Water Is Life: Product Review of RO Filtration Systems and Why You Need Them

I agree with the Native Americans who fought against the pipeline in North and South Dakota: 
Water Is Life.

It's true. We can't live without clean water.

We said the mantra over and over, demanding that the source of our water supply wasn't ruined by fracking and leaking oil pipelines. But why don't we really live this mantra by choosing to drink clean water and choosing practices that keep our water clean? Why are we still drinking from plastic bottles, drinking the tap water, and choosing to buy foods grown with pesticides that run off into our water supply and ruin in? 

 In the words of Nestle's CEO: 

“Water is, of course, the most important raw material we have today in the world. It’s a question of whether we should privatize the normal water supply for the population. And there are two different opinions on the matter. The one opinion, which I think is extreme, is represented by the NGOs, who bang on about declaring water a public right. That means that as a human being you should have a right to water. That’s an extreme solution. The other view says that water is a foodstuff like any other, and like any other foodstuff it should have a market value. Personally, I believe it’s better to give a foodstuff a value so that we’re all aware it has its price, and then that one should take specific measures for the part of the population that has no access to this water, and there are many different possibilities there.”

So... if water is to be treated as a "foodstuff" with market value, that means you have a choice. What water are you buying? Do you know what you're buying when you pay your water bill for tap water? Do you know what you're buying when you buy plastic water bottles because you don't trust the tap water? Are those alkaline waters you're buying to be healthier actually better for you? It's all a bunch of marketing, because water is a product to be sold. 

Oh boy. This one is a heavy subject, one that I could write a whole 200 page thesis about. It's easy to feel like it's too big of a problem to tackle, but I want to promise you that there are some solutions.

Let's talk about solutions, because the problems with water are too much for me to get into. 

But first:

Well... yes. Dave is right. 

1. Your body won't turn alkaline by drinking alkaline water. You will struggle to digest well if you drink alkaline water with your meals, because it reduces stomach acid. You need enough stomach acid to bread down food and absorb the nutrition from it. Lowering your stomach acid can lead to heartburn. That said, you definitely do need minerals in your water to absorb it and retain it, but more on how to do that later. 

2. You really don't want to drink chlorine. Chlorine kills bacteria and sanitizes. Do you want to kill the bacteria in your body? Bacteria basically control the health of our bodies, so without enough good bacteria our bodies won't function well. If you're taking probiotics to help add more good bacteria into your gut, are you swallowing it with chlorine, a substance that kills bacteria?

3. Fluoride is very controversial. Does it have benefits? Yes, it does reduce cavities. Is it a neurotoxin that kills brain cells? Yes. It's essential you don't consume too much, because the toxicity of fluoride is dose-dependent. So how exactly do you control the dose when you're drinking tap water? (Also, do we need to add fluoride to toothpaste when there's already enough to prevent cavities in tap water? That's a post for another day.) 

4. Okay, so avoid tap water to avoid chlorine and fluoride... got it. But then he says not to drink out of plastic? Plastic does break down into microplastics that end up in the water, and they do mess with hormones. Then how to do I get water? Those glass bottles are expensive, and hey, don't they contain water from sources high in arsenic? Some do, yes. That's what I'll offer you some solutions in this post! There are options. 

5. Don't focus on division and hate while you drink it? On the surface this might seem silly, but in reality it's a great practice to focus on gratitude instead of what we're angry about while we're eating. Our thoughts do control the quality of energy that flows through our body, and our energy will affect our digestion. It's not woo-woo voo-doo - many cultures have known this for thousands of years. Did you know that Kung Fu masters can change the properties of water by moving their qi? We've simply lost sight of it in our dumbed-down modern consumerist fast-paced culture. Our minds really do affect our physical health. (I'm not promoting toxic positivity here - there's a time and place to process all emotions, but processing anger should not be done while eating.)

I'll show you what I use for my drinking water. (Bathing water is for a different post.)

