today, physically and mentally.

I'm so tired of stressing over my body's problems lining up with my life plans. I can never stop worrying. I can never trust that I'll be able to participate in anything in my future.

In the words of Freddie Mercury, sometimes I wish I had never been born at all.
Why did God design our bodies so that we could suffer so often and to such a great amount? This is my cross to bear. I could be suffering just as badly in other ways. I could live in a war torn country learning to live with constant death all around me. Instead, I was born into a very stable loving situation. My suffering is just constant physical pain and exhaustion. But it's enough to drive me to insanity. To live with constant grief over missing out on my one and only chance to fully live life is enough to drive me to insanity.


Anyway, I really need to delay this period. I need to it at least start when it's supposed to. It simply cannot be early.

I'm going to try doubling my progesterone cream amount, and I'm going to take a Chinese herb blend (called Twin Sages) that is for stopping excessive bleeding. It has the type of ginseng in it that can help delay periods. We'll see if it works.

I'll probably end up getting stuck in this level of extreme fatigue and moodiness for the next 10 days if actually works. That's better than starting my period early next month while traveling.


I have the feeling that the best time of my life will be post-menopause. Then I'll give the middle finger to endometriosis and live spontaneously.

I am one of the most suppressed versions of myself. I wonder what kind of life I'm living in alternative realities where endometriosis, POTS, chemical and environmental sensitivities, chronic fatigue, anxiety, and depression don't control me? I wonder how many children I'd have, what kind of career I'd have, how many times I would have climbed Mt. Everest, how many books I would have written...

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Dear Organic Clothing Brands,

Coupon codes
Satva: FRIEND-W5NKDQS (Good until May 15th, 2019)
Pact: http://fbuy.me/iAufr



Dear organic and natural clothing companies,


First of all, recycled polyester is not organic or natural. It's not even sustainable. Plastic sustains until the end of time, but it breaks down to forms we can't use anymore, washes out of our clothes as micro plastics and gets into the water, then ends up in the fish we eat, so then it ends up in us and causes estrogen hormone disruption. Please stop treating recycled polyester as an organic fabric addition - it isn't!

Should I even get into the problem how many us with sensitivities cannot tolerate polyester on our skin? The reason I wear organic is to get away from the added chemicals and synthetic fabrics that my skin doesn't like. Polyester gives me horrendously awful body odor with a rash. It's so bad I gag myself on the body odor. My skin gets super tender and uncomfortable to touch, and then slimy too. My skin does its best to get polyester away from it.

Pact, I'm looking at you more than any other brand I'm frustrated with, mostly because I've loved you for years. You used to never use polyester at all, now you have way too many options with polyester. Most of your men's line contains polyester. Why? Why would you exclude men from having 100% organic cotton options like you do in your women's line? There are natural textile alternatives you should be using, especially considering your slogan, "Make organic an unnecessary adjective." Polyester doesn't fit that slogan at all.

Second, stop assuming all of your customers do yoga or are athletic. Some of us don't have the bodies we want for whatever perfectly valid and politically correct reason, and we don't really want to show off our butts and stomachs in overly fitted clothes. I have endometriosis, which causes me to bloat badly. I'd rather not call attention to my bloat with tight or overly fitted clothes. Some brands have gone the opposite extreme of making oversized baggy options. I don't want to look like a potato sack either! I have no problem with you offering plenty of athletic skin tight options for those with the bodies or desire to wear it, but please remember the average person wants their clothes to flatter them, not show off their flaws. Would it be possible to buy a pair of sweat pants with a bootcut and a thick enough and just loose enough fabric that doesn't show off every dimple in the butt? A pair of pants without any of that recycled polyester crap? Why not replace it with hemp or tencel or bamboo? Because I've been actively looking for that pair of pants for years. Maggie's has done the best job so far with this pant (due to the thickness, and can be sized up for a more relaxed and just as secure fit), but the length is too long and the hem is very difficult redo myself.

Third, I'm all for being fashionable... but why does that have to mean making so many options that show cleavage? Do you know how hard it is to find an organic cotton short sleeve tunic/ shirt tail cut that actually covers my butt (from the tight yoga pants your forced me to buy because there are not other options) without a super low cut neck line? Well you should know since you make the clothes! Maybe the super low necklines don't matter so much for the A and B cup ladies who can find an organic fabric sports bra to fit them, like on your models. But for the rest of us with average or large busts... could we please have modesty?

Let me take this point even further. We all have different bodies, but every band seems to be catering to the same body type. Most tunic center back lengths are around 27". (I know because I've spent hours researching the length on every organic tunic I can find.) I have a long torso and short legs, so I need a 30" center back length for the tunic to actually look like a tunic on me. 31" would be awesome too. I would wear tunics/ high-low hems if only I could find one that's long enough!

