The Wounded Hawk

Last night I was reading A Bride's Story Vol. 5 by Kaoru Mori, and one of the chapters really inspired me. I think it captured the greatest issue all sick people worry about the most. Before I share the story in the chapter, let me give you a bit of background. A Bride's Story is a Japanese manga (not a childish manga, like you may be used to seeing,) about nomadic (traveling) tribes living on the Silk Road (eastern part of the Middle East) during the turn of the 19th century. It follows a few main characters as they live their day-to-day lives, really immersing the reader in the culture, habits, or lifestyle of these nomadic Muslim people. The two main characters featured in the pages I'm about to show you are an odd couple in an arranged marriage. The woman, Amir, is about 20 years old and is married to Karluk, the 12 year old boy, from a neighboring tribe (they have a very loving and patient relationship, despite the ages.) Amir loves to hunt with a bow and arrow, and then cooks for and feeds Karluk's family with the meat.

(Japanese books are read from right to left, the opposite of English books. Click on the photo to enlarge them to read. I do not have permission to use these images, but I do own the books. The scan quality isn't great because I didn't want to hurt my book by flattening them. I also don't want to give away the whole story/ experience, as I believe in buying the books to support the author. These books are expensive - but so worth reading!)





Amir goes out hunting and spots a wounded hawk, which she can tell is a trained hawk belonging to someone...









She takes the hawk back to her village with the intention of trying to heal it and finding its owner...







Amir hand feeds the hawk meat and tends to its wound. A while goes by, and Amir and Karluk decide it's time to release the bird to the wild since no one has claimed it. The hawk can't fly.







Karluk asks Amir if she wants to keep it as a pet, and she says, "That is completely unthinkable!" She wants the hawk to have a full life of flying and hunting, saying the hawk wouldn't really be living as a pet. She would rather the hawk be eaten in nature.







Karluk offers to "put down" the hawk so Amir, who had grown attached to it, doesn't have to. They bury the bird. The owner of the hawk finally comes to town, just a little too late.







There are many wonderful, strong messages to consider in this short story. What is the value and purpose of life? Is life worth living if you're not in good health, unable to "fully live?" Do other people have the authority to help you end your life if you're not healthy enough to "fully live?" Did Karluk do the right thing by putting down the hawk, or would the right thing have been to let the hawk live until it was eaten by a predator? Was Amir wrong to refuse to keep it as a pet and give it the happiest life it could expect to have with a broken wing?

If you're reading this blog, I'm guessing that you or someone you know is suffering complicated health issues. Those of us who are not healthy can relate to this poor hawk, can we not? The hawk had the will to live, because it gladly accepted food from Amir. The hawk had the will to attempt flight after trying to heal its wing. The hawk clearly desired to live a full, normal life. Don't we also desire a full, normal life? We say things like, "I wish I could taste my neighbor's heavenly pumpkin pie again, but my body would hurt too much if I did." Or, "If only I didn't get sick, I'd be president of my company now and I would be so fulfilled!" Or, "I wish my spouse didn't leave me, because it's not my fault that I got sick and couldn't take care of myself anymore!" Or, "If only I could do that one thing, despite my sickness, I would be happy." I also know that many sick people are too depressed to care about a normal life again, but yet somehow, they hold on to life, knowing there might be something left for them.

What do we do with us sick people who have the will to live, yet can't fully participate in life to the degree that most people do? Would it be more hospitable of us to "put them down," so to speak, than to help them live their life, with their abilities, to their fullest? Is life not longer valuable if the person can't fully participate in life? If a painter loses their hands, they can learn to paint with their mouth or toes. If a pilot loses his vision, he cannot make any adjustments in order to continue flying. There are various degrees of limitations among the sick. Some are able to make do with their limits and still find fulfillment in life. Others will have to learn a whole new way to be fulfilled if they are to continue enjoying life. What constitutes "not being able to fully participate in life?"

This is a very dark subject. I've been there - a year ago I was laying in bed in sheer pain, contemplating my worth. Wondering if recovery was even possible. Wondering if I'd ever feel even an ounce of happiness again. I held on to hope. I chose to believe that my life has value, even if I was useless to others in that state. I chose to believe that I deserved to live, even if my life was miserable and painful every moment of the day. I chose to believe that I could create a purpose for myself, even if I stayed that miserable the rest of my life. I chose to give my life value, and I chose to live. If I were that poor hawk, though, I would have been "put down." I, thankfully, am recovering! I know others, however, who haven't made any improvements in years, yet they still hold on to life, believing that they also deserve their valuable life. Some of these sick people I know are even very joyful, happy people, despite their severe limitations from poor health. They found purpose, and they're living their purpose!

As a Roman Catholic, I have faith-based answers to all these questions. I don't want to disclose them on this blog, as my intention is to help you come to your own conclusions. I'm not here to preach religion. Don't you think, however, that you would prefer to fight for your life than to let someone end it for you? What is your life worth to you? Can you make adjustments in order to find fulfillment? If not, do you still want your life? Why?



Have hope. Have faith.

Give yourself purpose.

Your worth is not determined by your health limitations.



(That said, I would have done the same as Amir and put the hawk down. The hawk grew completely dependent on her, and she couldn't be fully responsible for it as she had too many other responsibilities to her fellow humans. If the hawk were a human, however, the story would have been much different.)