The best solution I have found is to filter my water with Reverse Osmosis. It is a very effective way to remove most of what is in your tap water. It's easier than distilling, and allows you to have safe water from a tap in your home. Reverse Osmosis usually involves 5 stages of filtration, sometimes with added UV light to kill anything after the chlorine has been filtered out. Your responsibly is primary just to change filters on time, so it's not that big of a commitment. Personally, I find it way less to manage than buying pounds upon pounds of water from stores.

Let me show you what it does. In these photos I'm using a TDS Meter that measures Parts Per Million (PPM) of water. The PPM are everything in the water that isn't water. This can include good healthy minerals along with heavy metals, chlorine, drugs people flush down the toilet along with anything else the waste water treatment plants can't filter out, fluoride, and any other additives to treat the water. The higher the PPM, the harder and less acceptable the water quality is. In Bismarck, ND, the tap water was normally near 300 PPM (I'll have to dig back through a million photos to find that one to show you.) Here in Gaffney, SC, I have measured it between 44 PPM (shocking low) up to 150 PPM after they did some work on the water pipes under my street. Because the pipes burst open and were leaking. That was the day I started my period, and had zero running water in my house all day long. Ayyy... that's a story for another day. UPDATE: I'm returning to finish this post several months later, and as you'll see in upcoming photos, the tap water here in Gaffney is now over 300 PPM. 

(I'm going to add photos of Bismarck's water here when I find them, but they're at least a year old now and I have to actually dig for them! Keep reading to see how my current system measures though.)


You have a few options:

1. Go to a store that sells the big blue jugs of RO water, then put them into a dispenser at home. This is a lot better than drinking tap water, but the RO water spends a lot of time in plastic stored in warm or sunny areas. Heat is what breaks down the plastic so it leaches into the water. The blue jugs are BPA-free, but the trouble is that what they replaced BPA with is just as harmful... but they're not going to tell you that part of the story, are they?

2. Install an RO water filtration system onto your kitchen sink. This is my favorite solution, but it does help to have some plumbing knowledge to manage it. You also might need permission from a landlord if you don't own your kitchen sink. I bought and installed the APEC filter in my last home.

I highly highly highly recommend it! It brought my PPM down to around 10, and once it started to go up to 20 I knew it was time to change a filter or two. I used the hole for the sprayer in my kitchen sink, and installed a faucet with a built-in sprayer instead. This was very convenient because I could flush the tank directly into the sink when needed, and I could fill my glass with water from the RO faucet at the kitchen sink. 

After years I ran into an issue with the system, but customer service was the best I could have ever asked for. The bladder in the tank was wearing out. At first we used an air compressor to refill the pressure, but that solution didn't last long. The tank itself started to leak, and I found it falling into the wood of the cabinet it was in. The wood was soaking wet. We had help cutting out the wood and replacing it. We had to buy a new tank from APEC, and then we needed help installing it because we couldn't get the water pressure to where it needed to be. APEC spent 40 minutes on the phone with us to walk us through how to fix it ourselves. The guy knew the system inside and out, and he patiently talked us through every step as we did it. He didn't end the call until the problem was resolved. It was amazing! Best customer service ever!

3. You might need to do something less complicated if you're in a rental, or not staying in any place for long. That's my current situation, so I bought this:

 

The SimPure countertop RO water system. (It was $100 less when I bought it last June... INFLATION.) It's ok. Not great, but ok. So much better than nothing. I'll show you:

It only uses 2 filters, rather than the 5 of the under sink RO filter I used to have. It simply can't be as thorough. Where I used to get my PPM down to around 10-15 with that under sink filter, this gets it down to around 50-65. 

Tap water in Gaffney, SC: 308 PPM

Filtered water: 61 PPM, filters are 3 months old, still have 3 months of life left in them.

I would recommend this if you need to buy any portable RO water filtration system... but if you have the ability to install one under your sink, just do it. They cost the same, and the sink system works WAY better. But I'm happy enough with this countertop system for now, while renting. 

