Here's the short version:
I got Norovirus and it lasted for 5 days. It ranked in the top 3 worst pain experiences of my life. I'm too drained to recover easily. My stomach and gut are not back to normal and are very picky about what food and in what amount and when I eat it. I'm emotionally dead and deeply depressed. I finally had my appointment with my new local primary care doctor since I need an MD on my record, and she's sending me to a gynecologist and a cardiologist.
...I feel like this is just leading to a repeat of 2013 all over again. Lots of money getting thrown at doctors who likely will just tell me I'm normal and it's all in my head. I wonder why I bother, then I remember my disability case, and I remember that I'm supposed to be hounding lawyers until someone takes my case. Yeah, well, give me some magic pill to return me to good health if you want me to try harder to get a lawyer. If I want to ever get government assistance then I need MDs, not NDs, to diagnose me. But it's the ND that actually helps me.
Am I being too honest if I say I either want to be able to live without all these health problems or just die? Does that make you uncomfortable? Sorry, my filters are full and can't filter anything else. It's all I can think about. I can't enjoy the things that normally make me happy. I'm pushing my friends away because I don't have any energy at all for them. I'm just blank. I'm emotionally dead. My body feels like an empty shell. There's no energy or life in me. Norovirus took what I had left. 2 days of vomiting, diarrhea, and horrid skin aching and tenderness. 2 more days of just diarrhea and skin pain, Another day of just diarrhea. Any fuel or qi or life energy that I had left is gone. I'm not suicidal, I just don't want to take part in anything in life. Any appointment, commitment, phone call, email... it's too demanding. Wants too much of me. I can feel a pool of anger and resentment somewhere in me, and if that's the only emotion my body will give me then I really need to stay away from people.
I'm going to a gynecologist because I can't stop bleeding in heavy amounts. It's been 2 months of bleeding almost every day. I tried some herbs from my acupuncturist to stop the bleeding. One of them did reduce the bleeding without side effects. The other seemed to stop the bleeding for a few days, but gave me such low blood pressure that I spent the whole day trying to keep my head upside down to manage the headache and painful blurry vision. I know I'm very blood deficient. She gave me herbs to boil and drink to improve my blood, but I haven't yet because of Easter taking over and then getting Norovirus. But seriously, puking my stomach and flushing my guts out when I'm already blood deficient? Why does my body choose to live through these things? Why does it hold on to life? And why don't doctors see that I'm suffering so severely that I'm not able to actually live any sort of life? It's mind blowing. My ND sees it. My acupuncturist sees it. My chiropractor doesn't question it. The neurologist I saw seemed to believe me, but he's so far away and I think he did what he can do within his specialty.
Trying to eat is a major problem. My stomach and gut are so sensitive that I have to figure out exactly the right thing to feed them, and then when I do I can only manage a couple of bites before I get pain and feeling overly full. Yesterday eating a baked sweet potato with just olive oil and salt worked. Today sweet potato is cramping my stomach. Chicken broth the super soft canned chicken is working consistently, but only until my stomach can't take more liquid. It's being just as picky about water. I feel dehydrated, but water feels like a bowling ball in my stomach. Last night I wasn't able to eat for 5 hours before it was bedtime. I knew I'd get pain from hunger if I didn't eat, so I tried to eat some very soft non-greasy sausage. I managed about 3 bites before I got major pain in my stomach. My gut was so inflamed it was giving me a horrid headache. I had to just go to sleep and sleep it off. Enzymes are helping to a certain point. I know that if I could turn my digestive system back on that I might actually be able to get some energy again... I feel like I'm gaining a tiny bit back everyday, but it's not enough. I wouldn't be able to type this right now if not for the green tea I've been sipping on all morning and the tiny bit of energy I'm getting back each day.
I'm going to attempt to go to work today for 3 hours. I'm lucky that I was only scheduled for a 3 hour shift today before I knew this was going to happen. I've missed 3 or 4 shifts already, so I need to try.