"Canary"

I recently learned that people who suffer multiple chemical sensitives are called "canaries." This is because we're being likened to canaries used by miners. Miners would take the birds with them into the mines and send them ahead into uncharted territory. If the birds died, the miners would know there is toxic/ deadly gas that needs to be avoided. In other words, a "canary" is a person who suffers toxins other people can't yet detect.

The analogy made me cry a little. It's a rather grim, depressing way of describing ourselves. It makes it sound hopeless, as if we were born to suffer. As if we're disposable test subjects. If too many "canaries" die from a company's products, is that when it is decided to pull those products from the market? Unfortunately, this does sound like the truth. Companies don't pull their poorly tested products from the market until too many people complain about the dangers and side effects they experienced with the product.

If those of us who chemical sensitive are "canaries," shouldn't everyone else pay close attention to us as we use products in order to save themselves from harm? If we are going to embrace being "canaries," shouldn't we use our roles to be activists for a cleaner, safer, less-toxic world?

I, personally, am not so sure I want to embrace the term. I believe I serve a greater purpose than being the one to "suffer" or "die" as a warning to others.

My doctor warned me not to Google MCS. He didn't want me reading all sorts of misinformation and skepticism from the medical community. He also didn't want me to get scared or confused. I needed to learn my own body without influence. I'm sure he had other reasons for telling me not to Google this. I respected this, and I didn't Google MCS... for the first month. As the "diagnosis" (he doesn't like to diagnose or use labels, which I also respect) made more and more sense during that first month, my curiosity grew. I did, however, remember how futile and infuriating it was to research fibromyalgia online. I learned not to bother reading medical websites, because they are wrong and will only anger me. I also read a lot of very bad advice. This time, when Googling MCS, I ignored all the medical results and "studies" and went straight to the blogs and forums of people with MCS. I just wanted to read about other people's experiences to gain a little perspective. Reading these blogs has helped me gain a lot of perspective. While I don't feel the need to wear an organic hemp mask and a personal air filter everywhere I go, I think I could have needed to be that extreme if I didn't seek out treatment for all my health problems when I did. While I don't get extreme flu-like symptoms that warrant an ER visit when I'm reacting, my reactions, though more mild, are still my body's very important way of communicating with me. I may not be "as bad" as the most vocal "canaries" online, but my suffering is still my own and is still important. I'm also learning from these blogs ways that may help me improve more. I do live in a house with carpet, particle board cabinets, a memory foam mattress, rotting window frames, and so on.

The most helpful/ interesting blogs for me so far have been:

http://safecanarynest.com/welcome

http://thrivingwithmcs.com/blog

If you don't suffer MCS, but want to know what it's all about, I highly recommend either of these blogs. They're very "eye opening" and they're about these people's experiences.

MCS Map

I stumbled upon a really interesting project for those with multiple chemical sensitivities. It is a map which tracks where in the world people with MCS live. You have to fill out a short, easy, non-invasive form to put yourself on the map. The person who is running the map has to review your form before the map gets updated with your location. My submission isn't on the map yet, but it will be soon enough.

MCS Map Project

It is very helpful to connect with others who share your condition, but it's also very enlightening to know just how many others share it! This makes me feel vindicated, like I'm not the "weirdo" with the rare unexplainable condition that no one believes in. :)

Chronic Fatigue and fibromyalgia through Western Medicine

Chronic fatigue syndrome is the elusive "mystery" diagnoses within western medicine. It is often accompanied by fibromyalgia, another "mystery" diagnoses. The diagnoses usually have to be made by a rheumatologist, who typically cannot diagnose either condition without a great deal of testing by other doctors first. The rheumatologist diagnoses by a process of elimination through these tests, not by signs and symptoms. The reason for this is because both chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are not understood. They are the names of diagnoses given to seemingly healthy patients (based on positive blood work, nerve tests, MRIs, X-Rays, and other tests) who complain of a constant lack of energy and chronic widespread pain.

I spent most of 2013 in doctor offices at the local hospital for various reasons: wrist pain, MRSA abscess, heart palpitations and chest pain, menstrual issues, widespread constant pain, allergies, brain fog, and plummeting energy. I didn't feel healthy. I felt pretty awful, and I couldn't necessarily tell what wasn't feeling right - it was just a general sense of not feeling well. I saw an internal medicine doctor (at the walk-in clinic,) neurologist, cardiologist, orthopedic doctor, allergy specialist, occupational therapist, ER doctors, gynocologist, and rheumatologist. Due to the extra long waiting list for the two local rheumatologists (what does that tell you about the city I live in?), I traveled out-of-state to see one. The simplified results, in general? "Idiopathic." I'm "the golden image of health." I was told by one doctor to see a psychologist, and she set me up for an appointment with one the very next morning, nearly forcing me to go. I didn't go, because I knew it wasn't all in my head. I had never been more insulted in my life (I have a great deal of respect for psychologists - I even worked for a couple and felt it was the most rewarding job I could have!)

I did gain a few things from these doctor visits, such as healing my wrist (temporarily, the same issues came back a year later,) finding out I do actually have arthritis damage and possible fractures, being saved from the worst possible pain ever that is a MRSA abscess in a location I do not need to disclose to you, getting recommended for a laparoscopy to confirm a diagnosis of endometreosis,  finding out that my heart murmur hasn't grown any worse despite the heart trouble I've had, and gaining some helpful diagnoses. The diagnoses are fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, and arthritis. Though these diagnoses didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, they gave me labels to give to my employers. That was worth a lot.