My complaint is that it's on rubber feet, so it's hard to move it around on the counter, but I have to move it around to be able to take the water tank out of the back of it to fill it up. I have to fill it about 2x per day for my husband and I. 

It assumes you will only fill glasses with water. It has 3 buttons for the amount of filtered water it will pour out. The trouble is that the amounts for each are a little too little or too much for my glasses. I also need to keep a Pyrex measuring cup next to it because I use it constantly for getting enough filtered water to pour into my tea pot. The teapot itself won't fit under the spout. So... it's a little less than perfect, but it's so much better than nothing. 

My husband only drinks cold water (I can't drink cold water, it hurts me!) So he fills up a pitcher from the RO machine and keeps the filtered water in the fridge. 

So the problem with RO water or distilled water is that the good necessary minerals are filtered out too. It makes the water "dead" so-to-speak. You won't find any water in nature that isn't full of minerals from the rocks and soil it flows through. We're meant to drink the minerals in the water. In fact, our kidneys rely on the minerals in the water to be able to absorb the water. That's okay - just add them back in. You can buy trace mineral to add to your water before you drink it. 

I personally can't drink water without thickening it, otherwise it flows right through me and my kidneys and bladder can't handle it. I get dehydrated by drinking water that isn't thick enough. So I use powdered electrolytes to thicken my water. I use the ones from my naturopathic doctor, but I also like Ulitma a lot because the flavors are great. 

Here's a link for Ulima Electrolytes - You get $5 off with my link, and I get $5 if you use it! 

This is also a great product for all your POTsies reading this - if you have POTS you NEED electrolytes to build your blood. It's critical! Ultima has less sodium than other brands, but it has more electrolytes and no sugar! So just add some Redmond Real Salt to your water if you need extra sodium. That's what I do. 

(It took me close to 6 months to finish writing this post... I started many posts and couldn't finish them, but I knocked this one down... yay me! Life with ME/CFS, Endometriosis, and POTS... sheesh, it's hard to get much done.)

Eivor - Salt

Surging through my body,

The ocean in me.

Crashing waves of memory,

Currents of longing.

The State of the Union... of the World.

Unsustainable Government Business Model That Causes Society to Collapse

Create a Capitalist society with very few regulations. 

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Lots of people go into business selling unregulated things, like snake oil, to make a profit. 

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Create food and body care products that are pleasing and addicting, but a little bit toxic. 

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Get the population to buy these products in mass, making their use normal and commonplace.

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Create lots of people with mild chronic illnesses because the food and products they use aren't quite healthy enough to sustain their health. 

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More people need medical care. Insurance is invented to help people pay for medical care.

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Doctors are well intentioned, but their education is very limited to one area so they don't see the whole picture of health. 

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Doctors are primarily taught how to sell medications, not how to heal people. 

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Lots of people buy medications that only manage symptoms of illnesses as long as patients continue to take them regularly. 

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People become addicted to drugs without improving their health.

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More people get a little bit sick and more babies are born with health issues. 

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The entire Capitalism system relies on people buying things, so more people go into businesses selling food and products without enough safety regulations. Businesses invent things people don't need, then advertise why everyone needs them and shame people who don't use them (like fabric softener or air fresheners.)

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More people start to complain of new health issues from using these products, like allergies and eczema.

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More drugs are produced to sell to people for a wider range of health complaints. 

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People with illnesses realize they're not getting healthier, and their insurance only helps them get discounts on doctors that just give them drugs that don't fix the root causes of their health problems. They grow frustrated with how much money they're spending on health care, with not enough money left from their paychecks to buy food and products that don't make them sick enough to need doctors.

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"Health and wellness" businesses pop up that teach people how to prevent getting sick, because that's where people are willing to spend money. People don't want to see doctors anymore because they don't help.

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People listen to "alternative advice" to try and reclaim their health, such as: exercise as much as you can (until you injure yourself,) avoid salt for your heart (your heart requires salt,) stop eating meat because it's bad for your blood (your blood is built off all nutrients in meat,) and start buying and eating synthetic and ultra processed foods like protein bars and shakes because it's better than nature could provide for you (and creates a lot of profit for big businesses.)