Speaking of men's issues, please stop with this snug shoulder width problem. If XL fits everywhere else just right, why are the shoulders always too tight? Because of the "modern fit" and "slim fit" issue. I don't need it to be slim in the shoulders! It's nice not have to excess fabric hanging off in the back, but why does that automatically mean as tight as possible in the shoulders?

Fourth, bras. Seriously, why in the world hasn't any brand filled this need!? I'm ready to fundraise money so I can start making brass myself. MANY women are 29 DD+ in size. I'm a 34DDD. It's impossible to find any sports bra made from natural fibers that actually fits us larger busted women. I've settled on this t-shirt Natori bra made from modal. There is no polyester that gives me skin irritation, and it fits well. But it's seriously the ONLY bra I've been able to find that works for me... and it's not a natural or organic fiber bra. Modal is borderline natural and my skin tolerates it, so good enough. But what about sports bras? Nope. Can't find any options. There are brands making great options if you're humble-size chested. Tasc, Boody, and Pact make great bras without polyester added. But none of them are designed for anyone over a D cup. Please, for the love of comfort and dignity, one of you brands cater to the rest of us ladies!

Fifth, stop making most of your pants as short ankle pants or long 32" inseams. In fact, can we move towards the way men's pants are sized (well, in conventional fabric pants)? I would love to be able to choose my waste size and inseam. If I'm going to spend $80 on a pair of pants, I shouldn't have to hem it or limit what shoes and socks I wear with it due to being short. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and the S, M, L, XL sizes with no choice of inseam is awful. Even the petite, regular, and long choices have too big of a difference between them! I was looking at pants that came in 28", 31", and 34". Um... too short and too long! Where is my 29.5 to 30" option?

My husband has a couple fit issues too. He has short legs, and needs a 29" inseam. 30" is too long and requires hemming or rolling up, but there are no organic pant options in a 29" inseam! In fact, men's organic pants have a *major* issue with not actually offering different inseam lengths. Most brands only offer their pants in 32" inseam lengths... way too long!

Lastly, color choices and patterns... are rare! If I wanted all of my shirts, pants, and dresses to be solid black then I'd be happy. Black looks bad on me. My skin is pale and my hair is brown - black washes me out. I want color! I want green, purple, blue, salmon, magenta, dark orange, violet... and I want them in prints or patterns! Almost all of the tops I own are solid colors because that's all that was offered, and they're mostly blue, because blue is the main color being offered (that isn't black or white.) Sigh. Try looking for a green 100% organic cotton t-shirt. Last I checked, Pact was the only brand offering it - and they didn't offer it for a long time. Try finding a green 100% organic 3/4th sleeve high-low/ shirt tail hem with a modest boat neck. It doesn't exist anywhere, I looked. All I'm asking for are options, please. Stop trying to be so basic all the time.



I want to commend some brands that are getting it right. Sometimes. Or mostly. Or good enough. Better than everyone else, at least?

Toad and Co's Earthworks Pants. Organic cotton with tencel, under $100 SRP, and you can find it at clearance prices. Tencel (from the eucalyptus tree) does what polyester does: prevents the wrinkles and helps with drape. Without destroying our water or hormones. Awesome! I know there have been some concern about the chemicals required to turn it into a textile, but I'm sensitive and have had no issues with the tencel in this brand. They have a bit of issue with size consistency. I own three of these pants and they fit differently. One is a skinny ankle pant, the other is full length and straight cut, and the other is full length and practically boot cut. I ordered the exact same style each time, I didn't go for the skinny or wide leg options. Hmm.

Toad and Co is also the best company for finding organic options with prints and designs. They do offer a lot of synthetic options too, so you have to be careful and read the fabric composition. They tend to be a little too expensive, but their clothes often end up on liquidation sites likes Sierra Trading Post and Camp Saver. Amazon sells many of their clothes, but not all, and often not at the lowest clearance price.

Pact Organic (in general). They have gone through too many big changes over the years, but I can usually (not always) rely on them for affordable enough well made basics. They make clothes the right way: small batches. When they come out with a new style, you better buy it quickly if you like it. They do offer amazing clearance sales, but that one shirt you loved may sell out before it reaches clearance. I normally just shop their sales, but I have occasionally splurged on a full price item just to make sure I get it.

They have done a really good job with the cut and fit of their clothes, and I'm never guessing about which size to order. Their underwear is all I wear - it's the best! It fits my wide hip size, doesn't ride up, doesn't sag, doesn't curl, doesn't wear out quickly... it's just perfect. Ironically, they offer lots of prints and patterns for underwear, but no longer do on their t-shirts. (Pact, if you read this, I miss your prints on your outerwear clothes!)