I received the diagnosis of arthritis back in 2011 in Idaho, when my wrist pain was first getting out of control. Seeing that doctor was worth it, as I learned a great deal (though he put me in horrid pain by injecting my wrists with cortisone, which crystallized in my wrists, but that's another story.) I saw a doctor who specialized in hands - in fact, he only took patients who had hand issues in his clinic. He took x-rays, and the results were obvious. I had white lines around my inflamed wrist bones that were obvious even to my untrained eye. My right wrist was in worse shape than my left wrist, and I could see that the bones in my right wrist were more inflamed than in my left. That was the easy diagnosis to get. I found in late 2013 through my naturopathic doctor that I wasn't stuck with the arthritis. Within a couple months of his treatments, diet, and supplements, inflammation throughout my entire body went down substantially. My wrist was feeling better than it had in years.

Getting the other diagnoses was harder, and cost me a lot of money. Based on finances alone, I do not recommend going through all the hoops to get diagnosed. Why? Because medical doctors can't treat you, even with a diagnosis, because they don't understand the conditions. I gained information, but I did not gain any help. None whatsoever. Long story short, I went back to the internal medicine doctor at the walk-in clinic after running every possible test she could think of. I was the one to ask her about the possibilities of Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus, or fibromyalgia. She said, "Oh, well I'm comfortable diagnosing fibromyalgia. I just have one test to do first. Do you want to try?" It was the infamous "tender point test." She tapped 18 points on my body, and if I responded "ouch" to at least 11 of them, I got the diagnosis of fibro. Keep in mind, she wouldn't do this test without first doing all the other testing I did. This was a "last resort" test, but it was my idea, not hers. I passed the test with flying colors (what are flying colors anyway - we keep using this expression, and it sounds odd.) It was at the time that she added the diagnoses of chronic fatigue, anxiety, and depression, saying I exhibited all the symptoms and they tend to go hand-in-hand with firbo.

She put me on the lowest dose of Cymbalta, an anti-depressant, saying that she's seen her other fibromyalgia patients improve with it. Before Cymbalta, I was at least able to go to to work. I wasn't feeling well, or even doing a good job in many instances. But I showed up, did my job, and got paid. On Cymbalta, I couldn't get out of bed. It caused me to go from bad to near death. I missed over a week of work. I couldn't get out of bed to feed myself, so my husband brought me breakfast and tea. I couldn't read, I couldn't play a game, I couldn't day dream, I couldn't sleep - I was a zombie. I lost my will to live, and to this day I wonder how I actually survived (thank you, Holy Spirit!) After 13 days of taking it, I quit. I refused to take anymore. The problem was that it did damage to me that I believe I'm still recovering from. I hardly improved after cutting myself clean of the drug - even months later, I was still feeling like a complete zombie.

The problem was... she wasn't techincally qualified to diagnose fibromyalgia, and so insurance wouldn't accept it. Technically, a rheumatologist has to diagnose. I had my first appointment with a naturopathic doctor in New Hampshire (he came highly recommended, worth traveling for.) I decided that while I was traveling anyway, I might as well see a rheumatologist. I was able to get an appointment the day after I saw my naturopathic doctor the first time. I really liked the rheumatologist. He listened well, he asked a lot of detailed questions, and he examined me very thoroughly. He confirmed the diagnosis of fibromyalgia with mild confidence. He told me I certainly had the symptoms, and through process of elimination based on all the testing I had done, the diagnosis made sense. He also did the tender point test on me.  His recommendation? He quite seriously, honestly, said, "Do what your naturopathic doctor says. I bet it will work." My jaw hit the floor. He also recommended seeing him again after several months of working with my naturopathic doctor, because he wanted an update. I never felt the need to go back to him, because my naturopathic doctor was actually treating me, and was actually getting results (and still am!)

Since my rheumatologist told me to follow "alternative medicine," I've made the decision not to bother with MDs anymore. I won't be doing my follow up appointment with my cardiologist (he had a few concerns, but I already got my answers - allergies cause heart distress.) I decided not to get the laparoscopy, because my issues are clearing up on my ND's regimen, slowly but surely. I will not get more blood work done, despite the recommendation of my internal medicine doctor. I see no point, whatsoever. My allergy testing was a complete and total joke - it showed I wasn't allergic to corn, and corn allergy reactions have put me in the ER before! I lost my trust in "testing" methods. Why would I return to spend money on an institution I don't trust?

The entire experience of seeing medical doctors wasn't a waste, like I said earlier. It made me much more willing to trust my naturopathic doctor without wondering if I was taking too extreme of measures of traveling to see him. I did learn my blood sugar and blood pressure levels (which I was told were very healthy levels, but after my own research and 3 alternative medicine doctors, I found out I was hypoglycemic, which is NOT healthy - doctors and nurses are only trained to treat high blood sugar and pressure.) I also ruled out all sorts of medical issues and had a few treated, like I mentioned earlier. It gave me peace of mind. Occupational therapy did help me recover motion in my wrist when I had lost all motion (but I now know a MUCH cheaper and faster way to solve the problem.) Was the whole process worth the $7,000 (after insurance) I'm paying off? No. My money was more valuable.