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Companies pervert vitamins, minerals, and nutrients. They make them as cheap as possible to produce without caring if they're effective, then thrive on selling you these synthetic vitamins that are promoted as "natural." (Because the word "natural" has no regulation.)

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More people than ever are feeling sick, fatigued, and weak. They discover that their synthetic vitamins are not solving deficiencies in their blood work, and they start developing new problems from taking them, such as nerve pain or kidney stones. 

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Chronic illnesses become more severe and more common, and more people can't work due to them. People have less money, less trust in doctors, and less clarity on how to improve.

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Good honest people who aren't interested in money, but are interested in fixing the problem start going into business: Naturopathic doctors, functional medicine doctors, holistic nutrition coaches, food and environmental researchers, farmers that learn better ways, etc. They are successful in helping people heal and get better, as long as people can afford them.

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Doctors who actually know what they're doing stop accepting insurance that we're forced to pay for, because insurance dictates how they treat patients and these doctors know better. The wealthy have access to real medical help.
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Food businesses pop up based on the research, such as organic and regenerative agriculture produce with sustainable healthy practices. It's more expensive than the unhealthy food that dominates the market, so not everyone can afford it. People who can afford it start eating a lot better and feeling a lot better. They stop buying food from anyone else and avoid buying any products they don't trust.

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Big megacorporations start to buy out these small successful doctors and business. Then private equity groups manage all the finances of the megacorporations. Now many of the good food companies are generating money for the people who made food toxic in the first place. 

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More and more people start to wake up and realize that the whole system is rigged to keep them sick and only generate profits for the megacorporations and private equity groups. 

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More and more people lose sight of the meaning of life while in this Capitalistic society. Some start to fight back and start their own farms to live off of. Others give up and commit suicide. Others go on feeling really depressed and unhappy in life, losing themselves in mindless pleasures until they die. 

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Fewer and fewer people are able to find jobs that treat them like humans, especially people with chronic illnesses who can't keep up with demands, and fewer and fewer people are able to earn enough money to keep up with the inflation that comes as a result. 

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Too many people stop having babies because they're not affordable or the parents aren't healthy enough. 

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People with good intentions try to create new ways to help people have babies, such as IVF, but it goes against many religions and it's too expensive for many people. It also doesn't always work.

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 So then the population declines drastically. Most of the remaining population fights some type of chronic illnesses, to varying degrees of severity. People don't have the energy to fight back, and people are way too confused to know what to do about it.

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Lots of businesses go out of business. People don't care. They didn't have the money to shop anyway.

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Education goes out of business. People don't care, because they didn't like paying for what they were teaching anyway. 

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There are fewer and fewer doctors and lawyers, because fewer people are educated. There are fewer businesses, so people are forced to buy only what's available from people who are already super rich. Because only the super rich have what they need to run businesses. 

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Eventually society reaches a breaking point that causes societal collapse. People must start over and rebuild with new direction, other people invade and take our lands, or people give up and die. 

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Life goes on, forcing people to start over fresh.

What could have prevented this fate? Respect for your fellow human. Businesses should have always been conducted with respect for life and health, but instead they viewed people as cash cows to be milked dry. Health is a businesses model, not a human right. 

I left out a lot of factors, such as the power of distraction, slavery, unfair trade due to globalization, housing businesses models, and more.

I believe it's too late to fix the problem. There's no way to turn this sinking ship around without sinking us even faster. We're going to sink. There's already a ton of water rushing in. 

I'm not scared, though. This isn't a source of worry for me. I am of the opinion that everything needs to fall apart. We need to fail. And then we need to learn from our mistakes and start over. Look at all the previous empires that have fallen. Their collapses were not the end of the world. People always start over. 