Gramicci's hemp and cotton mix tops. Simply awesome. The fabric is very lightweight and breathable, but not sheer or flimsy. It holds shape very well. I do have one hemp/cotton long sleeve shirt from them that is thicker than their summer options. Hemp is an amazing textile, much sturdier and less stretchy than cotton, also tends to be more breathable. My complaint with the brand is that their medium tends to be a little too snug, and their large tends to be a little too large. You will need to be careful with sizing.

I've tried several of Gramicci's pants, and I've returned most of them. They're very well made, but they are all cut for the same body shape that I don't have. They tend to be straight from the waist all the way down, and that doesn't work for me. I'm too curvy. I kept one of their pants that's a super skinny ankle pant that built in room for my wide hips, and they're a deep purple color. I paid $10 for them on clearance, so it's ok that I won't wear them too often.

PrAna's organic cotton tops. PrAna is a sustainable, fair trade brand (they are B Corp), but their focus is not on avoiding synthetic fibers. All of the cotton they use is organic, but most of the time it is mixed with polyester. This is because they're an athletic brand and they're focusing on moisture wicking properties. That said, their non-synthetic options tend to be fantastic. They are a very high quality brand, and their clearance prices are reasonable. I can't link to any specific shirt on their website because they update very frequently, but you can search by the fabric content. Such an amazing search feature! Check out their sale section - it tends to be full of a wide variety of options.

I have a hard time recommending PrAna's pants, though. I'm always between sizes, so they're either too big or too small. Some of the ones that have fit me have been too stiff. The quality is so high that it's hard to move in them. Recently most of their pants have moved towards being a cotton and polyester mix, or nylon. They occasionally come out with a natural fabric pant. I have their Avril Hiking Pant, which is all organic cotton with a little spandex. The band is stretchy, not a button close, so they're actually comfortable for most situations. The inseam was incredibly long and I had to hem them, which took some skill to do because the bottom has an elastic draw cord. The problem is that they are hiking pants, meaning they look like outdoor adventure gear and not normal casual pants. I tried on their new Soledad pant last week - I was so excited by the drawcord waist and the non-synethic fabric. I ended up hating it - billowy around the thighs, too tight at the ankle. They advertise it as if you should roll up the cuffs as a style choice, and I was able to, but it was tight.

Tasc Performance. Careful, some of their older styles use polyester and nylon. But they have a big line of a blend of organic viscose (bamboo) with organic cotton. Bamboo is the best anti-odor moisture wicking fabric - it can be made naturally (Tasc does it the best possible way), and it's superior to polyester's abilities.

Look at their St. Charle's collection. It's all made from this fabric, and they have a wide variety of options. Yes, it's all athletic gear, but much of it can be worn in any situation. Their goal is to eliminate the problem of needing different clothes for different situations. It's very high quality, so it might be out of your price range, and their sale prices are not always good enough.

I wear their TFFN sports bra. It's too small, but it fits better than any other organic sports bra on the market. I sweat a lot and this bra is amazing at keeping my skin breathing.



Honorable mentions:

Maggie's Organics. They have a few good options, but overall their sizing is really difficult to work with. Their colors tend to be bland too. They're worth giving a try to see if their clothes will work for you. You'll have the best luck if you're slender. The few articles of clothing I own from them have lasted for years and still look new, so the price is worth it. These are not fast fashion clothes designed to be thrown out after a season.

Fisher's Finery. Like Tasc, they use a mix of organic cotton and organic bamboo, as well as some silk options. The quality is very high, and their clothes are very comfortable. The problem is that they stick to skin-tight pants. They are all essentially leggings and yoga pants, even their business dress pants. This style does not flatter my butt and thighs, so I avoid it in public or without a tunic or dress. The pants and leggings are ridiculously overly comfortable though - it's better than not wearing pants at all. They compress slightly, have a silky texture, thick enough for warmth and modesty, and are not tight anywhere.

Satva. They occasionally have a really good option, but most of the time they're just not for me. They're mostly yoga clothes.

They make organic cotton work out tops with built in bras that I want so badly to like, but they just don't fit. I bought one in large (I'm typically a medium, but I have a large bust). The top is very tight around my stomach, but too big in the bust. It makes zero sense! The shelf bra band is only in the front, sewn into the sides. There is no supporting for the band from the back. The band is too big, so I get zero support whatsoever... but meanwhile you can see the shape of my belly button because it's so tight.


Other brands worth looking at, but I don't have enough luck with:
Woolrich - clothes tend to be boxy and stiff, only some organic options.

Patagonia - I have a lot of respect for the brand paying to research how polyester fibers wash away into our water! They do offer some organic options, but they still focus way too much on polyester... despite the results of their study. They try to educate on how to be responsible with polyester, but I don't think that's the responsible answer. Polyester is the problem, just stop using it. That's my opinion.

Columbia - just like Patagonia, they're an outdoor company that offers some organic cotton and hemp options. When they do offer it, the options tend to be really attractive and unique (a good unique.)