Oh, and by the way, I no longer have any fibromyalgia symptoms, unless I eat sugar in any form. Sugar is my worst enemy. I have a great deal of respect for my naturopathic doctor. ;) This is the topic for another post.

I tried to spare you a lot of detail in this so I could focus on the overall point of the story. If you want more detail on my experiences with doctors, I would be happy to talk to you about it. Leave me a comment or email me: Sarahmlanger@gmail.com.

Chlorine, otherwise known as bleach

Chlorine is one of my worst offenders. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until I started to avoid it, then I noticed some of my symptoms clearing up. I always thought I could tolerate it in small amounts, and that I wasn't actually around it all that often. I assumed that I wasn't exposed to it unless I was swimming or drinking too much unfiltered tap water. I've slowly come to realize just how wrong I was. Chlorine is something we're overexposed to, and it's in a lot more than I realized until recently.

Tap water:
You're probably aware that there is chlorine, fluoride, and arsenic in our tap water. The city you live in is required to tell you the tested levels of all water contaminates or additives in the tap water. They are not shy to say that there is chlorine in the water, because it is supposed to keep the water sanitary. In theory, that's a comforting thought. It's nice to know that all sorts of toxins, bacteria, parasites, fecal matter and other microscopic hazardous "things" are getting killed by an additive to our tap water, right? Well, the problem is that chlorine is also a toxin! And we don't just drink it. We shower in it, bathe in it, wash dishes with it, cook with it - we're exposed to chlorine every time we turn the tap water on.

Swimming pools:
I love to swim. It's my favorite way to work out - always has been. As a kid, I can't remember a year that I wasn't in swimming lessons, and earlier this year I bought a membership to the YMCA primarily due to their heated swimming pools, and started swimming at least once a week for a few months. That's when I started to figure out my sensitivity to chlorine.

Paper products, like toilet paper:
There are a couple methods of making paper stark white, but can you guess what the most popular method is? Bleach. Your basic printing paper or note paper isn't my main concern, though. Paper towels, toilet paper, napkins, and tissue paper are the worst offenders because we rub them against our skin several times throughout the day. The paper can be rough on our skin as it is, but the chlorine makes it even more harsh. It causes dryness, irritation, rashes, peeling skin, and itchiness that the paper alone can't do.

Feminine hygiene products:
This deserves a post of its own - it's a huge topic! It's also one of the scariest. It's easy to assume that a tampon or pad is just some formed cotton with a little bit of plastic - harmless and necessary for the job. The problem is, the cotton needs to be sanitized to be made safe. Tampons and pads are heavily treated in chlorine, because they're meant to be used in or near a woman's most sensitive, exposed skin. They need to be very sanitary to avoid infections. (There is an additional issue with these products: cotton is one of most heavily sprayed crops, meaning it's covered in pesticides. I'll get into this in a later post.)

Cotton balls and other cotton products:
When I look at a cotton ball these days all I see is a ball of bleach and pesticides that we routinely rub against our skin or cover a wound with. I cannot emphasis enough how many pesticides are in cotton.

Clothing:
Cotton clothing is often contaminated with bleach in the manufacturing process as a way to sanitize and whiten the clothes for sale. It's also very likely that you, or your mom (whoever does your laundry,) adds bleach to the detergent in order to fight stains and brighten the colors.

Cleaning detergents:
Because of chlorine's amazing ability to kill mold and mildew as well as sanitize anything, it's a very common ingredient in many household cleaners.

Dishes:
If you have ever worked in a place that serves food (in my case, I worked in a movie theater for about 4 years,) then you're probably familiar with the 3-sink dish washing method: soapy water, rinse water,
sanitizing water. We had to put a cap full of bleach in the 3rd sink, and all dishes had to go through that water before getting placed on the drying rack. In other words, the intent is to coat the dishes in bleach to keep it "sanitary."

An ingredient in other household products:
Did you know that chlorine is used to make pesticides and rubber? (Click for source.)



I'm sure I'm missing places where you can find chlorine, because it really is just that common. I still haven't explained the harm that chlorine causes, though. For me, personally, it cases a few noticeable issues. If I drink water with chlorine, I notice that I have to pee much more often in greater volume than what I drank. It irritates my bladder too, making me feel like I can't hold the tiny amount in my bladder and that that tiny amount is going to leak out. (There is a second cause for this problem, which I'll explain in another post.) When I shower or bathe in unfiltered tap water my skin and hair dry out. I feel brittle, and my skin is usually a bit red and irritated. I didn't realize this was an issue until I showered and bathed in filtered water. When I use bleached toilet paper, it leaves me feeling dry, rough, itchy, and sensitive. When I swim in chlorine, I struggle to breathe for the next day or two and it takes up to a week to repair my hair and skin. It also causes heart palpitations and headaches.

Don't just take my word for it. Even the CDC issues warnings about it. Studies have shown that too much chlorine exposure is linked to asthma. It is known to cause dental erosion. It's also linked to bladder cancer.

Detoxing from chlorine has made a great difference for me. I'm breathing better, have healthier skin, my bladder isn't irritated as easily, and dryness and  skin irritation from paper products are no longer an issue.  I am aware that I'm hyper sensitive to chemicals, but you're probably reading this because you are too.