The problem now is a little more complicated. The world is globalized and we have been depleting the resources. If one country goes down, it affects the rest of the world. We've managed to turn way too much soil into desert that food cannot grow on, so if we start over we're going to have to heal the land first. It won't be easy. But humanity will survive and we'll start over. Unless the next great mass extinction wipes out humanity - there have been a few mass extinctions that killed around 80% of life on earth before we came to be. It could happen. It's not out of the question. Nuclear war is possible too. Or bacteria that is antibiotic resistant grows in our guts and kills us all from the inside out. Or deadly mold (or mushrooms) grows on everything and chokes us out. It's all possible. Life is fickle. 

Until then, how in the world are people like me supposed to survive? I'm not healthy enough to make enough money to keep up with inflation and demands. I could try to lean to invest and live off dividends - who wants to help me learn? Of course, that means I'd be investing in evil practices that I don't support, but I hey, I need money. But in the end, my health is pretty bad and it's become difficult to enjoy living. I must find direction to help me live as happily as possible. 

What do I want out of life? I should just focus on that, right? Love and children. All I want is a family to live for. I'm really happy doing work that makes people's lives better too, such as working in a local, regenerative food system that makes food that is actually nutritious and heals the land. I need the energy for it, obviously, but I'll do whatever part I can. But it all feels really lonely without a family to love. And I have not been blessed with children, nor do I have the energy... in fact doctors have told me not to get pregnant because my body is too weak to handle it. 

More and more people are thinking like me. I've talked to so many people with chronic illnesses who are so jaded and have no faith in the medical system. More and more people are telling me they don't see the point in trying. 

People are losing faith in the meaning of life because evil profits the most.

People are tired of living for the benefit of evil. 

Anyway, I'll be voting for Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for President.

What!? But he's that conspiracy theorist who is anti-vaxx right!? Hmmm... is he more of a conspiracy theorist than Trump, or is he actually fact-based? Yes, any man who claims that people have been lied to and wants to tell you the truth will always sound like a conspiracy theorist. The difference is that Kennedy is a highly successful lawyer who has fought against megacorportations like Monsanto and won on the ground that they cause harm to people. He actually knows company secrets, works with actual scientists, and is fact-based. He was a democrat, but is running as an Independant now. I actually have some hope for our future if he wins the election, and he's polling very very well. If Trump or Biden win I will carry on without much hope... until it's impossible to carry on because everything collapses. 

We have to be brave enough to want the truth, not to be submissive slaves to a system that "takes care of us" by sending our tax dollars to the other countries without addressing problems at home. You think Trump will take care of us common folk? Ha! He is jealous that he hasn't been part of a war yet. War boosts the economy too, you know. But it won't solve any problems. 

I'm not telling you to "wake up" because that implies you've been sleeping. No one has been sleeping, but many people have been comfortable in their own biases. Including me. I'm telling you to be open to new ways of thinking, look beyond your biases, and accept reality for what it is instead of what you want it to be. 

U2 - Cailfornia (There Is No End To Love)

I've seen for myself

There's no end to grief

That's how I know

Whoa, that's how I know

And why I need to know that there is no

Yeah, there is no end to love

U2 - Sleep Like a Baby Tonight

Hope is where the door is

When the church is where the war is

Where no one can feel no one else’s pain

Muse - Uprising

Paranoia is in bloom

The PR transmissions will resume

They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down

And hope that we will never see the truth around

Moby - Dark Days ft. Lady Blackbird

If you stay you're gonna go

Underneath down below

So I'll fly

Fly away

From the apocalypse

David Byrne & St Vincent - Who

Who is an honest man?

Who is an honest man?