My Suggestions


Water filter:
They really do work! I've personally only used the Brita pitchers and faucet filters. Both of these products have filtered chlorine out of tap water effectively. Tap water tastes much better and doesn't irritate me as much after it's filtered!

Shower filter:
I recently bought a Culligan shower head with a filter. It works very well! The shower water doesn't smell anymore, it's much softer, and leaves my skin feeling refreshed instead of irritated and dry. I highly recommend this!

Paper products:
I'm a big fan of Seventh Generation, because they specialize in unbleached paper and cotton household products. I really like their whitened toilet paper, but I love their brown toilet paper.  I also love their paper towels. They are a little on the expensive side, but thankfully I've been able to find store brands that sell unbleached toilet paper and paper towels. Full Circle and Whole Food's 360 brand are both cheaper and just as good, but because they are store brands, you cannot buy them online (as far as I've seen, anyway.)

Feminine Hygiene:
There are a few of options here, and my favorite suggestion is to switch to menstrual cup. There are several brands out there, all a little different in their shapes and sizes, so I encourage you to shop around to find the brand that works best for you. I am madly in love with my Diva Cup. It is 100% silicone - the same material used in breast implants. I'll explain the benefits of the cup in another post that focuses on female issues (another huge topic for me,) but this is the ultimate solution to reduce chlorine.

Another option is to switch to unbleached organic cotton tampons and pads. This is the more expensive and more wasteful option, but if you're reliant on tampons or pads then you need to make the switch. There are a couple of brands that offer these products, but I'll link you to my favorites. I greatly prefer Seventh Generation pads and pantyliners over any other brand, because they actually stay in place and don't fall apart after a few hours like other brands I've tried. As for tampons, Seventh Generation is great because they offer a version with applicators, but I prefer Natracare.

The other option to to either make or buy reusable pads. I personally have never been able to get these to work well for me, simply because my cycles are too demanding. They also don't fit my underwear well. I know other women have had great success with them, though!

Household cleaning and mold killing:
White vinegar is just as effective at cleaning and killing mold as bleach. White vinegar might hurt your nose, but at least the fumes aren't toxic! Vinegar also sanitizes just as effectively. There is no reason to use bleach instead of vinegar. In fact, white vinegar is highly effective at most cleaning jobs, and can replace most of your cleaners. It will clean windows without streaking, kill germs on baby toys, sanitize the kitchen counter, soften and clean your clothes in washing machine,  and clean the floor with your mop.

Swimming:
This one is the hardest. Ideally, I'd say go swim in a lake. Since that isn't a possibility for most people (or if it is, the water is too cold,) then the alternative is to seek out a salt water pool.

Cotton products:
There are a few brands these days that sell organic unbleached cotton balls. I personally like cotton rounds the best.

Clothing:
Where there are many organic cotton clothing companies out there, what I'm not sure about at this time is whether or not they use bleach. I cannot, at this time, offer advice on avoiding bleach in clothing, except that I recommend avoiding using bleach on your clothing when you wash.


That's it for my suggestions for now. I would LOVE to hear your chlorine story and your avoidance suggestions too!

Lifestyle: Hair Care Products

What does someone like me, who reacts to all these "normal" scents, chemicals, ingredients, dyes, and so on, buy for hair care? What types of products do I use? It's true that I'm very picky, but this can also mean that shopping is very simple! While I really enjoy looking at every new organic product on the shelf at the nearest natural store, I always have a specific product in mind that I'm there to buy, because it's the product I know that is safe for me. Once I do the research and test the product to know it works for me, I never need to repeat that research again (unless the product I've grown to rely on changes their ingredients - I always read them just to make sure.) What you should know is that just because a product claims it is organic doesn't make it a safe product - there are all sorts of toxins that companies sneak into their "pure," "natural," and "organic," products, such as sodium lauryl sulphate and dimethicone. Read the ingredients!

I am, however, now in a place where I want to reconsider some of the products I've been using. While I've always avoided synthetic fragrances, I have been using products with essential oils. There is the possibility that essential oils are causing reactions too, and so the next step for me will be to go totally unscented to see if I improve.

There are two ways of handling body care products: you either purchase trustworthy products from companies (convenience/ supporting the economy of natural products,) or you make those products yourself (frugal/ safest.) I personally do a mix of both. I'll explain below:

Hair:

Shampoo:
Shampoo products are notorious for containing many toxic ingredients, including ingredients known to kill your brain cells (source.) Shampoos are often meant to be harsh so that they can scrub all the oil, dead skin, and dirt from your hair. What if I told you that your body produces that oil to coat your hair as a way to clean, condition, and strengthen itself? The key to keeping your hair healthy is to be very gentle with it, washing out the dirt without removing the oils.

I'm not a "no-poo" fan, personally (going without shampoo entirely, only washing with water.) The reason for that is because shower water is usually too hard and harsh. It's full of minerals and chemicals, such as fluoride and chlorine, that can build up in your hair. Have you noticed pink stains in your shower? Those are minerals left over from your hard water, and those types of build ups can happen in your hair. It has left my scalp too oily and itchy.