And just for a good laugh (because it's supposed to be ridiculously over the top... don't take the bad language seriously, it's a joke in the spirit of how serious the world is now):

Muse - We are Fucking Fucked

You really believe

We can survive all of this

The black vacuum of the universe

It was designed

To swallow us whole

It's a losing game

We're at death's door

Another world war

Wildfires and earthquakes I foresaw

A life in crisis, A deadly virus

Tsunamis of hate are gonna find us...Ahh

We are fucking fucked... Ahh

We are fucking fucked

We're at deaths' door

Another world war

Wildfires and earthquakes I foresaw

A life in crisis, Mutated virus

Tsunamis of hate are gonna drown us... Ahh

We are fucking fucked... We are fucking fucked

True

Just when you think

You are safe and secure

You'll forget what you need to remember

Living in peace

But you're living a lie

The game is rigged

We're at deaths' door

Another world war

Wildfires and earthquakes I foresaw

A life in crisis, Mutated virus

Tsunamis of hate are gonna drown us

Ahh... We are fucking fucked

Ahh... We are fucking fucked

Hole up

Stockpile

Hoard up

We are getting fucking fucked

Ahh... We are getting fucked

Ahh... We are getting fucked

Hey, hey, hey, fuck off

Hey, hey, hey, stockpile

Hey, hey, hey, fuck off

Hey, hey, we are getting fucking fucked

"Life Happens Wherever You Are"

I'm contrary, but I know I'm not alone. 

I don't conform to what I don't agree with.

I'm frugal, but in an expensive way. 

Cheap makes me sick, but quality keeps me healthy and lasts.

I'm strong, but I'm scared.

Maybe I shouldn't have to endure pointless trials to prove I'm worthy of being human.

 I'm capable, but I'm not independent. 

I know what to do, but the reason is lost without you.


As a very dear friend of mine just said to me: 
"You need a break from the truth."

   

They say that intelligent people tend to be the most depressed and have the least hope. They also say that the arrogant with average intelligence take all the power and become the most wealthy. I think there's truth to it in many cases. When you're intelligent enough to see the big picture of life, you are able to see how pointless it is to dedicate your life to money. I also have seen that intelligent people are the happiest people, because they avoided living a life crushed by the weight of societal expectations and instead focused their lives on what they love most. I've also seen that those of average intelligence don't always win at life because they don't care enough about winning. 

Over the past few years I've been developing a pool of anger inside myself. I have a lot to be angry about:

I'm angry that I'm sick with chronic illnesses that rule my entire life. 
I'm angry that I didn't use my youth to train in skills that would help me feel useful and happy. 
I'm angry that I live in a country in which the dream of freedom and independence is only propaganda.
I'm angry that being "good enough" isn't enough anymore - if you're not the best there's no place for you.
I'm angry that family is no longer the priority, but instead a luxury of a successful career. 
I'm angry that I must have high standards, because average standards are unhealthy. 
I'm angry that marriage is no longer about love, but instead it's a business partnership for survival. 

I'm angry that good people are afraid to commit to anything: a job, a partner, a marriage, a place to live. 

I'm angry that I'm 36 and I have nothing to show for it. 
I'm angry that every bone in my body wants to be a mother, but my body can't handle it. 
I'm angry that my feelings don't matter, because I don't matter in a world that doesn't have a use for me.

I'm angry that the people who recognize my value and love me are so far away from me. 

I'm angry that I can't simply just live for what life is about: God, love, and happiness. 
I'm angry that "Christianity" has been warped into a political militia, but not an army for God.

I'm angry that I'm afraid to say I have faith in God, for fear of people assuming I'm a terrorist. 
I'm angry that I live in a country that's falling apart rapidly, but voters are focused on a popularity contest. 

I'm angry that I live amongst people who choose to steal from each other, then beg for handouts. 

I'm angry that people distrust love, but do trust autocrats. 

I'm angry that food is grown in damaging ways, and costs so much that it damages families.

I'm angry that I'm a late bloomer in life, once I don't have the energy to act. 

I'm angry that I will never retire. 
I'm angry that I'll probably never own my own home.

I'm angry that healthy water, healthy air, and healthy food is a luxury. 

I'm angry that seeking medical care would bankrupt me, even with insurance.

I'm angry that insurance costs more than preventative care would without insurance.

I'm angry that we built a society that is completely reliant on unsustainable resources.