I've tried out washing with only baking soda or only vinegar. If you have short hair, washing with only baking soda may work fairly well for you if you're gentle and don't scrub too hard. I, however, have long hair reaching almost halfway down my back. The baking soda took too much effort and it was hard to remain gentle while shuffling my thick long hair around. Washing with only raw organic apple cider vinegar (I like Bragg's) does work well. It will clean out excess oil and dirt, but won't strip your hair of any oil it needs. It moisturizes and conditions, and is loaded with vitamins that makes hair strong. I really like washing with vinegar! When I have the energy and time. It's not convenient, and the smell is very potent (I personally have no trouble with the smell, but it knocks my husband back away from me.) It's also expensive. A small bottle of Braggs typically costs about $4-5, and if you exclusively wash with vinegar, you can use that bottle up in one or two weeks if you have long hair. If you have short hair, I bet you could get it to last you up to a month. I've found that the best solution for me is to take vinegar baths (2-3 cups of vinegar in the tub with hot water) and wash my hair in the bath. I follow up with a a quick shower to rinse off.

I also experimented with shampoo bars. They are hardened condensed oil bars (typically olive or castor oil) that you rub on your hair and scrub with. In theory, I love them! In reality, no matter how little of the bar I use and how much I rinse, they leave my hair sticky and matted down. I have yet to find one that leaves my hair feeling washed and fresh.

So I have found that I, personally, really do prefer working with shampoo. Shampoo is a product that I will go out and buy and I'll spent the money on the right one. For years I've been using Giovanni's EcoChic line. It's salon-like, lathers (without harsh lathering ingredients,) and leaves my hair very soft and smooth. I've been able to buy huge bottles of it at TJ Maxx for $13, but I've seen it at Whole Foods on sale for great prices too. While the ingredients in it are not perfect (not quite up to my standards in every other product I use,) they don't use any ingredient that I absolutely refuse to ever put on my body. It's low on a toxicity scale. They do not, however, offer an unscented line. I haven't noticed that I react to the "natural fragrances" they use, but I'll know for sure once I go totally unscented for a while and then revisit Giovanni.

I do have a little experience with unscented shampoos. My mother chokes up and can't breath around scents, so I have used unscented products when I'm around her. She uses the Earth Science unscented shampoo, because it has very simple ingredients, is the cheapest unscented brand on the market, and doesn't react with her. It does, however, use sodium lauryl sulphate and wheat. It's much harsher than I'm willing to use, and it is not acceptable for those with celiac disease.  I've also tried Burt's Bees Baby Unscented Shampoo and Body Wash. It may be unscented, but it does smell like a mix of honey and other unidentified ingredients. I have not yet determined if that is acceptable or not. The product itself does work decently... for short hair. It does not lather well, and a little does not go a long ways. I understand it's meant for babies, not for scrubbing long hair. It does get my hair clean, leaving it soft and looking fresh.

What unscented shampoo is my favorite, the one I'm coming to rely on? Desert Essence Organics Fragrance Free Shampoo. Hands down, this is the best. It's fantastic! It's better than Giovanni! Why? The ingredients are very safe (unless you're allergic to coconut, which is a staple ingredient in it.) It gently lathers, it's silky smooth and very easy to spread through my hair, it's very moisturizing (I don't think I need conditioner with this,) and a little goes a long ways. It's inexpensive for how little I need each use. Even if you do not need to go unscented I highly recommend this shampoo. It's just that good!



Conditioner:
I'm in love with the idea of conditioners. I really enjoy my long wavy healthy hair, and I don't want to have to hide it because it's not healthy looking. Conditioners are supposed to be the solution to keeping hair healthy, right? I don't think I need to repeat why most conditioners are a bad idea, because the reasons are similar as for shampoo. The difference is that instead of the product being purposefully harsh to strip your hair, conditioners are designed to coat your hair with waxes. This leaves your hair literally covered in toxic chemicals, for the sole purpose of looking shiny and healthy. The appearance of shine and health covers up for how harsh the shampoo was to your hair. Wouldn't you rather that your hair was naturally shiny and actually healthy?

Don't be fooled: many organic conditioners are designed to leave a coat of wax in your hair too. Watch out for ingredients like mineral oil (which sounds safe, but is actually made from petroleum crude oil,) petrolatum, any ingredient ending with -cone (like dimethicone,) and "fragrances"/ "natural fragrances" (which often are not natural at all and are irritants.) I've found that Nature's Gate is the worst offender, bragging about how safe and natural they are, but they slip in as many toxins as possible while still qualifying for the "all natural" or, in some cases, "organic" label.

For conditioners, once again, I've relied on Giovanni EcoChic for a few years. Again, they're not up to my ingredients standards, but they don't use any ingredients that I refuse to ever put on my body. I'll be honest. Their conditioner just plain works. It feels luxurious, it's very moisturizing, it doesn't leave waxes behind, it does add shine without harsh ingredients, and I don't think it's caused me to react. Again, I'm going to experiment with that to make sure.

I have experimented with other conditioning options. Most of the conditioning brands I've tried were not worth the price tag. They usually worked decently enough, but not well enough to justify the price tag. $12 for a 6 oz bottle of shea butter and olive oil? Really? Sure, they would keep my hair from getting frizzy, full of static, or dried out. That's about it. They were not luxurious or very moisturizing. Unless it was the middle of winter or I had washed my hair too often that week, I wouldn't necessarily notice much benefit to using them. I want a conditioner that increases the health of my hair, so that I feel like I actually benefited my hair after each shower. That's what kept me coming back to Giovanni. (Now, if your hair does get frizzy, splits easily, or dries easily, then all the conditioners I tried may help you out a lot. Since these are not typical problems I experience anymore, I couldn't justify the price of the conditions for the lack of benefits they gave me.)