I'm angry that I keep gaining weight despite how much money I spend on the highest quality food.

I'm angry that my teeth are so narrow that I'm self-conscious about my smile. 

I'm angry that I'm so contrary to popular opinion, because I really do want to get along. 

I'm angry that I'm so weak that I only know how to take action behind a screen or with my dollars.

I'm angry that I don't know what to do or where to go anymore because every path is futile.

I'm angry that everything I've accomplished in life, everything I've ever worked for... it's all falling apart. I'm so angry, so disappointed, and feel too much despair. And I'm even more angry because I know a huge portion of society feel exactly the same as me. 

I'm angry because it's all falling apart, and it's not because we failed. We simply lost a game we didn't know we were playing, because we were focused on something more important than a game: love, family, and peace. 

I've been accused of being too negative, too scared, not resilient enough, and a real downer. 
You want to know what crushes my spirit? Being invalidated by being called labels without being listened to. Am I supposed to magically feel happy when I'm living in fear? Am I just a wimp? Let's do an experiment: I'm going to lock you up in a cage with a lion and tell you to stop living in fear and just feel happy. What's the problem? Don't you have everything you need in life to thrive in that cage? You have shelter, meat, leather, bones to make tools out of to build with... oh wait, what? You can only do that if you kill the lion and somehow survive? Well that sounds really negative! What a downer. Stop whining and figure it out. And be happy! What's wrong with you, living in fear when you could live in happiness? Sheesh!

I know I could be happy despite all things to fear in life these days: inability to earn enough money to have shelter, food, clean water, clean air, family, safe transportation, etc..

...but it's going to take being in a community of people that bring me peace. All I'm asking for it some peace and security. I need to be in a community of people who acknowledge the challenges of life these days, accept my disabilities, and actively work to support each other (instead of competing and pushing each other down.) 

I have come to believe that a key to happiness in this life is to acknowledge each other's pain. When we acknowledge that someone is in pain, we can rally to help them recover and keep our society happy and healthy. When we ignore each other's pain because it's just such a negative downer, the pain breeds and spreads through the community. 

I'm not an unhappy negative person. I'm in pain, and I need to heal. And when I'm told I'm just negative, it's like twisting the knife in my wound. 

If I tell you that I'm hurting, the way to make me feel negative is by telling me I'm wrong to feel hurt.

And the worst part is I know you're hurting too. 

Is the problem that I'm looking deeply into the cause of my pain so I can make it better, and you can't understand why I would do that because you prefer to ignore it and keep pushing forward? 

I'm not going to apologize for being so in-tune with my problems. But I am sorry if I waste my time with people who aren't interested in fixing problems to build a better world.

The reason I'm angry and hurting is because I care. I CARE SO MUCH. Because I'm so full of love and compassion. And if you can't handle my level of care, then get out of my way. 

My husband and I went to a few state parks last week. We found this easy trail to an amazing waterfall. This is my happy place. At peace, in nature. It felt good... it felt like living. Simplicity. Beauty. Health. These are important.  

Highasakite - Love Him Anyway

"Why don't you run for your life? Won't you run for life? Paralyzed. Paralyzed. Paralyzed.
And you knew better. Didn't you? Didn't you? Know better. You know it's gonna break you, but you love him anyway. And I know you hate to hear it too."

Matthew Bellamy (of Muse) - Something Human (Acoustic)

"My circuits are blown. I know it's self-imposed. And all I have shared. And all I have learned. Is all I'll ever own. But something has changed. I feel so alive. My life just blew up. I'd give it all up. I'll depressurize."

The Boxer Rebellion - You Can Love Me

"The fight you pick is misunderstood. I will never be one to try and hurt you for good. Burn out, runs right through to my bones. You keep me awake, in waves of unwavering storm.

But I'll say:

You can love me

You can love me

You can love me

You have a choice"

Aurora and Pomme - Everything Matters

"So pure, and it hurts when the beauty is lost in the speed... 'Cause everything matters to me"