I have yet to find an unscented conditioner I'm in love with (but I have not yet tried Dessert Essence's, as I just discovered their shampoo a few weeks ago.) I've settled, for now, on Jason Fragrence Free Conditioner. It's nothing special, it doesn't even have as good of ingredients as I would prefer, it just is relatively inexpensive and will work for the winter. I don't seem to react to it. Despite all my complaints about the lack of effectiveness of conditioners, I still prefer to use one after I shampoo because it does make grooming and drying my wet hair a little easier.

My favorite conditioning options don't involve a conditioner product at all: Diet, exercise, vitamin and mineral supplements, and cod liver oil. Keeping your body toxin-free, your digestive system functioning well, and staying nourished is, by far, the best way to condition your hair. I will go into more depth on diet and supplements in a future post - it's a huge topic for me. I add to this by occasionally rubbing organic unrefined coconut oil into my hair the night before I intend to wash my hair. Coconut oil is extremely moisturizing and is loaded with vitamins. It softens and strengthens hair while adding shine. It works better than any conditioner. I sleep with it in my hair (I'll put a soft towel over my pillow, but I know other people can get a shower cap to stay on their head all night - that doesn't work for me as my hair is too long.)  If you cannot use coconut oil due to allergies, castor oil or olive oil also work very well. They are both harder to wash out, however, and you may need to add a little baking soda to your shampoo to help gently work the oils out of your hair.


Styling Products:
I don't bother. They're not worth it to me. You may need to make that choice for yourself too, especially if you have MCS like me or suffer chronic illness. Do I look better with curl-enhancing products, hair spray, heat protectors, sprays that make my hair shine more, and mousse? Yes - they're a lot of fun and the things I can do with my hair when I use those products can be addicting. They can make me look more professional and well-groomed - like I care about my appearance. I enjoy using the photos of me when hair products in my hair (which only happens after I get a hair cut and let my stylist style it - which probably won't be happening anymore.) But are the products worth it? They have more toxic chemicals than shampoos and conditioners. They work because they're meant to make your hair do something: stick, curl, straighten, shine, etc. That means you're spraying loads of chemicals into your hair just for one desired effect, and then you'll breath in those chemicals throughout the day because they're right next to your nose. They'll absorb into your skin through your scalp and your neck. I'll explain the negative effects of these chemical toxins in a later post - everything from organ damage to an estrogen dominance (many chemicals are xenoestogens that can cause many female problems.)

If, however, you can't give the styling products up, there are options. They're safer than the toxic chemical based products, but it's still safest to go without. Giovanni (can you tell I like their products yet?) has a line of mostly organic styling products that work as well as chemical-based salon products. Their L.A. Style hair spray is fantastic - I personally find it works better than the hair spray in salons, and it's much lighter on the hair. Their mousse is great - it's the one styling product I still use when I need a little extra help with my unruly bangs (I don't need it 95% of the time, but there's always that seemingly random day where I can't fix the cow-lick!) Their products are not free from every ingredient I would prefer to avoid, but they're the safest and most effective hair styling products I've found. I will not be searching for new products.


Conclusion:

There is no reason why any person needs to buy hair care products. They can make life more much more convenient, which is really the only reason I still use very specific organic shampoo and conditioner, but there are simple ways to have great, healthy hair without using any hair care products. I highly recommend baking soda, raw organic apple cider vinegar, and organic unrefined coconut oil as the only 3 ingredients you ever need for hair care if you're showering with hard water or your hair isn't naturally healthy on its own. It's best to care for your hair by caring for your whole body: focus on having great digesting, keep yourself nourished with organic foods that you digest well, avoid all foods that offer no benefit or you can't digest well, get enough exercise to prevent toxin build-up and to keep your body functioning well, and don't be afraid to use supplements.

Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Breakthrough!

I learned something very valuable last month: I have a multiple chemical sensitivity.

My whole life I've always been reactive. I was born allergic to about 10 different foods (over time it worked its way down to 1-2 allergies, but this is the topic for another entry.) As a baby I would sit and cry for hours from reactions. I had hives often in my childhood. I almost got held back in school for too many sick days. I couldn't use gray crayons in school because they gave me instant pounding headaches. During my teen years I quickly discovered that many make-ups, acne creams, and lotions really irritated my skin and gave me eczema. Food gave me eczema, but I always assumed I had eaten corn whenever that happened (I thought I was only allergic to corn for a while.) I always felt substantially better when I was on the beach rather than inland (we lived on the coast in Newport, Oregon for many years.) Every time we went to the town of Bend, Oregon I got very feverish and suffered long, drawn-out bloody noses. When I was 18 we had just moved to Bismarck, ND, and there was a large patch of mold in the sliding glass doors of a house we were temporarily staying in. Upon trying to clean the mold, both nostrils bleed such large amounts of blood that I couldn't breath, and I was sure I was about to die from choking on my own blood. Mom held a mixing bowl under my nose to catch the pool of blood I was spilling.

Yes, I know I've always been sensitive and reactive. My parent's response to this was shopping at the local "hippie" stores for my food and skin care. We definitely were not strict about eating organically or avoiding non-natural products (I could fly through a box of Cheese-Its dipped in salsa back then and tried Proactive for acne,) but we shopped at the local co-op and natural foods sections because that is where I was able to find food without corn. We finally found bread, baking powder, deli meat, and so forth that I was able to eat without an allergic reaction! As I grew older and started working as a teenager, I took pride in going to the local co-op for a mostly organic lunch from their deli. I took pride in eating pizza at the local pizza joint that used local and organic ingredients. "Natural living" and "clean eating" was starting to become a normal part of my life style back then. I didn't understand the bigger picture of protecting the environment (which I didn't believe was an issue back then,) living non-toxic (I thought toxicity was an extreme and rare issue unique to power plant workers back then,) or the long-term health effects of non-organic foods. I did know that I felt better when I ate organic brands of foods. I did know that I didn't break out my skin when I used skin care products without parabens, dyes, or waxes. My eyes were slowing getting opened to the world of toxicity back then, and it took until this year (11-12 years later,) to understand it.

Over time, as I grew more aware of dangerous ingredients in food and the health risks associated with pesticides, I switched to eating mostly organically all the time. My husband married me knowing my dietary needs, but I don't think he understood what they actually meant until we started cooking our first meals together. We ate out quite a bit in our first years of married - eating out was my "cheat" time, but I still ordered the safest possible dishes. We slowly ate out less and less over time, and I cooked more and more at home with totally organic and natural ingredients. And yet... we both were gaining weight, getting more irritable, not handling stress as well, and generally were not feeling as well. A few years ago we decided to cut out most gluten, and that solved a lot of the problems. That was just the tip of the iceberg. I, without my husband joining me on this, decided to cut out all dairy. This solved more problems, but still wasn't enough. While some problems were getting solved, others were growing worse. And worse. (I'll explain diet in depth in another post. Or several - it's a big topic for me.)

I'm jumping forward in time to after my break-down last year. I had made a lot of progress with my naturopathic doctor over the 10 months I had been working closely with him. I had lost weight, gained energy, struggled less with chronic fatigue, struggled less with hypoglycemia, struggled less with menstrual issues, rarely struggled with chronic pain (what I was told was fibromyalgia,) raised my blood pressure to a much less scary number (it was very low initially,) cleared up some of my brain fog... I was doing better. All my progress felt very miraculous to me. But I was still complaining about heart palpitations, headaches, menstrual issues, body aches, rashes, and mood issues. He also witnessed me in a couple allergic reactions. He told me he had theories as to what was going on, but needed to observe me first. He also decided to try homeopathy with me. After a difficult interview and an explanation as to how homeopathy works, he determined that I have multiple chemical sensitives.

At first, I was a little surprised. I said, "My mom has that - she chokes up and can't breath around perfume. I don't react like her." He explained. It didn't take long before it started to make sense. Not everyone reacts the same way, or to the same things. We are all unique, and our bodies all operate in their own individual ways. 

Now that I know I'm a highly reactive person, life is making a lot more sense. I used to get heart palpitation issues, achy joints, and headaches pretty often when I was out in public, but I never recognized it as an allergic reaction. My health was so poor that all my issues were convoluted. I couldn't tell where one issue ended and another began. Now, however, between taking a lot of glutathione and his homeopathic remedy, the reactions are becoming much more clear. The fog is lifting. When I'm not reacting, I'm feeling much better! When I do react, it's instant and obvious. What I'm allergic to becomes immediately clear.

And I'm reacting to a lot.

"Scary Chick"

This is the beginning of my journey of living with multiple chemical sensitives! I think I've had it my whole life, but this is the beginning of me learning how to live with it.

I'll leave you with this image that my doctor gave me to share:

A quick explanation

I have not forgotten about or abandoned this blog. Three things happened:

1. I went out of state to see my doctor twice since the last post.

2. I was too mentally tired when I was available to make a post.

3. I lost all motion in my right hand... again. It's almost back to normal, indefinitely.

This blog may continue in this fashion. I may go a while without making entries, and I may post several entries in one day. I consider this blog a healing outlet for me, in that it is a way for me to talk about all the major health issues in my life. It's difficult to sit my husband, family, or a friend down long enough or often enough for me to talk about what I need to talk about (I'm sure this sounds familiar to many of you!) I also hope that my readers benefit from these entries, because I know too many people are suffering without any understanding or clue as to why. In return, I sincerely hope that my readers comment and participate in a discussion with me so that I can learn from you too!

I have made another decision for this blog: it will not be uniform or methodical.

Originally, I wanted to tell my story in a chronological series of posts, because I have a lot of history to explain that leads up the current issues I want to write about. I have since decided that this method would be less beneficial for me, as I generally want to blog about issues currently affecting me. I will, therefore, employ plenty of tags so that readers can search my blog for the specific topics they are interested in, and you'll be able to understand my history through these separate posts. For instance, if you're here to read about my experience with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, you may not care about my posts about ganglion cysts or menstrual issues. Tags will save you from scrolling through many posts about topics you don't care about, because I expect to write about different issues on each post.

And with that, my washing machine just finished up! Good timing! I'll see you in my next post...